The Same Boat

Melissa

The court house is a dull building, exceedingly so given the dramas that unfold inside it. It’s imposing, but only in the same way that 1960s office buildings are, all sharp edges and bland colours that drain the personality out of you just by looking at them. Just the sort of place you want to spend a day’s holiday. Not.

“You didn’t have to come you know,” Andrew says to me as he catches my expression.

“I know.” He said it often enough last night after all. “But it’s not fair to make you turn up by yourself.” Besides, I don’t trust him and Emily to be sensible. As much as I don’t want to interfere, I’m prepared to if it comes to that.

“Thanks. It means a lot to have you here.”

We walk up the steps hand in hand, but as soon as we’re through the doors he lets go, tugging his jacket down and trying to play it casual. He thinks it’ll look bad if we’re too openly ‘a couple’, despite the fact that it’s on all the paperwork.

The entrance hall is crowded, but Andrew spots a friendly face in amongst them. “I’ll be heading in soon,” he says to me as he waves at a figure I dimly recognise as his lawyer. “I’ll meet you back down here afterwards, okay?”

“Of course. Good luck in there.”

“Thanks.” And just like that he’s gone, him and his lawyer slipping off up a staircase and off into the depths of the building.

It’s not long before there’s a rush of movement in the hall, like a tide coming in before retreating again. A short flurry of activity, and then the space is empty.

Almost empty. There’s a man sat on a bench on the far side, and just like the lawyer, I swear I recognise him from somewhere…

Darren

We’ve been here for hours already, but that’s Emily all over. Punctual isn’t the right word. Is pre-punctual a word? Always so early that she makes the early bird look lazy. It’s one of the quirks I love about her, and normally I would be teasing the hell out of her for it. I don’t today however, even though she’s had us sitting in this hallway for an hour and a half already. It just goes to show how much the kids mean to her.

Though I’m bored out of my brain I say nothing. Of course I want to help and be supportive, but she knows it’ll be hollow. I’ve already made the mistake of making my feelings about children known, although I’m not sure our relationship would last if I’d kept it hidden. At least this way she isn’t expecting me to just fall straight into playing happy families.

Ten minutes before the session’s supposed to start her lawyer turns up, and it twists my gut that it’s the first time Emily has smiled all day. I’m doing a terrible job of being a caring boyfriend, but right now I’m so bored I don’t care.

“I’m going to head up to the room,” Emily says. “Will you be okay here?”

“I’ll be fine. And hey… good luck, yeah? I really mean that.”

I wait until her and the lawyer are out of the room, but before I can get over to the vending machine that I’ve been eyeing up for an hour the room goes manic. It’s like a secret bell, some lawyer whistle that only people earning ridiculous quantities of money from other people’s screw ups can hear. The entrance hall empties, apart from me and one other woman. I recognise the submission in her shoulders, and feel for my fellow cheerleader.

“Do you want something from the machine?” I call across the space. After the low rumble that’s been going on for so long, my lonely words echo weirdly, and she jumps and blushes. Do I know her? Eh, whatever. “You look like you’re going to be here for a while as well. Can I get you something?”

“Oh, thank you, but no.” Her quick check of the surroundings doesn’t offer her any get out clause, so with a reluctant smile she wanders over. “At least I’ll have some company while I wait.”

“Well, I’m not promising much in the way of company, but I am more interesting than an empty room.” Although she laughs again there’s still the tension in her shoulders. Maybe she thinks I’m hitting on her? Not sure a court house is a typical place to pick up dates, but I’d better reassure that I’m taken, just to get it out the way. “My name’s Darren. I’m here waiting for my girlfriend, she’s in a case upstairs. What about you?”

When the woman hears my name though her eyes go wide. “You’re Emily’s partner?”

“I- yes. How did you know?” Even as I ask though the familiarity hits me, and I realise why she looks familiar. “Ah shit. You’re Andrew’s girlfriend, aren’t you?”

Melissa

“Fiancé, actually,” I say with an awkward grin. “Hi.”

“Hell of a time for us to meet, hey?”

“Yeah. Do you want me to leave? I can wait outside, if that’s… easier.” Honestly, I want nothing more than to just run away at this point, but he just frowns at me.

“Why? We’re both adults aren’t we? There’s no harm in us talking. Unless you’d rather leave. What’s Andrew said about me?”

