Get Yourself Free

Dear Corey,

I am a long time listener of your show, but this is my first time writing in. My name is LTC Eugene Buckley, USA, Ret. but everyone calls me “Buck”. I’m 67 years old, retired about 7 years now, with over 40 years of honorable service to my country. I’ve been to war, been blown up, taken lives, saved lives, negotiated with the enemy, but I’m not writing today to talk about all that. I’m writing in to talk about the, hands down, most difficult situation I have ever been faced with in my life: learning to communicate with my far-left, almost Socialist, Democratic wife. I was 28 and she was 18 when we got married back in 1981. Our political leanings didn’t really come up the first few decades of our marriage, and it wasn’t until Trump did she finally decide that she was all-in full bore liberal; going to “protests,” wearing rainbows, refusing to buy one-use plastics, and other nonsense. I was raised in a traditional christian conservative household and my daddy brought me up on strong American values. I’m not going to lie to you Corey, it was really tense in our marriage for awhile there. But then I read your book about claiming my rightful spot as the alpha male in my family, and you hit that nail on the head! Following your advice, I got my sweet housewife back, and she is just purring like a little kitten, so full of joy and playfulness. This alpha male is feeling like the top dog again, and I’ve got you to thank. If you care to share my story with your listeners, I have a few main points that other misplaced alpha males might benefit from.

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6 months earlier: Betty had been confused by the Amazon package at her front door. She had stopped ordering from Amazon over a year ago as the atrocities of working for Bezos became impossible to ignore as the pandemic ravaged the country. She hadn’t looked at the label before opening it, and was confused by the artless paperback that slid out of the (non-recyclable) bubble-pack. Betty read the title out loud to the empty room “Reclaiming your God-Given Right as the Alpha Male — A guide for strong, conservative, Christian men.” Betty groaned as she muttered, “What the fuck, Buck?” A phase that had become a mantra over the last four years. She intended to slip the book back into its packaging and leave it on the counter for Buck to find when he returned from his weekly golf game, but then she hesitated. She realized that she held Buck’s new playbook in her hands and this might be her one chance to study up before the game started. Already feeling disgusted and bone-weary, she sat down and read the first line, “Why alpha males rule their worlds, their lives, and their women, even if their political views differ.” Betty’s eyes rolled so hard she thought her contacts might pop out. She scanned the first few pages about how the author went from feeling like a loser with women, to studying all the things women want and learning to mimic those things and then reach his ultimate goal of dating supermodels. Something about being a 3% man. He never explained the percentage, but really none of the ideas made any sense. Well, knowing Buck and his die-hard commitment to marriage above all else, he wasn’t looking to date women so she felt confident skipping ahead. As she read through the book a plan started to take shape in her mind. She felt simultaneously sad and exhilarated. Sad knowing they had passed a point of no return, but also exhilarated to finally pass this point, a very long time in the making. Betty pulled out a legal pad and started making notes, pausing to call out, “Alexa, play Rosemary Clooney’s cover of ’50 ways to leave your lover’.” 

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So Corey, I kind of boiled down your main points into three easy steps that I’ve outlined below and then provided an example from my life on how to “get ‘er done!” 

1.“Acting like the dominant male, laying down the law, it’s my way or the high-way, will bring any commie-loving wife to her knees when she witnesses your dominant resolve.”  

So the way I did this with my wife is I refused to fight with her, I would just tell her in a very calm, yet firm voice what was going to happen. When we voted last month, she told me that if I voted for that “bigot” Trump again, she would leave me. Now I used to get all angry and we would end up yelling at each other, saying hateful things we didn’t mean. But this time I channeled my inner alpha male and said, “Well honey, I’m sorry you feel that way, but I like what Trump has to say and I support him. If that’s a problem for you, there’s the door.” No fight, no yelling, and did she leave? Of course not. Bless her heart, this woman has cared for this family, cooking and cleaning, but she’s never had a real job. This little darling couldn’t make it a day on her own, she likes the comfort of her home way too much. I knew there was no way she would walk out on all this that I have built for our family.

