Too Late, Too Late

The ceremony was simple, but all around, there tears. Tears, warm embraces, and words of comfort and condolences. But one woman stood out among them all. With her hair as red as a copper coin, her bright green eyes filled with tears as she walks in her designer heels.

The woman stood out among the sea of black, not just because of how expensive her clothing is, but because she was not welcome. As soon as the woman walked past said warm embraces and comforting words, they turned to frigid glares and hushed tones as they looked at the woman.

But she once was. She once would've been perfectly welcome, but now? Now, she wasn't.

The woman approached the casket. The panel next to it reads: "Helios Vasilyev, you will be missed."

He looked so peaceful, even in death. As if he was merely sleeping. The woman felt as if she is on fire, as if she is in pain, being eaten alive due to the guilt of what had happened, of what she had done all those years back.

And she leaned down, opening her mouth as she uttered the words that she has wished she could say for eighteen years.

"Forgive me, Lio. I know that it's too late. But I'm sorry, I truly am. Helios. That was your name, named after the Greek god of the sun. You.... you were my sun, Lio. My light in the darkness. But I was a poison to you, as if I was wolfsbane and you were a wolf. I only now realize the effect I have had on you. But it is too late... I remember the better times, the times where we could've just been ourselves and we were just a boy and a girl, stupidly in love. Sneaking around, hiding you as if you were a dirty secret. In some ways, I guess you were. I guess you truly were my dirty secret. We never thought of the consequences of what would happen. Of how people like me, and people like you could never work out. I'm not still over you, Lio. I miss... missed you every day. I should've said this earlier. You were right, Lio, you were right about everything you said. What I did to you, please. Forgive me."

She didn't know who she was speaking to, or if this was just to keep her conscience clear, or if she was trying to believe that Lio Vasilyev would hear her from the heavens, and she was trying to repent.

She remembers that day, clear as a glass window. After all of the days of taking him for granted, without even realizing it. Ending it because of her own selfish desires, because all she had wanted was the money, the fame, the opulence. And now she had it. Now what? Now what? Was it worth it, worth losing the one man who had showed her love, who had made her feel cherished and adored, the one man who she was drawn to, despite everything? Was it all worth losing him forever?

The screaming, the fight, and eventually, his blood. Something she had never wanted to do but ended up doing.

Maybe this could've been different if she had chosen love over money. If she hadn't decided to follow the words of her parents, to agree to a marriage to a man she barely knew, all so she could get where she was today.

She had pushed him down the ledge of the balcony, that day. They were fighting, he was on the edge. She hadn't... meant to. She had never wanted to hurt him. Or maybe that was merely just a lie she was telling herself in order to feel better.

He had yelled at her that night. So much that it scared her a little bit. But she deserved it, taking him for granted all those years and dragging him on with her problems, forcing him to worry and carry her burdens along with his own. And then eventually, leaving him due to her own avarice.

"What is WRONG with you?! IS THAT ALL I WAS WORTH TO YOU?! Was I nothing but car parts to you?! I thought you LOVED me."

"I do! Well, did. It's just.... you wouldn't understand, Lio. Some things are just more important than whatever game we had going on. You wouldn't understand."

"Why, because I'm just a poor boy? Because we're SO different, Aloisa? We're BOTH human, Allie! But maybe you're just SELFISH."

He had been so close to her, his fists clenched. And she had been arguing back, her tone cold and dismissive.

She didn't blame him for losing it at her that night. She had seen his fist come flying towards her face.

That didn't change what she did. She was certain that Lio would've caught himself before actually hitting her. Before she pushed him, she saw his wide eyes, his already stricken face.

But she had pushed him anyways. Because in that moment, she couldn't think.

And until he was falling, she couldn't think. It was a short fall, luckily. But he had hit his head, went into a week-long coma. It was a miracle Aloisa hadn't been charged for assault, though that was solely because of the large settlement in exchange for the ironclad NDA.

As much as she tried to forget, his words haunted her, the demons of her past she could never outrun, no matter how high she had climbed up.

It was like a fresh wound, forever imprinted in her mind and never being able to heal. As much as she could beg for forgiveness now, it was too late. Because she was a coward. A coward, for she never could've mustered up the courage needed to talk to him. A coward, for she had been blinded by luxury and her own rapacity, telling herself that it was worth it.

One word rang through her head.

Guilty. And guilty with an eternal sentence she had to carry forever, for when she forgets, she would become a monster once more.

All she can say into the void are two simple words, two words she should've said eighteen years earlier: "I'm sorry."