All I'll Ever Need

The island stools were best located when sliding them to the side of the marble counter. In this position, I could turn to watch the latest pre-recorded episode of Pretty Little Liars on the living room tv, see outside the sliding glass door, and enjoy something to eat. I just had to put them back and wipe away any evidence of me being there before mom returned, which could be any day now.

Mom was on another extended trip in Boise, but it was an ingrained habit to leave no trace. Besides, even though it was over a 10 hour drive from Ukiah, California to Boise, Idaho, she’d never call to say when she was coming home. She liked making it a surprise. After finishing off my favorite after school snack, Eggos folded in half with Skippy’s peanut butter, I heard a car in the driveway. Mom’s car. I held my breath.

I wondered if I could straighten up and run up to my bedroom in time. It had been a couple months since I’d seen her, and I was enjoying my time alone. The idea of seeing her felt weird. Talking to each other always felt a little forced, but as I stood there washing off the small white plate placing it into the dishwasher, the door opened, I was going to have to stay for a chat.

Mom stood there in the kitchen looking rejuvenated from her last departure. “Hi lovely” she said in her chipper high pitch voice with her big smile. “How’s it going?” She went on, as if we did this all the time. “Pretty good.” I said with a closed mouth smile, doing my best to make it look easy and genuine. “I’ve got some pretty good news.” She went on in the same pitch and smile, placing her purse on the island chair I’d just moved back in time. “Oh yeah, what is it?” I was a sucker for good news no matter who was giving it. “We are going to camp for the whole summer at Anne’s property in the RV!”

I was a little confused, but I brushed it off because mom seemed happy, and I liked to make it easier on dad. I focused on the positives. I started chanting “summer camping adventure,” showing my parents how great I was with the news. 

Even when away from my parents, I remained focused on the fun. I shared US History class with Anne’s son, James, and we’d grown to be good friends. Both of us had just turned 16 in the same week and gotten our licenses, and we’d been taking turns driving each other to Quiznos for lunch. It would be cool to hangout over the summer.

When it finally clicked that my mom meant we would be selling my childhood home to go on this summer camping adventure, I felt a little silly. But my parents assured me we’d be moving into a new place by August. My parents just needed a little time to financially recover after mom’s blow dry bar business got started, but didn’t take off. I guess I could have gotten the hint earlier with Anne’s property only being 10 miles away. 

It made sense to downsize. Three out of the five bedrooms had been vacant for almost 2 years since my sisters and brother turned 18 and moved on with their lives. Still, even with graduating a year early, I still had a year left in high school. I’d hoped the house would sell after I graduated. 

Mom stuck around for the entire process of showing the house, so I hung out in my room more, leaving the island stool be. It was always strange when there was a showing, knowing some strangers are walking in your bedroom imagining it as their own. 

One day I came home from school after the house had been shown to face what I wasn’t ready for. Someone had stolen my favorite perfume, a sample size of Juicy Couture. I had only used it twice, my birthday and prom. I stood there feeling somewhat violated by it. I stared at the empty display case I had made for it on the highest shelf, feeling all the discomfort and sadness for the first time since my mom’s return.

Not long after I mourned my empty display case,  the house sold earlier than expected so our “summer camping adventure” started in the spring of 2015. 

Anne had a large property with another piece of land across the street from her house with its own fence and lot. That’s where dad planned to park the RV. To my surprise on our arrival, another RV was parked in the lot. Was someone else camping here too? I wondered. 

Then Anne came out to greet us and told us the RV was for me to sleep in. She had only planned to use it a few times this summer, and on those trips I could stay in my parents RV. Game changer. 

Mom wasn’t too excited about me having my own RV, preferred we all shared one, but I did not care. I was not giving up my own space. I didn’t even mind every inch of this motorhome had already been taken up by Anne's belongings. I had just guessed that Anne must have packed her things early for her trip, or forgot to unpack from the last one. 

The one closet across from the queen sized bed was full of big fur and leather jackets. The cabinets above the bed were full of hats and shoes, as were the ones above the couch. Nonetheless, I had my own space. That was good enough for me. Besided, I wasn’t staying too long. I could just keep my belongings in the trunk of my 2001 silver Mitsubishi Lancer, then I wouldn’t need to pack again when we moved.

I’d still had a few months left before graduating my Junior/Senior year of high school. Although I had expected a shift in my surroundings, I had not anticipated a shift in my social group. Friends that slept over at my house nearly every night, including weeknights, stopped coming around once I lived in an RV. Started avoiding me at school too. I was once again happy with my choice of graduating a year early.

I had lost nearly every friend but Cristine. My PE buddy brought chocolate cookies to class, so naturally, we hit it off. The brunette to my blond. The brown eyes to my blue. The fun of my games. We had movie nights, she came over after school, we went riding on the Razor, exploring the properties trails, and giggling until we couldn’t breathe about anything and everything.

I also continued to grow a lot closer to James. James and I popped into each other's lives periodically from a few months old to when I moved onto the property at 16 years old. He was always a kind person.

