Fire and Ice

It was a hot summer beautiful July day at the seaside of Destin. When Carrie fifteen years old met Brad who was twenty years old while strolling the beach. The day they met was the date before the fourth of July. On the fourth of July, they played along the sand and rode every wave in sight. Then evening came and there was a firework show happening at the pier. As Brad and Carrie's eyes watched the beautiful display of fireworks the ones in the sky weren't the only ones flying. Brad and Carrie in the days ahead became inseparable. They found themselves confiding in each other, going on dates, and beach dates.

Those days and dates turned into the dating of five years and Brad proposed. Carrie accepted the proposal and was married three months later. The love and friendship they shared were like no other. Carrie found that her love and feelings turned into jealousy over time. The result of Carrie's jealousy was resentment from Brad. He found himself trying to tell Carrie that her insecurities were an issue that needed to be worked on.

Carrie knew in her heart that he was right. She tried and tried to contain her jealousy but at times it would flare up again. As she got older her jealousy subsided and now she and Brad found themselves doing things they once did. He enjoyed time with her again. This was Carrie's longing not only was Brad her very best friend he was her lover. But as a few more years in their marriage passed she could tell Brad's attitude was changing. She couldn't put her finger on it. She thought and even pondered the idea of Brad having an affair. Then she would at times jokingly make comments trying to ask if he would ever consider such a thing.

Brad reassured her she was the only one for him. He told her when I married you that was it, I was only doing it once. She felt her confidence rise. But even though Brad's words made sense to her his actions spoke differently to her heart. She noticed that he started to drink at night after work. At first, she didn't see a problem in it until it became an everyday thing. He would be hung over the next day and rude to her but she couldn't at first understand his irritable spirit. She would pray please God show me what is wrong with Brad and why he is treating me this way. Well, God answered her prayer for her. She realized that drinking had become the problem.

Carrie would sit Brad down and try to talk and communicate the feelings she was having, but he wanted no part of it. She found herself lying in bed at night crying herself to sleep. The friendship, closeness, and love she once felt for Brad was not fainting away slowly. She would try to seduce Brad into making love with her but he would take her arms and throw her back and say "Get off me you SOB!" Carrie's heart hurt like nothing before and this rejection took her back to her childhood years of feelings of loneliness and abandonment issues from a terrible childhood.

Carrie loves the Lord and she knows what the bible says and knew that this was all wrong. Brad can not withhold himself from me unless we are praying about an issue together and both give consent. There were times she would take her bible and quote scriptures to him. His response to that was "I don't need you to preach to me!" Carrie's heart again would be breaking. Her eyes would feel with tears and as they fell slowly down her cheeks she would say with a soft voice "I am trying to tell you this before it's too late!" Brad's response would be "Whatever!"

Carrie would think how could their friendship and love be fire for so long and then turn ice cold. She found herself praying in her closet alone at night begging God "Please give me a sign if you want me to stay or go." Carrie knows God hates divorce. She was stuck in the middle of something she thought there was no way out of. As soon as she would say this prayer and regroup she would be on her way to the kitchen for a drink of water and Brad were curse something out to her as she passed by. Her tears were all too noticeable now. Brad would roll his eyes and say get over it.

The prayer Carrie kept praying became nonchalant manner over time. The days that were so unbearable now were turning into years of the loss of Carrie's affection. All it took was the youth pastor at church whom she had prayed with over her and Brad's situation over the years to send a message and ask how she was doing. The youth pastor was like a tall drink of water to Carrie and she found herself messaging him randomly in the days ahead.

Carrie found herself wanting to take the old youth pastor's invitation to meet and discuss the issues she and Brad were having to talk about because you see he wasn't a pastor anymore. One day she gave in and met Brad at a diner in town. They talk and talk and ate a bite of lunch. When he walked her out to her car he sat down inside the door and looked into her eyes. She knew then that the feelings of Brad were no longer there. She loved Brad but not like before because how could she have feelings for the youth pastor.

A few weeks passed and the conversations turned into house calls and then it happened Carrie stepped out on Brad. How could she do such a thing? The young pastor knew what he had done was wrong as well and it was killing both of them inside because they had grown to love one another. After a few months of the affair the youth pastor gave Carrie an ultimatum, he said I want you and it has to be me or Brad. Oh no, Carrie thought, how will I ever tell Brad what has happened because he had grown worse over the months as well. So after days of anxiety and confusion, Carrie tells Brad what she has done. He was so hurt how could she do this after the years of friendship, love, and trials they had been through.

The youth pastor decided not to move forward with the relationship with Carrie because God would not bless something that started out in sin. Brad forgave Carrie and they tried to work everything out, but Brad grew more abusive towards Carrie.

Now not only was he being verbally abusive the physical abusive set in and that is where Carrie filed for divorce. Carrie was so torn and upset that God would be mad at her. She was talking to a dear friend one day and the friend told her Carrie, God didn't plan all marriages sometimes we do things that are not in His will.

It has been five years now and Brad and Carrie never speak but Carrie knows God has forgiven her for all the wrong she has done and her life and looks forward to the future He has in store ahead for her.

Author: Amanda Inman