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Betty knew that Buck would start in on the book’s advice as soon as he could. She wasn’t exactly sure how he planned to “act dominant” but she paid close attention to changes in his behavior. She didn’t have to wait long. A week later as Betty sat at the table working on her mail in ballot, Buck struck up a conversation about voting, usually a taboo topic in their house. She had voted mail-in for years, while Buck continued to insist on going to the polls on election day. He made a stupid comment about being glad he could cast his ballot in person so the commie mail carrier didn’t throw it out. Betty took the bait, just like she knew he wanted her to. In a moment of inspiration she threatened to leave him if he voted for Trump again. Instead of yelling, like he usually would have, she saw him stop and stare at her for a solid ten seconds, then in the most patronizing voice she had ever heard him use, he restated his intention of voting for Trump and then gestured toward the door like he was a game show host offering her a prize. “Interesting” she thought to herself. 

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2. Influence her circle. Make sure she’s mostly associating with the “right” kind of people (pun intended, haha) 

Now Corey, this second step must be handled delicately. It’s important that you don’t outright forbid her to spend time with her commie friends and family, but if you can find ways to decrease the time she spends with them and increase the time she spends with the right kind of people, then you’ll be good to go. So here’s how I’ve handled that with my wife. Several months ago, during our church’s social hour, I mentioned to the pastor and several of the active church ladies that my wife was feeling down in the dumps due to all the Covid restrictions and that since the church had decided to stay open, maybe some opportunities to get involved would help lift her spirits. I made sure to tell them that it was important that they make it seem that she is really needed since she would never want to feel like a burden. I also made sure that I talked to each person individually so that as many people as possible reached out to my wife. I knew that if someone called her personally asking her to volunteer, she would have a very hard time saying no. Man oh man, it worked like a charm! She was surprised to get so many people calling and asking for help, but the more she said yes, the happier she became, and the more she ended up volunteering, even past my original intentions! I was so relieved to know that she was spending so much time (finally!) among people that would lead her down the right path. 

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Betty’s blood ran cold as she read the chapter about influencing your wife’s social circles, with the end goal being to isolate her from her support network, and supplant it with his “approved” network. This three-day-old shit stain was literally training men on how to become an abuser. Betty had been around long enough to know that as soon as someone starts to “manage” an adult’s social circle, and isolate them from a network that has shown nothing but love and support, well any semblance of care they had for you is gone. So when the calls from the various church members mysteriously started, begging her for help, she knew just what to do. She politely declined when Marjory asked her to help protest at the local Planned Parenthood clinic, and instead called up the clinic and asked how she could help. She ended up becoming an escort, helping young women walk into the clinic, shielding them as best she could from the hate filled screams of protestors. When Sarah called her up and asked her to join them at the next school board meeting to protest the teaching of critical race theory, she politely informed Sarah that critical race theory is a college level course, but even if it wasn’t, she would welcome the lessons into the public school curriculum. Betty then found the contact information for the local Black Lives Matter chapter and signed up for protest support, to include aid booths and sign making. When Candace called her asking if she could possibly join their letter writing campaign asking the mayor to ban trans children from youth sports leagues, Betty resisted the urge to tell Candace to go Fuck herself and instead politely told her that she supported all of God’s children. PERIOD. FULL STOP. Betty then went online to find a letter writing campaign urging the mayor to protect members of the LGBTQ+ community. Betty then started to recruit friends and family to join her in her activism, strengthening her already strong social network. She also started researching churches in her area, because it was becoming painfully clear that she would need a new one. Betty let Buck know that the church had really been a great motivator to get her involved and she is so thankful to have received those calls. Buck smiled smugly. Betty smiled knowingly. 

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3. Make sure your wife knows that you are a “no compromise” guy. That you expect her to either agree with you, or to shut her damn mouth. She needs to remember that no one out there will love her like you do, will take care of her like you do, or will protect her like you do. But if she does decide to leave, then the failure of the marriage is all on her and her inability to see the truth. 

