Ashes to Ava

Michelle Allen 2964 words

5821 Marlboro Pike, Apt. 103

Forestville, MD 20747

twinpro2@gmail.com

240-535-4222

Ashes to Ava

by Michelle Allen

Ava Marie Hollister, a baby-faced woman of small stature,

standing just over five feet, stood at the kitchen sink wearing her

crisp white apron decorated with playful chef illustrations, snugly

tied around her waist. Hot water scalded her fingertips as she

scrubbed the dinner plates clean, the steam rising gently and

fading as it met the cooler air. Derek’s meal—steak, roasted garlic

potatoes, and fresh green beans that he claimed tasted like soap

clung stubbornly to the ceramic, as if it had something to prove.

The dishwasher clicked open. She bent down and slid the plate

in, and as she stood - Crack!

The sound was so loud it rang out like a gunshot, leaving her ears

ringing. Derek had given Ava a ruthless, open-palmed slap across

her soft round face. Tears blurred her vision, but she didn’t

scream. She merely sobbed, soft and broken. By now, she was

accustomed to the abuse.

His handprint, raw and red, clung to her golden – brown skin, a

visible memory of his wrath.

Allen/ Ashes to Ava/ 2

Ava was no physical match for Derek, so she never tried to

defend herself from his attacks. She just brushed back her long

jet-black curly hair from her face and retreated to a safe place.

Tonight, that space was simply taking a seat at the kitchen table.

She was careful not to give Derek the impression that she was

going to retaliate. She sank into the chair carefully, poised like a

mannequin, quiet like an obedient but frightened child. Ava was

hoping that he’d retreat to another room or a friend’s house.

“I told you not to text anyone when we’re having dinner, didn’t

I?”

“How many times Ava?”

“And what did I tell you would happen if you continued to ignore

my requests, break my rules?”

Derek, a tall, slim, immaculately dressed man in his early forties,

with flawless espresso skin and straight white teeth that sit

perfectly behind lips that parted just wide enough to reveal

dimples that carved into his cheeks, spoke to Ava in a voice that

was calm. Too calm. As if he hadn’t just laid his hand across her

face. As if this were simply part of the routine.

Ava had only replied to her sister, a simple “I’m okay, just tired”

after three days of silence.

Derek didn’t care why she texted her sister, she broke his rules

and that was not acceptable.

His house rules weren’t suggestions, they were law and

breaking them resulted in consequences. He’d reminded Ava more

than once that when he was talking, when he was eating, or when

he simply wanted her attention, her phone stayed face-down and

forgotten. No exceptions. If it was truly an emergency, he said,

they can call me.

Allen / Ashes to Ava / Page 3

Derek reminded Ava, that with reservation, because they hadn’t

been dating long, he opened his door to her when she got laid off

from her job so that she wouldn’t have to go back to her mother

or her sister with all those kids and random men running through

her house, or worse, a shelter.

It would look bad for his girlfriend to be living in a shelter when

he had space in his house, so she should be grateful.

As usual, he reminded her that it was a blessing that she didn’t

have to chase checks like other women. He paid for everything, so

he expected everything - her time, her loyalty, her silence, and

her obedience in addition to a clean house, warm meals, and

respect.

When Derek walked away Ava relaxed her muscles. Still caged

in silence, but with thoughts of escape racing through her mind.

Not tonight though. But soon.

She was tired of the abuse. She loved Derek dearly but

wondered how long she could endure his outbursts and violence.

When was she going to tire from making excuses for his behavior,

and covering bruises with layers of makeup that hid her natural

beauty?

“Front door closed”!

Ava sighed.

To make sure she could hear Derek's car's engine and him pulling

away, she stepped to the door and pressed her ear against it.

Afraid to look at herself in the mirror, she went straight to the

shower and climbed in bed. Though she wanted to talk, she was

too embarrassed to call anyone.

Allen / Ashes to Ava / 4

The numbing slap as a result of Ava texting while having dinner

happened three months ago. But it wasn’t the first time that Derek

attacked her. Most times, the punishment was worse.

The first time was subtle, almost surreal. One month after she

moved in, Ava, seeing Derek dressed in a charcoal-gray tailored

suit and crisp white shirt, asked him where he was going late at

night. Just a question. Not even an accusation.

His expression had darkened like storm clouds rolling in fast

and he stared at her with fire in his eyes.

He slowly walked over to her, and Whack!

The slap came first, suddenly, stinging. Then his hand was

around her throat, pressing just enough to silence her, but not

enough to leave a mark. Very calculated.

Ava was unsteady after the violent episode and almost avoided

tumbling to the floor. Derek helped her to the sofa, and few

seconds later sat next to her with a glass of water in hand.

“Ava, if you trust me like you say you do,” he said, his voice cold

against her ear, you wouldn’t ask my whereabouts.

