1 comment

Horror

One night I Maria went upstairs to read a book but suddenly I heard noises down stairs I went to wake up my daughter Paula we both went to check what was going on suddenly the lights were turning on and off we both got scared that we went running upstairs to my room then we heard a loud noise it sounded like they drop some dishes on the floor then suddenly we heard footsteps coming upstairs I had the Bible in my hands and also a cross from God in my hands my daughter was so scared that she couldn't wait until the night went over then it was morning then somebody nock on the door I look threw the window it was my friend omar he came to visit us we told him what happened at night he couldn't believe the house was hunted he told us to bring a] padre to the house to put Holly water so spirits can go away from the house so I decide to call a padre to do his work in the house the next night there we're no noises in the house me and my daughter were so happy that we slept good at night and we ate breakfast in the morning then suddenly the house seem normal no more noises at night then we decided to throw a big party in the house invite my friends and my daughter friends we decide not to tell anybody of our friends that the house was hunted my daughter went the next day to school she came from school went upstairs to do her homework suddenly she heard a noise outside she saw a men standing outside spying on her she was so scared that she call the police the guy disappeared when my mom came from work I told her about the man being outside I told my daughter when she came from school to lock all doors and windows the next day I decided to buy a house alarm for the protection of my daughter from that stranger guy that was outside when I went to work I leave my daughter some dinner for her to eat she comes from school eats dinner and does her homework and goes to bed only the days she stays up late when she doesn't goes to school me and my daughter wash movies and get some popcorn to wash the movie we wash scarry movies or action movies sometimes cartoon movies we enjoy the night together or sometimes we make fresh homemade cookies to wash the movie and relax we even play monopoly to have some fun together on my day off I take my daughter to the movies we buy a big soda to share with some popcorn then we go home to relax then the next day I go to work and my daughter goes to school one day the school call me cause my daughter had a fight with a student from class the reason she fight her is because that girl was making fun of my daughter she was telling my daughter didn't match with her clothes so my daughter got mad and fight her she got suspended from school for a whole week one of her best friend brought her homework to the house then when her week suspension went over she tried to ignore that girl that she fight with so she wouldn't get in trouble from school so my mother would be proud of me from not getting in trouble no more I had good grades in school all A's in my classes my mother was proud of me when I was walking from school back to my house I suddenly look at a house that freaks me out the lights turn on and off by itself and nobody leaves in that hunted house I always end up running cause I was so scared of that house its every day I go to school I see that hunted house I get really scared it reminds me of my hunted house that I leave in thanks to the padre he took the ghost out of my house it was coming prom night my mother took me shopping for a beautiful dress the color of my prom night dress was royal blue dress very long my friends at school love my dress my partner for the dance was my best friend omar we dance all night enjoy the food and had a fun night at the prom he took me home on his black convertible car then before I got out of the car he gave me a kiss and told me if I wanted to be his girlfriend I said yes right away cause I always felt butterflies in my stomach when I see him at school he is so cute that I fail in love with him then it was graduation night my mom bought me another beautiful dress this time it was red dress kind of short to my knees when graduation was over my mother made me a big party at the house I invite all my friends from school we had champagne to celebrate our graduation party we had Mexican food to celebrate our graduation party we all had so mush fun we put music to dance I dance all night with my boyfriend omar he told me I look so pretty with my red dress I told him thank you and I told him he look cute with his black tuxedo so we end up kissing again at my party my mother was serving the food to my friends at the party we had Mexican tacos enchiladas a delicious cake that my mother made some margaritas that my mother put little bit of alcohol and some salad also all the food was so delicious that I got really fool me and my boyfriend got fool from eating a lot that me and my boyfriend went for a little walk before it got dark then came back to the house the next morning me and my mom did some cleaning from the party then me and my mom went to the mall to eat Chinese food then she bought me some cute black boots that cost like 50 dollars at the mall we had fun at the mall.

July 22, 2021 14:09

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Bella Cole
15:05 Jul 29, 2021

Hi Maria, this is Bella from the Critique Circle. Your story had a wonderful plot, and characters. I would suggest paying more attention to your grammar and using commas and periods. It would help the reader if you added more space in between paragraphs, and if you stuck more to the prompt. I would suggest you reread some of your work to make sure to flows nicely and clearly. Wonderful story.

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