Chocolate-Raspberry Blues

Last night, I wished death upon myself. Apparently, God ignored my request and decided to wake me up by pouring sunshine in my bedroom like coffee in a cup. Its blazing rays stung my swollen eyes, forcing me to open them to receive the new day. I didn’t ask to be here. I asked for a forever goodbye. Perhaps God saw a bigger purpose for me.

           As I lay still in my bed, I could feel the cold moisture from the tears I released throughout the night. My body was numb with no desire to move after losing a big piece of myself. As I turned my head, I noticed the lonely slice of chocolate raspberry cake that I never touched. It once meant a lot to me. It used to symbolize a love I once knew. It was now a painful reminder that my life would never be the same again.

           I remember the first time my tongue grazed the fork of the first bite. The richness of the chocolate heightened with the tart flavor of the raspberry compote tickled my taste buds, causing me to dance and wiggle in my seat without caring about the gentleman watching me from across the café. The cake and I were in our own world as I savored each bite, and the sound of light laughter quickly reminded me that I wasn’t alone.

           My heart jumped when Ray and I made eye contact. His skin was as rich and smooth as the icing on my cake. His smile was sweet and inviting. There was something about him that intrigued me. When Ray asked if he could join me, I quickly obliged, and attempted to finish my cake in a still and calm manner.

“Why aren’t you dancing?” Ray asked as he watched me take the next bite.

Embarrassed, I replied, “I don’t intend to do that on purpose. It’s- it’s just that this cake is my favorite.”

Ray smiled. “Your joy and happiness makes me smile, and to think that it came from a slice of cake. There must be something magical inside.”

I blushed as I continued to dance for every bite that I took while getting to know Ray. We sat and talked for hours discussing astronomy, childhood memories, song lyrics, books, family recipes, and everything under the sun. The chemistry between us was electrifying. He had a kind spirit that made him feel as if he were an old friend. He made my chocolate raspberry cake taste even sweeter.

Ray and I were inseparable after that day. He always made sure that he had a slice of my favorite cake with him each time he graced me with his presence. I would always offer to share, but Ray would insist on watching me dance joyfully as I enjoyed my little piece of heaven. Ray had a way of making me feel comfortable in my own skin around him. He didn’t judge my corny jokes or my lack of rhythm. He didn’t laugh at my humility. He reminded me that my imperfections were flawless in his eyes. Ray was walking euphoria.

           Fifty slices of chocolate raspberry cake. One for each day that Ray and I spent together. For every slice, there was a story. For every slice, there was a smile. For every slice, there was laughter. For every slice, there was peace. Ray found the way to my heart, and every slice of cake made me fall deeper in love.

           Ray and I were supposed to meet for dinner a week ago. He told me that he had something special planned for the both of us, expressing how he couldn’t wait to see me do my “happy dance”. I don’t recall not smiling that day. Ray took the time to send me flowers and something that brought us together: an entire chocolate raspberry cake. I beamed as I read the attached note:

I’ll do everything I can,

To make sure you continue to dance.

Everything is my world is right,

Each time I watch you eat a slice.

-         Ray

           I didn’t eat the fifty-first slice that day, nor did I eat a slice thereafter. Hours went by as I waited for Ray to pick me up for dinner. I jumped each time a car passed by with the hopes that it would be him pulling into my driveway. The sun began to set, and the worry inside of me started to grow. After several text messages and calls, I didn’t hear back from Ray. I couldn’t think of any reason as to why he would stand me up. I grew tired of waiting, and eventually removed my heels and headed to my room.

           My heart skipped a beat when my phone rang an hour later. An eerie feeling sent chills throughout my entire body as I sensed that something wasn’t right. As I pressed my ear to the phone, I immediately knew something was wrong by the tone in the police officer’s voice.

“Ms. Williams,” he said, “I’m sorry to tell you this, but Ray has been in a terrible accident. Unfortunately, we were unable to save him.”

           Ray was killed in a head-on collision with a semi-truck. The driver lost control while texting and driving and took the life of someone I loved and cared so deeply for. I don’t recall ever feeling a piercing pain in my heart the way I did that day. Then again, I don’t recall ever loving someone as intensely as I loved Ray. He gave me a love that was genuine, true, and sweet.

           Ray was going to propose to me that night. The uneaten slice of cake held the ring that was meant for my hand, and I no longer had the appetite for it. A flavor that was once my favorite is now a painful memory of what Ray and I could’ve been. Without Ray, my life was bland, silent, and lacked excitement. Ray gave me reasons to dance and smile. I now understand why God didn’t grant my wish for a forever goodbye. He wanted me to learn to enjoy life one bite at a time.