It shouldn’t matter, because you’d know, not think, but know

without any doubt that I am not doing anything to jeopardize our

relationship.

“Do you agree.”

Ava had nodded. Not because she agreed, but because her body

had instinctively chosen survival.

“Look what you made me do.” All because of your trust issues.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you baby.” I’m sorry.

Allen / Ashes to Ava / 5

“This is bad”

“Do you forgive me?”

Ava nodded her head again.

“No Ava! nodding is not enough,” I need to hear you say that you

forgive me. It will make me feel better. Don’t you want me to feel

good about myself? I’m really a good man.

Ava complied.

“Thanks babe,” I forgive you too.

“Seriously, you need to work on your trust issues. Recover from

whoever hurt you. I refuse to be mistrusted due to someone else's

actions.”

“Can you promise me that you’ll work on that?”

“Instead of having to reprimand you with these hands, I want to

be able to caress you with them all the time.”

Ava, he said, holding her chin in his palm, you hold the power.

You, your actions will determine if I can caress you all the time.

Derek kissed Ava on her forehead, told her that he loved her, and

headed toward the front door.

Gradually, the slaps, punches, and bruises came monthly. At

least. Sometimes from arguments. Sometimes from nothing at all.

Ava had accepted that life with Derek—isolated, controlled, and

bruised—was simply her fate, but after one especially violent night

that left her in a hospital bed, something shifted.

Allen / Ashes to Ava / 6

As always, she lied to the doctors, murmuring that she had

fallen down the stairs, stumbled into something or an object fell

on her. They didn’t press. They never did.

But this time she wasn't satisfied with the lie she uttered.

Something inside cracked open, not with fear, but with clarity. It

was like an aha moment! This was not the life she dreamed of, and

if it meant that Derek could no longer be in her life, then so be it.

The loving, charming, and supportive man that she fell in love

with, the man that was once her knight in shining armor, was a

wolf in knight’s clothing. She need protection from the man who

was supposed to protect her.

Derek was the charm-then-harm type. No matter how many

apologies he gave, therapy sessions he attended, or how far Ava

bent over backwards to please him, he was never going to change.

She was fed up with making excuses for Derek’s controlling,

manipulative, and abusive behavior. The hospital stay was the last

straw. The time had ripened for her to strategize her escape plan.

A move that would restore happiness, peace, and freedom in her

life.

It was exactly one month to the day since Derek had lashed out

on Ava. As usual, her nerves were on edge as she fearfully

anticipated the next attack.

She tried her best to stay out of his way and did whatever he

asked, when he asked, in hopes of keeping him happy and

satisfied.

Her worries eased when Derek learned of his uncle's death.

They were about to watch a football game when the phone rang.

An extremely hysterical woman spoke through what sounded like

tears. Derek and Ava received the heartbreaking news, real time

through the phone’s speaker. Instantly, Derek was overcome with

sadness. This uncle, his dad, as

Allen / Ashes to Ava / 7

he called him, took over, raising him from the age of two when his

mother left him behind in order to live a drug-addicted,

attachment -free life.

Though this wasn’t the way she wanted to avoid the violence,

was saved by the bell.

The main focus would be on Derek’s family for a while.

He told Ava that he was leaving early the following morning. He

wanted to be alone during the drive there. He had to sort through

his feelings. Though he told her that he loved her, he made it

clear that he didn’t want her to come along for support or

anything else. He didn’t need any distractions.

He was talking out of emotion, but Ava didn’t ask any questions,

she just offered to help him pack his luggage.

She immediately had a flashback on what happened a while ago

when he thought that she didn’t care about him or his feelings,

and she quickly shifted gears.

“Is there anything I can do for you, babe?”

“You know I will.”

“You sure you don’t want me to come along?

“What if you need a shoulder to cry on, or someone to talk to,

someone who really gets you.”

“I’m going alone Ava.”

“Weren’t my words clear enough?”

Allen / Ashes to Ava / 8

When Ava got out of bed the next morning, she noticed that

Derek was already gone.

He hadn’t woken her to say goodbye, no kiss, nothing!

With Derek gone, it was time to execute her escape plan.

To her surprise, Derek had taken her car keys, her phone and all

the money in her wallet.

Feeling trapped and hopeless, she grabbed one of his Cuban

cigars, lit it, and sat on the edge of the bed. It was time to come

up with a new plan since her initial one wasn’t going to work.

It was going to be in the early hours of the morning. Before dawn.

For now, she was just going to have to play it cool, and go about

her day napping and watching movies, until daylight had passed,

and the house would be filled with darkness.

Ava’s plan included covering all the cameras in the house.

Quickly before leaving, she’d need to cut the alarm system wires

to ensure a delay in the police notification and them contacting

Derek.

Ava knew that Derek would be furious with her, but this escape

to freedom was well worth it, besides, he had her phone so he

couldn’t contact her once he found out she was gone.

