Awake

It's always the same story. Three am in the morning, pitch dark outside, and I fall awake. It seems funny to say it that way, but it happens EVERY SINGLE NIGHT, like clockwork. No need to look at the clock to see what time it is, although I must admit that I did, at first. Now, there's really no need.

In the beginning, I thought of it as a mystery, and wondered at the punctuality of the time when it happened. Now I see how it is.

To elucidate for those who may not know it, the hours between two and five in the morning, those early hours before dawn breaks and the sun begins to rise in the sky, are referred to (at least by pagans) as the witching hours. I just happen to experience my hour at three in the morning, every morning.

I can't really count how many times when I awaken that I am drawn to my bedroom window to gaze at the moon. The rays of light shine into my bedroom thru my lace curtains. The moonlight is like a powerful magnet, drawing me to the window to look. It is irresistible! I have never really resisted this particular call all that much, honestly.

I, Morgana, am not a ritual witch or pagan. I am rather a natural one. I am a pagan, and a High Priestess of the Egyptian Goddess of Isis. I am a daughter of Isis, which is how I prefer to phrase it. It seems that my Goddess prefers it said that way as well. She of 10,000 names is not a jealous Goddess. I am encouraged by Her to honor other Gods and Goddesses, as well as Her. I have gratitude for Her generosity, for the many things that She has blessed me with in this life, as well as the others that I have lived.

My Goddess encourages Ma'at principles, and I am expected to learn things for myself, although if I ask for assistance, She frequently provides tools, under sometimes difficult and what seem to me like impossible, circumstances, for me to learn. Actions have consequences, and when I, as a human, make mistakes, I am encouraged (and expected) to learn from them, and hopefully I do not repeat them.

I would add that if I repeat mistakes because the actions of others, which I cannot control, force me to do so, it is not exactly viewed by my Goddess as the same thing as if I repeat the mistake willingingly, knowing it is wrong. Actions have consequences, and while my Goddess does not wipe them clean, as though I had done nothing in error, She is very forgiving, and quite benevolent. I know that She loves me, and is proud of everything that I have learned and tried to do in honor and respect and love of Her. She wants good things for me, Her Daughter and Priestess.

I have been referred to as a mind reader, and told that I know things that I should not know. Things that I could not possibly have known through physical world, real-time means, and yet I know them. I know them to be true. I know what the Gods and Goddesses allow me to know. It is not anything that I myself do. Some call it a gift; others call it a curse. Perhaps, as a human, it is a little of both, at times. But I give the edge to it being a blessing of the Goddess.

I myself much prefer having a mind (and soul) opened by wonder, than one closed by belief.

It saddens and horrifies me to hear politicians and those in power in various governments around the world vilifying my Goddess Isis's name by using it for genocidal terrorists. It is NOT in MY NAME, She would have me tell any who will listen. I try, even as I fear that the things that I communicate fall on deaf ears and blind eyes. Perhaps not so much deaf and blind as simply those who are still asleep and cannot understand, or those who don't want to, because it suits their purposes better not to.

My Goddess frequently reminds me that I am responsible for my own thoughts, deeds, and actions, and not those of others. I cannot control what others say or do. Respect for life is foremost. Not just human life, but all living things, who indeed are as important as humans are. It is, however, terribly frustrating at times, to see the abuses in the world and be powerless to do anything about them.

My Goddess does not beat Her followers into submission, or force them to follow Her. She truly wants willing followers.

She is not a "vengeance is mine" Goddess, nor does she encourage being revenge-minded. I am truly grateful for that.

Vengeance solves nothing, and it usually escalates situations into violence and bloodshed. She of 10,000 names never advocates that.

And I am truly glad that I follow Her.

I myself am a solitary; I follow my own unique path. But I do communicate with others, who, although not on my path, do respect it and my right to follow it. I live in a country where my beliefs in large part are ignored, or worse, ridiculed and dragged through ugly mire by the ignorant, who are determined to force their own narrow-minded beliefs on others. In some cases, for no reason other than that they can do it. With a sickening smile on their face.

It has even been referred to as a function of mental illness to follow a pagan path, here in my world. Ignorance.

I hear talk of human rights, and yet in my world, those of pagans and witches are truly largely ignored. As though we aren't human and it doesn't matter. Make no mistake, to my Goddess and those Gods and Goddesses that I love, honor, and respect, it very much matters. Do not believe otherwise.

I am Morgana, and I am Awake.