Diary Entry Unknown

I think someone’s watching me. No, I know they are! I thought it was my imagination at first, but now I’m positive. You know that feeling when you see someone from the corner of your eye? It was like that, but it happens everywhere I go. They’re always there, lurking. And every time I turn around, they’re gone. I know what you’re thinking. That it’s all in my head. But it isn’t. I’m telling you. I even hear footsteps, coming up behind me, but when I turn to see who it is, they’ve vanished. Once, when I heard them behind me, I ran. The footsteps didn’t go away. They got faster. They were running after me! I panicked and dashed inside a grocery store. But when I peeked out of the window to see who my stalker was, there was no sign of anyone. I’m not crazy. I know they were there.

Even when I was in the house, I could sense someone watching me when I was near to the windows. I would look out to see if I could catch someone in the street looking at me, or even if someone was glaring at me from inside their house, but they never let themselves be seen. That’s when I decided to keep all my curtains closed. But I knew they were out there, just waiting for me to peek through to see if they were still there. I don’t know why they are doing this. Perhaps it’s someone I know who wants to get in touch. Or someone who doesn’t like me. Maybe I did something to upset them, and they want to hurt or punish me. I have stayed up all night trying to think who it could be, and why they are hiding from me but I can’t think of anyone. If they want to see me, then why don’t they just show themselves? There’s nothing worse than not knowing. I just want them to confront me, so I knew what I was dealing with. Maybe that’s it. It’s like mind games. They want to drive me insane.

I started slipping out the back door, so they didn’t know when I was going out. But it didn’t work. As soon as I got onto the main street I could see them, that little glimpse of something. I tried to focus on it, in the corner of my eye. It looked like a man. Tall, and wearing a dark coat. But I don’t know any tall men. So why has he chosen me? He’s like a tall, dark shadow following me around. But it’s all the time. Doesn’t he have anything else to do?

I even tried to change my appearance. I put on weight and dyed my hair. Started to wear different clothes. Baggy outfits with hoodies to cover my face. But he knew! He still knew it was me. He was like a piece of chewing gum that I couldn’t shake off.

I stopped going out. Only went outdoors when I had to. I went off sick from work and got my groceries delivered, so I spent most of my time where it was safe. But I had to open the door to the delivery man to take the food in. And he was watching me again. Like he was always waiting, just in case I appeared. When I took the bins out, he watched right up until I run back into the house.

Then one day a postman knocked on the door. I hadn’t ordered anything. It wasn’t my birthday or any other occasion that would warrant a gift. I didn’t want to answer the door, so I just opened it a crack. The package was the size of a cereal box. I had no idea what it could be. I edged the door a little further open and let the postman slide it through the gap, then shut the door and locked it behind me. When I removed the brown wrapping paper, I was shocked to discover that it was my cereal! The one I’d been eating for years. I had been due to order some more, and there I was looking at a new box of Honey Nut Crunch. I felt a chill run through my body and felt sick. How did he know I needed more cereal? This was absolute proof that he was watching me. But not just outside. No! He could see everything I was doing while I was in my own house. Or at least in the kitchen. How else could he know that I was running out? And this wasn’t some sort of kind gesture because who on earth buys someone cereal with no note or explanation? This was intimidation. It was him telling me that he could see me. Even if I stayed inside, he was always, always watching me. There was no escape! There must be cameras in here. He must have had them put in at some point and for God knows how long. All this time I’d been thinking I was safe by not going out, but can see everything I’m doing. Of course, it all made sense! That was how he knew when I’d be coming to the front door and going outside.

Well, I was fuming. Who did he think he was, invading my privacy like that? Cameras! Two can play at that game. I decided to order some cameras of my own. Little discreet ones that you wouldn’t know were there unless someone told you. I looked on the internet and saw how to set them up on the outside of my house. At the back and the front. And I fixed them to my clothing. Yes. He wouldn’t be able to stay hidden for much longer. I was going to flush him out!

The time had come. I hadn’t been out for months. I’d lost track of just how many had passed me by. But the motivation to finally catch my stalker gave me that push I needed to do it. I had cameras fixed on a few buttons on my coat. One on the back of my hood, one on the front and one on each side pocket. So, all angles were covered. He couldn’t possibly avoid all of them. I squeezed the coat on. It barely fit me anymore. I had put on even more weight since being confined to the house.

As I walked through the front door, I felt naked. Even the cool autumn breeze seemed to invade my privacy as it found its way down a gap in my coat and made my skin shiver. Or perhaps it was the thought of him, watching me again. Just as I suspected, he was there, but this time I wasn’t going to avoid him or rush off. In fact, I walked around the town, changing directions as I went into different shops, giving my cameras the best chance of getting a good view of him. For once I felt like I was the one in control. As soon as I had an image of him, I would take it to the Police and get this whole horrid situation sorted out for good. I imagined getting my life back, going out again, going back to work, relaxing in my house without that creeping feeling of his eyes following me around.

I got home that day feeling excited. Actually, excited for once! I could taste the end to all this. I was so close. I threw my coat off and downloaded the footage onto my computer from all four cameras. I was practically jumping up and down with impatience watching the counter going up on the screen, telling me how long it had to go before it was done. Of course, by the time it had finished I was feeling quite anxious. I was finally going to see him. This intruder of my life. This person who spent his whole waking life just watching me. I wondered if I would know him. It felt like ripping off a wax strip. It needed to be done. So, I did it. I pressed play.

I saw the shops. I saw the streets and the other shoppers. But no matter how hard I looked at the footage, I couldn’t see a tall figure wearing a black coat. Or any tall figure at all. But I did see, in the corner of the screen, in almost all of the footage, a black shadow. But it was right at the edge of the screen. Like he knew that I was going to be filming him. Then it dawned on me. He did know! Of course, he knew! He was watching me. He had watched when I ordered the cameras. He had watched when they had arrived and would even know which buttons on my coat I had fixed them onto. How could I be so stupid? He was probably watching me right then, laughing at me, realising he had outwitted me again.

I should have stayed in work, I thought. He couldn’t have put cameras there, surely. At least I would have been able to relax there and have some sort of a life. I’d lost my job by then of course. It had been so long since I went in that they had already replaced me. I bet that’s what he wanted. There was nothing I could do. I was trapped forever like this. I just existed to be his entertainment.

A feeling of desperation ran through me as I flung open my front door and ran out into the street. “Just kill me,” I shouted. “Just get out here and kill me. That’s what you want isn’t it? Why else are you doing this?” I collapsed onto my knees in defeat. I just wanted this to be over and I didn’t care how. “Just please kill me,” I murmured into the tarmac. I glanced up slowly, expecting him to be stood over me, with a gun to my head. But all I saw was a couple of concerned pedestrians looking my way. I quickly scanned the street and surrounding windows but he didn’t come out. It made no difference. I knew he was still there. Watching.