“Oh, nothing, I swear!” Damn it, was that a little forceful? Of course Andrew doesn’t like Darren, but I’ve certainly not heard any actual horror stories. “It’s just… a bit weird, don’t you think?”

Darren sighs as he pulls the chocolate bar out from the vending machine. “If you’re going to take it that way then fine. I was just looking for a bit of company while I waited for them to be finished. It’s not like we’re going to jeopardize the custody claim for either of them, is it?”

“I… I guess not.” Damn it, wasn’t that why I came along? To make sure that Andrew and Emily didn’t act like children, and here I am saying ‘we can’t talk because we’re on opposite sides’. As far as I’m concerned there’s only one side that actually matters, and that’s the girls. As long as they’re happy and safe, the adults can all learn to deal with it.

With a weird twisting feeling in my gut I follow Darren back to the bench, and desperately try to think of something to talk about while he devours his chocolate. Of course there’s only one topic that comes to mind.

“What do you think of the girls then?” I ask.

“Lucy and Sophie? They’re alright, I guess.” He gives me a nonchalant shrug as he folds up the wrapper, before he catches the look I’m giving him. “Kids aren’t really my thing I’m afraid. Don’t really care for ‘em myself. I wasn’t planning on having any of my own.”

“Oh. That must be… kind of awkward.” I’ve been in the room often enough when Andrew’s gotten hysterical phone calls from Emily. The only thing I know about the woman – genuinely know, not just stories I’ve heard – is that she loves her girls. The pain and heartbreak in her voice when she’s not with them can be heard above the crackle of the phone line.

“Awkward is one word for it,” Darren chuckles. “Like, I’m fine with kids for a few hours and stuff. I just prefer to give them back to their parents at the end of the day. But for Emily, well, her life revolves around her daughters.”

“How did you get involved with Emily then?”

“It’s not like she had a sticker on her head saying ‘I’ve got two young kids’.” Though he tried to hide it, I could hear the frustration in his voice. “By the time I found out I was already under her spell.”

“I’m sorry.” It feels like a stupid thing to say, but what else can I say? I know what it’s like to love someone who comes with baggage after all.

“What about you? Let me guess, you get on with them wonderfully, a nice perfect little family?”

“Huh, hardly.”

Darren

I know it’s heartless, but I get a flash of joy from the bitterness in her voice. “How come?”

“Andrew doesn’t want me spending too much time with them,” Melissa says as she twists her fingers round each other. “He doesn’t want to confuse them, thinks they won’t understand what’s happening. He wants to wait till the custody case is settled, so that they know which days I’m their mother for and which days I’m not.”

“Damn. That’s cold.”

“He’s only looking out for them. They’re young, and-”

“And you’re only going to be their mother part-time? Even though you’re marrying their father? Come on, you’ve got to see that’s messed up.”

“No more so than hiding the fact you’ve got children until you’ve snagged a man,” she snaps back at me.

There’s an awkward pause, during which I kick myself for being so forward. Of all the relationship problems to get involved in, this is the last one I should be going anywhere near. I half-expect her to stand up and walk off when she speaks again.

“I’m sorry. That was uncalled for. It’s just you’re right. I know it’s wrong, but it’s just the way it is.”

Melissa’s still focused on her hands, and I take the chance to study her out the corner of my eye. It’s hard not to notice the similarities between her and Emily, but pointing out she’s a rebound isn’t going to help either. Yet for all the pity I feel for her, I feel a weird kinship as well.

“Same,” I say. “It’s not fair of me to point out the problems in your relationship, when I’m hiding from the problems with mine.” She looks up at me and smiles, and I can’t help but smile back. It’s the first time, in all my months of dating Emily, that I’ve admitted there are problems between us. But what the hell am I supposed to do about them? “Do you… ” I start to ask, before I lose my nerve. Ah, what the hell. It’s not like Emily is ever going to talk to Melissa, is it? “Do you ever feel like we’re second to Lucy and Sophie?”

“That’s only fair though, isn’t it? They’re just children after all. It’s right that their parents should put them first.”

“I know, I know. It’s just… well, not exactly what I was looking for in a relationship. I guess it’s easier for you, given you actually want kids.”

“In a way. At the same time, I’m worried.”