She grabbed a large black canvas backpack and threw in a few

pairs of jeans and sweatpants, t -shirts, her important

documents, and some hygiene items.

She retrieved the burner phone she’d hidden behind a loose

board in the guest bedroom closet and placed it in her makeup

bag at the bottom of her backpack.

Ava took a short moment to pray, asking for guidance and to be

kept safe, and with tears in her eyes, because she was leaving her

family and friends behind without notice, she went to the

basement, cut the wires to the alarm system, shattered a window

with several blows from the

Allen / Ashes to Ava / 9

hammer that she was taking for protection, carefully climbed

out, and ran as fast as she could toward the woods.

Relying on her track and field skills, Ava sprinted through the

woods until her lungs burned. Her heart was racing, and her

breathing became labored.

The night was thick with silence, broken only her by the

crunching sound of leaves beneath her feet and the thump of her

heartbeat in her ears.

When she reached the edge of a highway she began to walk.

She crouched behind a tree until headlights approached, still

afraid that any one of Derek's posse members, also known as his

friends, had found out that she’d got out of the house and was in

pursuit of capturing her.

Ava hadn’t hitchhiked since she was in college, but tonight,

complete escape from Derek was the name of the game, and she

was determined to win.

A truck slowed down. She held up her arm. hesitated. then took

a step forward.

She really didn’t care who had stopped, a man, a woman, or family.

She just needed to disappear.

A middle-aged woman with deep mahogany, sun-kissed skin and a

raspy voice opened the passenger door to her eighteen-wheeler

and told Ava to hop in. After hearing her story, the older woman,

who introduced herself as Mee Maw drove her to the bus station

in the next town and bought her a one-way ticket. She gave her a

wad of money, folded in half, to pay for a motel room when she

arrived at her destination. Though they’d just met, the two hugged

like long lost friends before waving goodbye.

The bus station was cold and smelled like mildew and stale air.

Ava sat in the furthest corner; face hidden by a newspaper that

she retrieved from an empty seat. She didn’t relax until the bus

pulled out of the city, and even then, her muscles stayed tense like

a coiled spring.

Allen / Ashes to Ava / 10

She rode the bus across the country to a state where she knew

no one. She promised herself that once she was settled, she’d let

her family and friends know that she was okay. It was just too

risky to say anything before she was safe.

After a few hours, the bus reached its second destination.

This place would become Ava’s new home, for a while. From this

point on, she could no longer be known as Ava Hollister. She could

not afford to be discovered. She couldn’t risk being found.

Leaving her name and memories of her old life behind, Ava

became Alana Patrice Ford.

As soon as she could legally change her name, she would.

In a new town, Alana drops her pride and pleads with a hotel

owner for shelter while she looks for a job.

After hearing her story, he agreed to let her stay, with the

promise that she’d pay him every cent owed, in installments,

starting with her first paycheck.

Alana needed to change her appearance immediately.

A young girl, standing at the hotel’s front desk wearing heavy

eyeliner and cryptic tattoos over her arms, gave her directions to

the nearest shopping mall. Alana left the store with permanent

hair dye, hair straightener, scissors, and makeup.

Allen / Ashes to Ava / 11

The following morning, sporting a pixie cut full of auburn hair,

she walked into a nearby diner wearing jeans and a t -shirt. Alana

asked the woman behind the counter if they needed help — any

kind. Cleaning tables. Serving meals. Something, anything, under

the table.

The woman looked her up and down.

“We open at six. You free tomorrow?”

“Be on time, clean and don’t bring no drama.” We’ll give you an

apron and name tag.

“Yes ma’am, I will be here, on time, clean and no drama.”

“And one more thing, no incoming calls. Anyone need to talk to

you, they’ll call the main office.”

After two months of working at the diner, Alana had repaid the

hotel owner in full. She was ready to find a place that she could

rent by the month. She was gonna need more space if she planned

to start working in her trade again.

She found a place close to the diner. A one-bedroom hotel

suite. It was fancy, at least as fancy as she could afford. The suite

had a spa-like bathroom and an espresso machine.

In her free time, she advertised her skills online.

A skilled graphic designer, she quickly found work by taking on

side gigs through online requests.

Her business grew quickly, and she was earning sufficient

income to leave her job at the diner. She continued to stay in

hotels or rented houses for a month at a time though. She was still

too fearful to get a permanent residence. Didn’t feel comfortable

staying at any one place too long.

Allen / Ashes to Ava / 12

Alana found a therapist online, and after a year, she no longer

looks over her shoulder as often and she has even become little

social.

She has since met with family and friends for vacation and is

rebuilding those relationships.

She still carries the trauma and occasionally wonders if Derek

will ever find her, but for now, the first time in a long time, she

feels free.

# The End