The Deep Dive

Sarah wasn’t sure when she had become such a big worrier. She had always been cautious, but as she approached 30 she had to push herself harder to do anything outside of her comfort zone. It was much easier to stay home and work in the small backyard garden of her townhouse or delve into one of her many crochet projects than to put to herself out there. Sure, she went to parties and events, but not without a million doubts and hesitations running through her head first. She was usually emotionally exhausted before she even left the house. 

A paralegal in a family law firm, Sarah spent most of her days doing research in the secluded law library or sitting at her computer compiling information on one of the many adoption, divorce or child custody cases she worked on.  She was privy to her clients’ most agonizing and their most joyful moments.  In her line of work, one person’s happiness was often at the expense of someone else’s misery.  Decisions had consequences, and somebody always got hurt. 

Outside of work, she had a few friends she met through yoga classes, some college girls she saw occasionally,  and then there was Jamie, who she had known since childhood. Her best friend was everything she wasn’t – adventurous, social and confident.  At least that’s how Sarah saw her.

She leaned back in her kitchen chair, took a sip of coffee and opened the newspaper. There was that ad she’d been seeing every day, the one that seemed to challenge her. Get your scuba diving certification and explore the fantastic world of beauty and mystery that’s just below the water’s surface.

It was one of those things that sounded both heavenly and terrifying at the same time. She could picture the peacefulness of gliding through the water weightless, the only sound her own breathing as she explored a vibrant new world. But she felt queasy at the idea of taking those first steps. What if she felt claustrophobic or panicked? Could she drown or get bitten by a shark? She wasn’t sure what to think. Maybe she would mention it to Jamie. They always talked about doing something new and different together, but it never happened. Maybe this time, they would finally take the leap.

***

“Fasten your seatbelts and put your seats back in their upright position as the captain prepares for landing,” Jamie said into the microphone. She watched as rows of heads looked up from their phones and kindles at the sound of her voice. “We’ll be on the ground in 15 minutes.”

She walked up and down the aisles, collecting used cups and napkins, reminding people to stow their carry-ons and making sure the cabin was ready for the descent into Baltimore, which was home for her. She thought of the leftover vegetable chili she had in the fridge, the TV shows she had recorded to binge during her three days off and, most of all, her comfortable bed.

Even though Jamie travelled around the country, she didn’t feel like an adventurous person. She worked in a small and confined space, with a predictable and repetitious routine.  She was responsible for keeping her passengers comfortable and safe as they flew through the atmosphere at up to 550 miles per hour. It sounded remarkable, but in truth her job wasn’t rocket science.

She tended to fly to the same five or six cities, and she was usually back in time for dinner or the evening news. While the faces of the passengers changed every day, she encountered the same personalities on every flight – the flirtatious businessman, the needy older couple, the high-strung mom travelling with her kids. And that inevitability  brought a comfort and security to her days that made Jamie feel content. 

On her days off she spent hours at the ceramics studio. Molding clay gave her the same focused feeling as being in flight. It was her passion and her therapy.

She also savored spending time with her best friend Sarah. She loved hearing stories about Sarah’s law firm, a far cry from the tightly regulated world of the fuselage. She knew that Sarah admired her, but the truth was, Sarah was the one who deserved admiration. They were both guarded, but she was more open to change. Sarah was always suggesting they take exotic trips or dance lessons or volunteer to work with children in need, but Jamie could never make the commitment. She made excuses about her busy work schedule to hide her own fear and insecurity of trying something new.

***

Sarah opened the paper the next morning as she sipped coffee before work, and there was that ad again. “Get your Scuba Diving Certification in four weekend sessions and then sign up for one of our amazing trips, where you can dive, take photos and experience a once-in-a-lifetime underwater adventure.”

It was insane to think she would consider doing something like this. Last fall she had talked about taking dance lessons and the summer before she had looked into volunteering to work with disabled children, but she never followed through. She was having dinner with Jamie tonight. She vowed she would learn more about this scuba school and talk to her friend about it before she lost her nerve.

***

Jamie stayed in bed until almost 10:00 Thursday morning. She normally got up early, but she was feeling down today and didn’t even want to go to the ceramics studio. She had looked forward to these three days off. She couldn’t wait to get home last night. But somehow the house felt too quiet, and she found herself longing to be back on the plane listening to the comforting buzz of conversation around her.

Yesterday, a nice older man had told her all about his visit with his grandkids – and she had helped a mom settle her infant who had cried all through take off. She often thought of the people she met on her flights, but she was sure they never thought of her after they left the plane. The idea made her feel small and lonely. She dragged herself out of bed to run a few errands, and later she was meeting Sarah at their favorite Italian restaurant. That was something to look forward to.

***

Sarah arrived at the restaurant a few minutes early to be sure she could grab their favorite back booth. During her down time at work, she had researched the scuba place, and printed out schedules and descriptions. She wanted Jamie to know she was serious this time – that she was ready to sign on the dotted line as long as her friend was up for it as well.  She was ready to do something outside of her comfort zone … wasn’t she?

She waved when she saw Jamie headed toward the table. She noticed her friend looked tired, her eyes puffy and her hair not in the usual perfect bun she wore even when she wasn’t scheduled to work. Maybe it wasn’t the right day to talk about scuba lessons, or maybe it was the perfect day.

‘Hey girlfriend,” Sarah said as her friend approached.

“Hey Sarah,” Jamie said, sliding easily into her side of the bench seat. 

“You okay?” Sarah eyed her friend. 

“Yeah, I’m just tired today. I’m not sure why.”

