The Slide

I can hear Mommy crying, I don’t know why she’s so upset. We were playing together in the park, I thought we were having fun. We spent all day together. First we went for breakfast at Mr. Maggi’s restaurant, then we walked through the mall to get new shoes, then we stopped for ice cream. We shared some peanut butter ripple, that’s the best flavour. Then we came to the park and she pushed me super high on the swings, so high I thought I was going to fly away! Then we went on the slide, it’s my favourite thing to do at the park. But then her phone rang and she walked away to talk. From up here on the playplace she looks pretty small. All I want is for her to come back down to the bottom to catch me. My feet are dangling off the side of the tower, the sand below looks so far away. Mommy is sitting on the bench beside the park, trying to talk quietly but I can still hear her. She whispers a word but I don’t know what it means. Su-islide. She starts crying harder. My tummy starts to hurt. We always liked slides before, I don’t know why they would make you sad. I wish she would be happy so we could keep playing. I’m scared to go down without her at the bottom to catch me, but it looks even more scary to go back the way I came up. I try to wave at her, but she isn’t looking. She stood up and is pacing back and forth. Her breathing kind of sounds funny. I don’t like it when Mommy is upset. The last time she was crying like this was when she broke her arm. We had to go to the hospital in the back of an ambulance and she had to wear a cast for two whole months!

 I know! A hug will make her stop crying, she told me last week that my hugs heal all her boo-boos, owies, and cries. I crawl to the top of the slide and sit on my bum, ready to go down. It’s really high. I get scared again and I’m not sure if I can do it. Then I remember what my Uncle Nathan taught me. I close my eyes really tight, count to three… one… two… three… open them back up, yell “blast-off,” and push myself down. I zoom down and sail off the end into the sand. Oof. But wait, I did it! I’m ok! I jump up happily to go tell Mommy, but then I remember my mission. I race super fast over to her side and grab her leg, squeezing as tight as I can. Oh, but not too tight, I don’t want her to cry more, and I’m super strong. She brushes my hair on top of my head and says through tears  “not now babes.” She keeps walking. I go sit down on the ground. My hugs always help, but not this time. The little ache in my tummy is getting bigger. I hear her say my Uncle’s name. I wonder what he did to make her sad. I’m going to have to give him a talking to, to let him know it isn’t very nice to make Mommy cry and that he shouldn’t do that. Maybe if I do something nice for her she’ll forget why she’s sad. I look around and see some flowers growing by the school. I run over to them and pick as many as I can. There’s some white daisies, some bluebells, and some beautiful red ones that I don’t know what they’re called. I spy some yellow dandelions and rush to pick those too. Yellow is Mommy’s favourite colour, she says it makes her happy because it reminds her of sunshine and happy days. I want today to be a happy day again. I pull all the flowers together and make them into a flower crown. Now she can be happy and beautiful. I turn around to go give them to her, but now she is crouched on the ground holding her knees. Her phone is laying on the ground beside her. I walk over slowly and gently put the crown on her head. 

“Mommy?” 

“Yes sweetie?” She says through tears.

“I made this for you so you feel better, I’m sorry you’re sad.”

She doesn’t say anything but pulls me in for a big hug. I can feel her shaking as she holds me close. She tells me we need to go home now. I nod and let her carry me down the path back towards the house. 

When we get home there are a bunch of people here. Grandma, Grandpa, some aunties and uncles, and a few of my older cousins. Everyone seems sad and is crying and I don’t know why. Usually when everyone comes over we laugh and play games and sometimes have a BBQ and a fire and I get to stay up extra late, but I don’t think we’re going to tonight. I look around for Daddy but don’t see him anywhere. My tummy is feeling worse and worse all the time. I want to go play with my dolls until everyone cheers up. I go into my bedroom and Daddy is laying on my bed facing the wall. I gently tap him on the back. He turns over and smiles at me, and whispers “hey beautiful.” He’s smiling but his eyes are red and puffy and look full of water. 

“Are you ok Daddy? Why is everybody so sad?” 

He sits up and pats the bed next to him. I climb up and let my legs swing off the side.

“I have something to tell you about your Uncle Nathan,” he says softly. Mommy comes in the room and shuts the door. She kneels beside the bed and puts her head in Daddy’s lap. 

“Where is Uncle?” I ask, he wasn’t in the living room with all the rest of the family. 

“Your Uncle… He…” Daddy’s voice is shaky and trails off. He wipes at his eyes with his sleeve and continues again.

“Your Uncle Nathan, he passed away sweetie.” 

“What does passed away mean?” I wonder, confused. “Is he still coming to my birthday party next month? He told me he was going to bring me a really awesome present if I had been good this year, and I’ve been extra good.” 

Daddy cracks a weak smile but his eyes fill back up with water as a single tear rolls down his cheek. Mommy doesn’t say anything but lots of tears are streaming down her face. 

“I’m so sorry honey, but your Uncle won’t be able to come to your party, he’s gone.”

“Well can’t he come back, even just for my birthday?”

“It doesn’t work like that princess, he can’t come back, he went to heaven.”

I don’t understand but I feel sick, my eyes are stinging and I feel like I’m going to cry now. 

“But why did he go? I didn’t want him to, I want him to be here and to take me back to the park.” I feel like I am choking and my words are hard to get out. I start to sob, Daddy rubs my back and he and Mommy pull me in tight towards them. I push them away and jump down from the bed. I run out of the room and towards the backyard. I can hear my family talking, and I hear some of them say the su-islide word again along with Uncle’s name. I really don’t like that word.

I run to my playhouse and find my dolly that Uncle Nathan gave me last birthday. I give it a big hug and cry into its head. I wish he was here. He was always my favourite, he was so big and strong, he’d lift me on his shoulders and walk around and I would feel so tall. He taught me about all my favourite sports, and took care of me whenever Mommy and Daddy went out for a date. He would let me stay up late with him and watch shows I wasn’t allowed to  until their car lights came into the driveway and he’d yell “Quickly, get in bed and pretend to be asleep before they come inside!”

He was the one who taught me how to go down slides. He would always be there at the bottom to catch me, and would help me climb or lift me back up to the top to go down as many times as I wanted. 

I feel mad and sad, I sit on the ground and rock my dolly, I think she’s upset too. I miss him, I want him to be here. I wish the su-islide hadn’t brought him to heaven. I don’t think I like slides anymore.