Standing in the rain

I still remember that day, up until that point in my life it was the most heart breaking day in my 17 years.

We grew so close in such a short time. I remember all the times we spent together before that day were all good times. Whether we were spending it with friends out and about or having a quiet day sleeping in until the late afternoon just holding each other. You seemed so sure of yourself and us that I started to believe it when you would tell me how happy you were. I remember the feeling of your body pressed against mine, the sound of the rain beating down on the roof and the sound of our breaths as we breathed each other in. That was one of my favourite nights with you. Or the time we went camping just the two of us and the dogs. Floating together in the lake during the hot summer day. Hard to believe how etched in my mind those moments were.

I still cannot understand what happened to us. How we went from spending all that time together and how happy we both seemed, to that cold gloomy day.

That day started like almost all other days, you seemed a little different and distant as we both got ready for the day. We said good-bye and kissed but not the usual passionate kiss like all the others. I should have recognized the clues that day. Just before we parted ways, you said to come by that evening so we could talk. I had heard that sentence a few times before and my heart began to sink as my head started to race trying to figure out where this one sentence was coming from out of the blue.

That day seemed to drag on, I could not concentrate in any of my classes as the anxiety inside me grew as the end of the day drew closer and closer. Just before the last bell rang, I looked out the window and the world looked so dull, black and blue clouds blocked out the sun and the baby blue sky. It was like everything had lost its colour, its life. Just as I was dying on the inside, I slowly walked to my car in the parking lot and even the sounds were dull as all the joyful conversations and laughing no longer could be heard among the sea of students leaving at the end of the day. I was not looking forward to the end of my drive.

All though I remember so much from that day, the one thing I do not is that drive back to your place. It was like all of a sudden I was pulling in your driveway and getting out of the car and walking up to your front door as all of a sudden a loud crash of thunder echoed along the peninsula. The beginning of the storm so elegantly adding texture to the moment.

When I entered into the house, I remember the sight of you sitting on the couch and the look on your face. Thats when everything I had been feeling all bubbled up to the surface and I burst into tears. It was the first time in a long time that I showed anyone my vulnerable side like that. I cannot for the life of me remember what you said all I remember was being unable to breath and every attempt at a breath felt like fire burning my lungs. My eyes stung with salty tears. All I can remember is saying "No, how could you do this to me out of no where, after just the day and night before telling me how much you loved me and how happy you were?"

I still remember that last hug you gave me as you told me I should leave now, and the sad excuse of an apology as you tried to give me one last kiss. As you ushered me to your front door.

The last thing I remember about that terrible afternoon was stepping out onto your front step as I turned around to watch as you closed the door and left me alone, standing there in the rain.I still remember that day, up until that point in my life it was the most heart breaking day in my 17 years. 

We grew so close in such a short time. I remember all the times we spent together before that day were all good times. Whether we were spending it with friends out and about or having a quiet day sleeping in until the late afternoon just holding each other. You seemed so sure of yourself and us that I started to believe it when you would tell me how happy you were. I remember the feeling of your body pressed against mine, the sound of the rain beating down on the roof and the sound of our breaths as we breathed each other in. That was one of my favourite nights with you. Or the time we went camping just the two of us and the dogs. Floating together in the lake during the hot summer day. Hard to believe how etched in my mind those moments were. 

I still cannot understand what happened to us. How we went from spending all that time together and how happy we both seemed, to that cold gloomy day.

That day started like almost all other days, you seemed a little different and distant as we both got ready for the day. We said good-bye and kissed but not the usual passionate kiss like all the others. I should have recognized the clues that day. Just before we parted ways, you said to come by that evening so we could talk. I had heard that sentence a few times before and my heart began to sink as my head started to race trying to figure out where this one sentence was coming from out of the blue. 

That day seemed to drag on, I could not concentrate in any of my classes as the anxiety inside me grew as the end of the day drew closer and closer. Just before the last bell rang, I looked out the window and the world looked so dull, black and blue clouds blocked out the sun and the baby blue sky. It was like everything had lost its colour, its life. Just as I was dying on the inside, I slowly walked to my car in the parking lot and even the sounds were dull as all the joyful conversations and laughing no longer could be heard among the sea of students leaving at the end of the day. I was not looking forward to the end of my drive. 

All though I remember so much from that day, the one thing I do not is that drive back to your place. It was like all of a sudden I was pulling in your driveway and getting out of the car and walking up to your front door as all of a sudden a loud crash of thunder echoed along the peninsula. The beginning of the storm so elegantly adding texture to the moment.

When I entered into the house, I remember the sight of you sitting on the couch and the look on your face. Thats when everything I had been feeling all bubbled up to the surface and I burst into tears. It was the first time in a long time that I showed anyone my vulnerable side like that. I cannot for the life of me remember what you said all I remember was being unable to breath and every attempt at a breath felt like fire burning my lungs. My eyes stung with salty tears. All I can remember is saying "No, how could you do this to me out of no where, after just the day and night before telling me how much you loved me and how happy you were?"

I still remember that last hug you gave me as you told me I should leave now, and the sad excuse of an apology as you tried to give me one last kiss. As you ushered me to your front door. 

The last thing I remember about that terrible afternoon was stepping out onto your front step as I turned around to watch as you closed the door and left me alone, standing there in the rain. I could not summon the strength too move from that spot. So their I stood soaking wet, from the rain and my tears. While every muscle in my body ached and decided that the were no longer working at the command of my brain. My head pounded as I replayed everything from the beginning in my minds eye. Trying for the life of me to find some reason or explanation for it all. But at the end of it all there was no reason, no explanation, no clue that I had missed except that I was just there too help you forget her when she left. And now that she sees you happy with someone other then her must she lure you back in too her trap she was setting just for you. That was when I realized that you didn't know what you wanted in your life and that's when I said I wouldn't be waiting for you when she was done breaking your heart again for the last time. 

It was not long after that I would see what was right in front of me. What an amazing person, your friend that you introduced me too, was and that he would truly be my one, my only. The real true love, like the one I had thought that we had shared, only better because to this day it continues to blossom and grow. So thank you for opening my eyes and showing me what I deserved and what I was worth, not to you but too the man I call my soulmate today. After 16 years I can still honestly say I am glad I met you because without you there would be no him.