In the blink of a light

Who  knew that the tick and tock of a clock meant so much . With every tick I look into your eyes and every tock you dry the tears from mine . Every morning  we started our day then walked into the unknown . There's no preview or travel guide, just life lifting . Caught in a circle of the same ole same . But when we were together time stopped. Three years of you has been the most amazing time of my life . Mother use to tell me that you couldn't surround your life around one person but , I beg to differ . People do it everyday whether it's your significant other, your kids or your pet or even your job  .No matter what someone or something is on your mind . Even if you don't want to think , you are. We are all mentally ill and controlled by are thoughts . Death is the only way its stops then this life curse jumps to someone else . My mind screams for help every day nonstop .  I cry in my closet at night where no one can hear nor see . Soon folks will know about the secret that i've kept from you . As I go into the local grocery store after work , a family friend spots me .One million questions I'm asked about people that stopped loving me years ago . I lie to make time run smoothly . They smile back as they're satisfied with my answers. Another battle comes quickly as I fight back tears ,only I know the truth . Sometimes I don't want to be me but being me is all I've got. Taco Tuesday is a thing between us , its was our favorite day . I head home by train in the city of New York , so excited to get dinner started . When I get home I'm greeted by our cat Nelson .  Nelson rubs his gray fur on my leg while purring as I unload the grocery bags . Before cooking I showered off the spirits of work and every one person I've walked past today . When finish i go and lay out all of the ingredients for street taco.My phone dings and i run to it thinking that it was you but it was a message from work . It's always about a meeting, never about getting a raise . Working in finance has its perks but it never turns off. As I'm cooking carne asada in a pan with Sazon and other seasonings . My mind drifts off to the first time we  met . Your dark hair pulled back and tucked behind your ears . While you held your guitar nervously . It was a night that my sister forced me out of the house and I'm glad she did . We headed into my sisters favorite bar called Blue Light .I stood mesmerized in lace black dress that I purchased in a local thrift store .My heart smiled as  you played De Shelby by Hozier . So much passion and pain felt in your voice . When your dark eyes met mine . I became nervous that my brown skin would turn you away . My thoughts took over as I felt unworthy of locking eyes with you many times . "Let's get drinks! my sister yelled out over the very loud crowd of people . With one more look I then followed my sister to the bar .When you and your band finished performing you disappeared back stage . I couldn't help but think about what it would have been like to hang out with you . "You ok ? my partially tipsy sister asked me as I was battling my thoughts. It's always  been hard for me to hide my facial expressions . I remember telling her that I was fine but really I was tired of missing out on things just because I was to afraid or to shy . Which are almost the same thing . In movies you see people making these bold decisions .On that day that's what I did . I put down my drink and boldly headed back stage .There were fans lined up ,waiting for your autograph. A bodyguard stopped me from getting in line because this was something you had to pay for ." Hey where's your ticket? " The big body guard said standing over me . It got your  attention . Before i could speak , you fanned the guard away . I whispered " Thank you " and you smiled at me . That would've made my night but things just kept getting better . I was next in line and I had nothing for you to sign so you pulled out the purple scarf from your pocket then signed it . Then you wrote your number on my arm. The bodyguard tried hurrying me along ,when you in your deep toned voice said " You want to hang out " . " I'm with my sister or I would ". I said nervously . You looked over at your buddy ." She can hang out too ". I smiled then walked away to tell my sister . She laughed at me in disbelief . " Girl , what do we look like going with some strange guys , no we aren't going with them ". She was right , we didn't know you or your band members so we headed home  . I texted you after I got home to let you know that we wouldn't be hanging out . It felt lame , I was twenty eight and felt like my mother said no . My phone rang , it was you . You asked if I could meet you at the 24 hr diner that was down the street  from Blue Light . I figured i'd take a chance because it was a public place . I was surprised that you came alone , with your body guards close by of course . " Ouch! " I yelled out as I cut my finger while cutting tomatoes . I could day dream about you forever . I tried so hard to think positive but the night that your agent called me plays in my head every night I close my eyes . " There's been an accident " . Three years ,three months,two days and four hours  of you and I . There were no last words ,no goodbyes  just your face on every news station . You would have came home from tour around this time . I would have told you that I was carrying our first child but I wanted to make sure this one stuck . After the accident , I moved across the state to Colorado where i wouldn't see your face as much . As I sit in the chair by the window in my new apartment I think as I always do ...What now my love ? What now?