His Name Is Steve

I was flat on my back when she walked out on me. She stepped over me there on the living room floor with an empty gallon of vodka in my arm. She took our children with her, Luke and Sandra. She took it all and only left me with a drinking problem.

We met when we were young. I was twenty, and she was eighteen. She was sweet, full of life, and the most gorgeous woman that ever existed. We would go out to the country in those early days and spend hours in the bed of my pick-up. We would just talk and look up at the stars. I would usually bring a bottle or two of wine. We would drink them together. A habit I never could quit. One that she grew to hate.

The years passed quickly. We were married. Then the children came. I did not realize it at the time, but I was only seeing the good times. I was blind to the bad. I noticed her smiles at our wedding. The smiles when the children were born, and the smile she would give when I brought her random gifts I picked up while working. I never saw the pain though, the tears. The nights she sat up while I was drinking in a bar. The hate and betrayal she must have felt when I had an affair. The hurt she felt when I was drunk and slapped my little girl for cursing.

Life will never be the same without her. I crawl into my bed sometimes and reach behind me to her side of the bed. I know she will not be there, but I cannot help it. I do not know what I expect to find. It is always the same thing - a cold sheet and a lonely cold pillow. I remember the warmth. God, it was incredible. Just to be able to crawl in by her side. Her sweet scent emanating from her buttermilk-biscuit-soft skin.

I live in a trailer park now. My son came to live with me. It has been a few years since she left. The kids are teenagers now. My little girl is still in school and lives with her mother. Luke has gone a different way. He dropped out of school at sixteen. He is nineteen now. I love him to death, but he cannot hold a job. He has bounced from one to the next over the past three years. I do not know what is wrong with him. I tell him he needs to quit drinking, but you know how well children listen to their parents.

I get off from work. I am still a sign painter, by the way. After work, I stop by the bar that is a block over from the Vespucci Court House. It is kind of a redneck place called The Robert E. Lee. I usually start with a couple shots and a few games of pool. Then I end the evening with lots of beer and plenty of dancing. Some nights I get lucky and bring one home with me. I end most nights parking my car in front of the wrong trailer and sleeping on the hood.

Luke has been doing more cooking lately. Which is fine by me. It gives me more time to drink. I was home for dinner the other night, and he fried chicken. He even made my plate for me. When he set that chicken in front of me it was golden brown - nice and crispy. I took my first bite, and the middle of the meat was still cold. I spit it out and cursed him. Needless to say, I drank my dinner that night.

Here is another good story from Luke. I do not remember this happening. He told me we were walking through the woods the other night. We were quite inebriated. Luke said a snake bit me, and he thinks it was a rattlesnake. Naturally, he begins to panic. Somewhere in his panic he asked me where the snake was, and I replied, “I don’t know, but wherever he is, he is drunk.”

She has found a new man. I cannot stand him. I told her to not bring that man around my daughter. I am sure she does though. She has started something new. She will not allow me to see Sandra, because my home is too dangerous. That is absurd. I would never allow my daughter to become injured in my home. Meanwhile, she has a strange man living in the same house as our daughter.

I use to call her all the time after she left. I would beg and plead for another chance. I told her I would stop drinking. I did for a while. I was calling a lot at that time. The judge referred to it as “obsessive.” She had taken out a protection order. Almost immediately, I violated it. The first time was a warning. Then the second, third, fourth, and fifth time landed me in the county jail.

I was actually sober during my six months in jail. It is not my only sober stent. As you can imagine, we had a lot of issues before she finally left me. There were several times I quit. Something would always happen. I was almost sober for a year, but her Uncle Jesse came to town one day and forced me to go out with him. Uncle Jesse and my father-in-law were the ones who always got me trouble. Her father would always want to go fishing and drink beer. I guess I never had a chance.

I should have seen it coming. I would surprise her and come home for lunch. I would walk in, and she would be on the phone in the bedroom. I knew she was talking to a man. You could hear it in her voice. I chose to ignore it. Maybe if I would have said something, things could be different. I would have never guessed that she would leave me. Her leaving never seemed like a possibility.

Oh well, I have a home and a job. I should be happy. I guess it is not too bad. I started seeing someone. She likes to drink and goes to the bar every night with me. She comes to my house, and she cooks and cleans. She is spectacular in bed. Her name is Kathy, but I wish she could be Iris.