Melissa

Damn it, of all the people I could’ve chosen to confess to, why is it that it’s only my fiancée's ex-wife’s current boyfriend that I feel comfortable doing it to? I suppose because no one else is going to talk to him, least of all Andrew.

“I want children of my own, and I’m happy to have them with Andrew. But I’m worried that he’s going to prioritise the daughters he already has. I don’t want my child to be second best to their own father.”

As I’m wondering if I’ve gone to far with my confession, Darren whistles through his teeth. “Man, that’s some screwed up stuff right there. I’m not keen on kids, but I sure as hell wouldn’t wish that on them. I don’t blame you for being uneasy. Are you planning on leaving it a few years, wait until Andrew and Emily have sorted their shit out?”

“I know I should, but it’s not as if I can wait forever. And I don’t want to put it off, and then miss out on the chance.”

“No, of course not.” There’s a brief pause, and then Darren starts chuckling. “What a pair we make, huh? Both hopelessly in love with people who’ve only got eyes for their kids, both of us ready to have our life plans screwed up all for the sake of little Lucy and Sophie.”

Tragic though the thought is I laugh as well. “Yeah. The girls are worth it though. They’re angels, and it’s not like any of this is their fault.”

“They’re not bad, I suppose. For kids anyway.” Just as I’m about to open my mouth and start berating him, he gives me a smile and a wink.

With the laughter still on our lips we sit in our thoughts. For my part I think about babies, and having a family of my own. What does Darren think of, I wonder?

“Christ, this is a dull place, isn’t it?” he says at last. Nothing so deep as what I was thinking about then. “So, what do you normally do for fun, when you’re not sat in council buildings waiting for people to stop bickering?”

Darren

It’s not deliberate, but I can feel myself slipping into old habits. Am I trying to flirt with her, or has it just been so long since I spoke to a woman without trying to flirt that I’ve forgotten what it feels like? Either way, I’m surprised to find that I actually care about the answer.

“Sports mostly,” Melissa says, gratefully jumping on the change of subject. “I do a lot of running, and I’m in a rugby club.”

“Blimey. Keeping in good shape then.” And there it is again, damn it. I didn’t need to say that, but now it looks like I’m flirting again. “I mean, I enjoy watching sports.” It’s slight, but I spot her eyes drop to my paunch nonetheless.

“What about you then?” she asks.

“I’m quite a big fan of museums. Spend a lot of time checking them out.”

“Oh cool. Generally prettier buildings than this one, hey?”

“Yeah, but that’s not saying much. Although there is one-”

And so we get talking. If she had been anyone else, this would’ve been where the conversation would’ve started. I guess we had to get all that other stuff out the way, but by the time I hear the first rolling echoes of the oncoming stampedes we’re sharing stories as freely as anyone. There’s no history between us, and for one blissful hour I can pretend there are no damn kids either.

As the first wave of lawyers and clients come flooding out of the court rooms upstairs, the reality of our situation hits. Of course there’s nothing wrong with me talking to Melissa, but I know damn well that Emily won’t see it that way. From the flash of panic in her eyes I guess Andrew will react the same.

“I should go,” Melissa says, jumping up.

“Wait!” After some panicked rummaging I dig out an old receipt and scribble my phone number on it. “Text me? Not, you know, for a hook up or anything. Just… it was nice to talk to someone in the same boat as me.”

She hesitates, and I worry that I’ve gone to far. There’s no other way I’d be able to talk to her though. It’s not like I can ask Emily to text Andrew for his fiancé's phone number, is it? Speaking of-

I spot Emily before she sees me, and I’m just about to scrunch up the receipt and walk away myself when Melissa snatches it out of my hand.

“I’ll drop you a line,” she says, before she grins at me and disappears into the crowd.

Forcing the smile off my face I head towards Emily. “Hey hun. How did it go?”

“Urg, nightmare. Can you believe the cheek of that arsehole? He tried going on about how-”

As Emily keeps ranting though I spot Melissa again over her shoulder. I keep nodding, but I watch as Melissa walks away with Andrew, and my heart sinks for her. She does deserve better than someone who can’t put her first, though I don’t kid myself that I’d be that person. Just before she disappears down the steps she turns to me and our eyes meet. Neither of us can smile, not without being insensitive to the plights of our partners, but even over the distance I feel the bond between us. Maybe today wasn’t a complete waste of time after all.

Both in the same boat, still caught up in bailing out the water already there.