Fairground A-Z

           FAIRGROUND A-Z

Abi was peering down into the deep blue water and then looking out at the deep blue sky, as if for the first time, stiffness in her neck, couldn't turn her head from side to side

B-b-balcony, that's where she was standing, her hands gripping tight to the railing, legs aching, her hotel room behind her, no maid as yet, bed sheets tangled, nightmares, tired and……...

Clearing her mind and breathing helped in these foggy situations, when the words wouldn't come, that happened a lot, or a word came but it was the wrong one, sometimes more than once, and then there was that annoying stutter, which was there even in her t-t-thoughts

Deeply she breathed, in and out, such a simple pleasure, taking in the clean, salty air, why was that, was she by the sea?......Abi was completely unaware of the unlikely second chance she'd been given at life 

Each day was a day to explore different and wonderful things, and then the next day and the next to do the same and still find them different and wonderful

For every day seemed new, felt new, because Abi didn't remember the month before, the week before, the day before, sometimes even the hour before, all wiped clean from her memory, time after time

Going away had been, now what was her name…...Abi should remember because she had just seen her, had talked to her…...K-k-kate that was her name…....Kate's idea, who was she again?

How blue was the sea, how blue was the sky, how warm was the sun and……...still on the b-b-balcony, never realizing it was a different week…...what had she done that day, where had the day gone, oh the beautiful sunset! 

It truly was p-p-paradise here, wherever here was, tired now, must lie down, turning to see the bed had a different mat, no, cover……. had she been here in the room, was it her room, when the maid came in?

Juice, she loved orange juice, at least she thought she did, her right arm no feeling, no use, just dangled there, scary.....her mind a butterfly, darting from place to place….so many b-b-beautiful flowers to love whose names she couldn't place…….all the different colors, made her feel sick…...why?

Kate came everywhere with her, but she could wander on the b-b-beach so long as she was in view, be on the b-b-balcony and in her room alone with the door locked……....though no key for Abi, why was she locked in?

Last night…….Kate had just told her…...five minutes ago, half an hour ago?.......the name of the local bar where they’d been and Abi could only have c-c-cola, but already she'd forgotten the bar’s name……...pills, so many pills Kate gave her, pills to s-s-sleep, pills to wake up, pills for pain, where had the pain come from?

Many times she’d tried to think about the past, a ping on her phone every few hours so she would r-r-remember to think about it, but the past was full of night time, no, what was it?........shadows and there were lots of curtains, walls, b-b-blockages 

Now Abi felt sure this was a different day, no sun, low cloud, new clothes, but how many days had passed in between?...... days lived but maybe gone f-f-forever from her, she just didn't know, but she wanted to, the passage of time now becoming clearer, the stuttering less, how long had she been here?

On the beach, the warm, salty water, the squishy sand cold between her toes, the r-r-red nail polish carefully applied by Kate, who was on a rock nearby and waved, both of them in blue swimsuits and Abi remembered putting hers on!

Playfully she went further out, splashed about in the waves, though some of her toes were limp, no, that wasn't the right word it was……..numb that was it, she’d remembered a forgotten word!........had she done this before?

Questions, questions, questions, the memory curtain kept drawing further and further back and Abi was having real flashbacks now though they didn't make sense, snatches of time but gaps and in the wrong order, practice, practice

Red, blue, green, yellow, purple, colors merging into one so everything was blurry and she was falling, falling through space from high up above, the earth rising up to swallow her, no time for fear 

Swirling lights blinking, too much noise, screaming, people’s faces looking shocked, her arms flailing as she moved fast through the cold, blustery, dark night air, hit the ground, hard, hard, on her back, her head, pain all over

Then blackness, silence, deafening silence, where was she, who was she, pain leaving, life leaving, heart stopping

Unclear to her how her eyes were able to open just a crack, l-l-light flooding in, so bright, unbelievably bright, moving forwards on her back through a shiny white corridor…….was she dead?

Very calm now, all was still, less bright, hearing mixed up words, r-r-random……...lying in bed, a man touching her, no pain, no f-f-feeling, heaven, was it actually heaven?

Why was she on a plane....she knew she had z-z-zoned out in the air, and arrived in another place but where?........it was hot, these memories were in the wrong order surely?

X-rays, people talking again, not all understood but m-m-miracle she heard, bits of Abi's body were burning, t-t-tingling, the one arm useless for now, her skull fractured, minor brain damage, causing temporary s-s-stuttering, using the wrong words, memory exercises, it all made sense!

Yesterday, for the first time, some recall of the previous day, and knowing it was the previous day, spent with Kate, her older sister in a cafe, talking, learning about her accident, how she’d nearly died in a fall from the top of a Ferris Wheel and that she’d been here nine months, maybe bits of the conversation forgotten but the important stuff retained, the awful stuttering almost gone but……......

Zebras, Abi had seen some on the rocks that morning, n-n-no, that wasn't the right word….was it?......what a day.