Before being neighbors, James and I had gone on a couple trips with our moms for spring break and would sometimes, when our mom’s would visit, share days of small talk while wandering the creek. Now, this was our reality, and my mom was on another extended trip.

James and I started filling up each other’s time in more ways. We’d carpool to school, go to lunch more, and hangout after school. The world was ours. We hunted for fish in the creek below where the RV’s were parked, we rode the Razor around the trails on the property, we caught lizards, shared stories, drank snapples and root beers, watched movies, and began holding each other's gaze a little longer than we did as friends. 

On May 19th, 2015 during one of our evening Razor rides hopped up on sugar, James parked and turned off the engine. We looked out onto the property’s tan rolling Northern California hills and plentiful oak trees, the best view on the land. James asked me to be his girlfriend. I, already in love with him, accepted his offer. I discovered a new sense of home, and I wrote a song about it that summer.

Before you I thought a home was all four walls

A pool in the back and two side yards

A bed when I was cold and green grass in the yard

Now my home is two brown eyes

Long curly hair and a beautiful smile

Your arms around me is all I’ll ever need

After a few months of enjoying each other's company, we found ways to take up even more of each other’s time. At night James mastered the art of crawling through the RV’s driver side door, quietly shutting it behind him for a bonus visit. Then, careful not to wake up my dad’s RV next door, he’d sneak out again around 4am before dad went out to work. 

Then, the universe made it a little easier on us. 

The RV I was staying in had an active mice problem, which we were managing, but the discovery of water damage and excessive black mold caused a safety risk for me to stay in there. Anne offered up their spare bedroom for me to stay in. The only problem being that like the RV, that spare room had already been taken by Anne’s belongings. So much so, even the door had been blocked. So for the time being I moved into Jame’s room. He cleared out enough space for me to bring in the suitcases from the trunk of my Lancer.

Living at Anne’s was an experience I will never forget. She had about 11 dogs, most not potty trained. Dishes were left for days in the sink, an unfamiliar territory in comparison to my crumless childhood home. She left guns on the table along with Playboy magazines. My world shelter-hood and naivety was rocked. 

Anne and her boyfriend liked to drink and assign chores. James and I were on the same page about avoiding their passing in the hallway. We’d make a point to be out of the house before they woke up. We’d do things like go explore the property, specifically the areas with spotty service. We’d also find ourselves needing to take frequent trips to town for a snack, taking the backroads. 

James was like me and always made the best of uncomfortability. We’d stay out of the house until well after dark. Following our interests every day of the summer after he’d get home from his summer excavating job. 

When James went back to school, and my extended camping trip got extended again, I, as I did when he was working, hid in his bedroom until he’d return. When he got home, we’d go exploring from 4-10pm, the greatest part of my day. Dad still lived across the street in his RV, and mom was back and forth, staying for a week, leaving for a month or two. 

James graduated high school in 2016. Shortly after, a family friend of James offered us both summer jobs at a lodge in King Salmon, Alaska. We took that offer and moved out of Anne’s when we were 17. We worked by day, fished by night, and snuggled up in a twin sized bed in a tough shed with no heater. We loved every second of it.

 Once our summer jobs came to an end in August we moved to Redding, California to explore more outdoor adventures. Dad stayed parked for about 2 years until one of Anne’s neighbors called her in for having someone live in an RV on her property. So, dad packed up and drove about 30 miles north to a trailer park.

James and I continued to work at our summer job in Alaska, where he had worked his way up from dishwasher to fishing guide, and I went from housekeeper to head server of the restaurant. In August 2017, James and I did a rare excursion to Contact Creek, a rural fishing destination only available to get to by a float plane. 

James and I got dropped off at the top lake and hiked a few miles to the creek for an experience of a lifetime. These fish were uncivilized. So much so that If I left my hook with the bead on in the water without casting it, it would get bitten. I was overwhelmed  by the gorgeously large and bright orange bellies and spots on the Dolly Vardens. The frequent company of brown bears was pretty neat too. I knew right then the day couldn’t get any better.

And then it did.

After catching about 30 fish and on our 3rd double hook up, James suggested we set up for a picture. Only while I was smiling and holding my fish out, he let his fish go to pull a ring from his pocket. I once again accepted his offer.

We married in September 2018. After that we moved to Corvallis, Oregon to earn some college degrees. Today we live in Beaverton, Oregon, and are coming up on our 6th wedding anniversary. James still looks at me the same way he did when we were kids. His eyes conceal love, admiration, protection, and awe all in one gaze. He is my forever home.

Cristine moved to DC to go to American University when James and I went off to Alaska. Even through living across the country, we've more than made the most out of our long distance friendship. I love visiting DC, and she has come to visit every home I’ve lived in. We make a point to see each other when we are home for the holiday’s, and she was up there by my side when I got married.

My extended summer camping adventure was unexpected, but it became the foundation for what I needed. To this day, James and Cristine have seen me through every phase of my life. They’ve held me up to the mirror whenever I’ve struggled to see it myself. They’ve taught me a place ain’t a home, and belongings don’t mean squat. They’ve taught me all I’ll ever need in my life is to have a couple buddies that see me, love me, and help me laugh through the tough times. For that, I am grateful.