“Maybe it’s the jetlag from travelling to Las Vegas and Denver this week. You flew across the country three times while I barely left my desk.”

Their favorite waiter Tony came over and they ordered two glasses of merlot and the fried calamari appetizer they always shared. They would munch on that for a while, and then each order their favorite pasta entree. 

Jamie usually told Sarah stories about her trips, or the passengers she met that week, but she wasn’t in the mood. “I was in both those places, but I never saw the outside of the airport.”

“Maybe not this week, but remember last week you went to that amazing new restaurant in Miami with the crew?”

“It is fun to explore the places we fly to sometimes, but Sarah, my job is not as exciting as you make it out to be. Most of my days are just spent walking up and down the aisles of the plane, pouring drinks and distributing snacks.  It’s my passengers who have the exciting life. I’m just helping them get to their destinations.”

“That doesn’t sound much different from my job,” Sarah said.

Jamie looked up at her friend, just as Tony brought over their wine. She thanked him and  wrapped her fingers around the stem of her glass. “Okay, what in the world are you talking about?”

“Maybe you’re just helping people as they go from one place to another, but so am I. You think my job is so important, but I spend most of the day sitting at my desk filling out papers so other people can move on with their lives. I’m living through them, following their ups and downs, but not really experiencing any of it myself.

Jamie took a long sip of her wine. “But you have a graduate degree,” she finally said. “You’re incredibly smart and you work around other smart people. I help serve coffee and tea.”

“And I help serve papers,” Sarah laughed. “I really like my job, and I’m good at it, but it’s not like I’m changing the world.”

“Sorry to interrupt,” Tony said, putting a platter down between them. “I have your favorite, and I made sure they were extra crispy.” He winked and walked away.

Jamie laughed. “We’re both really good at our jobs, but we’re also both creatures of habit.”

Sarah picked up a fried ring of calamari and popped it in her mouth. “I know, but these are so good.”

Jamie nodded in agreement. “Definitely, but we both need something new in our lives.”

“I agree” Sarah said. “But I always worry about what could go wrong. It’s so much safer not to risk trying something new.”

“And for me, it’s just familiar routines. That’s what I like about being a flight attendant. Every flight has the same tightly controlled protocols. But sometimes when I get home, I don’t know how to enjoy having free time. I seek out the same regulated life I have at work, and that’s not good.”

“Maybe that’s why we never actually do any of the things we talk about,” Sarah said. “We’re each depending on the other one to say yes, but instead we both make excuses.”

“I think you’re right, but what do we do about it?”

“Well,” Sarah said, pulling the papers out of her handbag. “I was thinking we could do this.”

“Scuba diving? You must be out of your mind. I think we need to start with something small,” Jamie said, her head still shaking as she scanned the sheets. 

No, I think we need to start with something big,” Sarah said. “And I can promise you, I’m more terrified than you are, but I think I’m ready to do this.”

Jamie read through the sheet. “Okay, it sounds like they walk you through every step, and you practice in a swimming pool, so that’s not too bad.”

“They’re not going to throw you into the ocean the first time,” Sarah said. “And when you finish, you don’t have to take one of their suggested trips unless you’re ready.”

“But if we get our certifications, we really should take one of their trips. I could use my travel discounts, and we can go someplace really amazing.”

“Sounds terrifying – and perfect,” Sarah said. 

“Which part?” Jamie asked.

“All of it,” Sarah admitted. “The idea of signing up, the idea of putting a mask on my face and breathing under water, and definitely the idea of doing it in the ocean.”

“So why do you want to do it then?” Jamie asked, leaning in toward her friend.

“Because if I don’t, and things just go on the way they are now, I’m going to look back one day and wish I had. I’m going to be sorry I let the worry get in the way of making the most of my life. What about you? Why do you want to do it?

“Hey, I haven’t said I want to yet,” Jamie said, but she looked much happier than she had just a few minutes earlier. “I guess I’m tired of feeling like my whole life is about watching other people have experiences and living my life through them. Sometimes when they share stories or photos with me, in that moment I feel so energized, but the feeling doesn’t last because I’m not the one taking the risk and putting myself out there.”

“So, you’re saying you do want to sign up for scuba lessons, or at least a part of you does?”

“Is this crazy?”

“Yes, no -- I have no idea. But it could be fun, and whatever happens, whether we make it through the course or not, it will give us our own stories to tell.”

“Okay, let’s go for it. If we can start next month, I’ll have time to adjust my schedule to make sure I’m off on Saturdays. I’m always accommodating the other crew members. I’m sure they’ll be happy to do the same for me.”

“Okay, then, we’re really doing this. I’ll send you the form, and we can sign up tonight when we get home,” Sarah said.

“Good idea, by tomorrow I’ll probably change my mind.”

“Then definitely tonight, and we’ll still have a few weeks to get prepared.”

The girls clinked glasses and made a silent promise to each other. They were going to try something new together and it was going to be fine, maybe even great.

“So,” Tony interrupted, “What can I get you ladies for your main course this evening. Will it be the usual?”

“No, not tonight,” Sarah said. “Can you give us a few minutes to review the menu”

“But before you go, can you tell us about the specials for this evening?” Jamie asked.

Tony nodded, his eyes shining. “So, we’re finally going to switch things up? That’s good. He handed them a sheet with the daily specials. “They’re all amazing, so whatever you pick, you can be sure you made a good choice.” 

“I guess even Tony knows you have to try something new every once in a while,” Sarah said. 

“Yes, I think so,” Jamie agreed. “He knows us better than I realized.”

Both girls studied the menu in search of something they’d never tried before. It was a small change, but a step in the right direction.