I admit, this one sounds harsh, but as an alpha male, you can’t show any weakness. This circles back to Rule #1: Act dominant. This is more than just refusing to engage with her about issues you don’t agree with. You have to man up, step up, and actually do what you say you’re going to do. If you’re going to support your family, earn the bread, bring home the bacon, well DO that. If you say you’re all about protecting your family, then DO that. Even though this silly cold should not have shut down the economy, it was obvious that the limp-wristed Democrat leaders were going to do everything in their power to grind this country to a halt. When I heard about the likely disruption to the supply chain, you bet your ass that I was out there grabbing my share of toilet paper, bottled water, paper towels, and all the meat I could fit in the deep freeze! I then went to every gun shop in a 50 mile radius (and there are A LOT!) And not only bought up all the ammo they would let me buy, but also beefed up my arsenal, because if it gets as bad as they are predicting, as the alpha male, I have to be ready to hold off anyone that dares to threaten my family. Meanwhile I found that Betty was very receptive to my suggestions that would help her reach her potential, as long as I was light and playful in my delivery. For example, she was upset when the mayor decided not to require masks. I said, “Aw, honey, your face isn’t that bad to look at!” Or when she whined about the cops doing their job by stopping BLM rioters from burning down the city, I told her, “You are so lucky to have found someone as tolerant of your ideas as I am. I am a saint for sticking with you through these crazy ideas of yours!” She got mad at that one, but I think that the idea of being alone forever if she can’t see reason has started to finally sink in. Finally, I even got her to start seeing the pastor for mental health counseling. If anyone can cure this liberal mental illness, then Pastor Carlson can. I mean, his conversion therapy has had a 100% success rate! Overall Corey, your advice has changed my life and turned my marriage around. I urge anyone who is in a similar situation to get your book and follow the rules. It will change your life!

Yours in alpha male brotherhood,

LTC (Ret.) Eugene Buckley “Buck”

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Betty felt disgusted, but not surprised that gaslighting was the final piece to this shit sandwich. She thought if every time the phrase “alpha male” was exchanged for “abuser,” then the book would at least be truthful. She also felt horrified that this message resonated with her husband, a man for whom she had once felt so much pride and respect. Had she changed? Probably. Had Buck? Sadly, probably not. Betty found it difficult to not feel responsible for the inevitable destruction of their marriage, but the thought that this man felt satisfied with a life void of self reflection and growth was exponentially more depressing. Over the next several months, Betty would grit her teeth through the nasty comments wrapped up like jokes. She learned that writing down every comment Buck made that was intended to make her question her own sanity and then recording what she knew the truth to be, served two purposes: 1. To help keep her mind right. 2. To fuel her rage at this man’s obvious attempt of manipulation. When Buck signed her up for therapy with pastor Carlson, she almost went ballistic. However, during their first meeting, Betty mentioned that she might feel more comfortable with a woman therapist because she had some “female issues” she would like guidance on. The pastor instantly turned red and shoved a list of therapists within the community into her hand. It was just a printout someone had made of all the local therapists and Betty was able to find a woman who’s values and priorities aligned with her own. She never mentioned the switch to Buck, and he never bothered to ask. The therapist ended up being a wealth of knowledge and resources, instantly recognizing the progressively abusive situation Betty was in. She helped Betty connect to a divorce lawyer that helped her set up her own bank accounts and lines of credit, to prepare for her exodus. She helped Betty explain to a few close friends what was going on, and her plan to leave. Through her various connections within the community, Betty secured paid work that allowed her to put down a deposit on her own studio apartment. The only thing she had left to do was walk herself out the door. Five friends pulled up to the house minutes after Buck left for his weekly golf game. She had managed to pre-pack most of the belongings she wanted to take under the guise of “summer cleaning.” The last thing left that Betty had to do was leave a note for Buck. She pulled out the same legal pad that had started her on this journey and wrote:

Dear Buck,

It looks like our priorities, morals and principles are no longer compatible. I know it took me 6 months to act on my promise to leave you if you voted for Trump. Well, I am finally keeping that promise. I just had to get a few things in order before I could leave. Good luck with your quest to become the dominant alpha male. Turns out, that just isn’t my type. Keep an eye on the mail, divorce papers will arrive shortly.

Do better,

Betty

Buck felt rage course through his veins. How could Betty do this to him? He felt completely blindsided and violated. He then channeled his inner alpha male and forced himself to think logically: Betty would be back. She had no way to take care of herself...unless...the realization stole his breath. He flipped open his laptop. It took him several minutes to log into his bank account because he had to look up the login names and passwords since Betty usually took care of all the banking. Instantly he noticed that all of the accounts were about half of what they should have been. All he could do now was throw back his head and howl, not like the dominant alpha male he thought he was, but like the petulant wolf who has been ejected from the pack for their intolerable behavior.