Room 312

Celia lay in the dark wondering what horrors were in store for her tonight. The nights were the worst. The night shift was always short workers, by the time they got to everyone in her section it was always, too little too late. I mean, what are you to do if you can’t get out of bed and do for yourself, you wait for someone to make it to your room and hope it’s not too late. Celia had already pushed the call button on the tethered device laying clipped to her pillow. She had pushed the button an hour ago, now she couldn’t wait, meaning she was messy again. It was really their own fault, they passed out the laxatives like candy every night right after dinner, need it or not, by eight that evening all the lights and bells started going off, it sounded like the place was in an air raid attack.

 At first it felt like she was sitting in a puddle of warm pudding, it sure didn’t smell like pudding, the more hours the clock clicked off, the more potent the smell became. By the time they made it to Celia’ room at the far end of the hallway; the pudding felt more like drywall paste that had begun to set-up, but just soft enough to smell like something had crawled out of her and died. She couldn’t stand to smell herself; she didn’t see how the attendants did it, cleaning dirty ass’s and changing night clothes on residents all day and night. Celia was sure they didn’t make much money doing the job. She never understood why hospital night nurses were paid so much more than the “nursing staff” at assisted living homes made. Were old people’s lives in care facilities worth less than others?

Sometimes Celia would smell food being heated in the microwave in the dining area and wondered how they could eat with the strong, constant smell of feces and urine in the air. She knew if it were her, it would ruin her own appetite, or at the very least make her gag while she tried to swallow whatever she had brought for lunch that shift. Celia lay back and tried to forget about the drywall mixture in her pants. She waited for the night attendant on duty that evening to arrive for her nightly sponge bath and get her ready for bed. She looked around her cell, as she not so fondly referred to it, the drab gray walls with matching ceiling, no personal items, no photos perched on bedside tables or hanging on walls. The only item of a personal nature in the room was a television left behind when the last occupant of her bed moved on. She had taken the scenic route up the stairway to her place in heaven, or so she was told. At least Celia hoped her predecessor took the stairs up rather than down to the basement.  She turned up the volume on the TV to block out the sounds of other residents that also waited for their turn for help getting cleaned up for the night. Murder She Wrote was on, she always liked that Angels Lansbury and the TV series, even that got old when there were few options late at night or little else worth watching night after bloody night.

There was a light knock on the door before a young woman in her mid – late twenties pushed through and made her way to Celia’ bedside. Celia looked at the girl through the haze of her old eyes and the light coming from the TV. She was one of the nicer ones, always keeping up a conversation while she worked taking care of her charges, a nice touch to make them feel included in the process. Her name was Lilly, she was divorced with two young children who stayed home with her mother while Lilly worked to pay off bills her ex-husband had run up on her credit card accounts, before he left her and their daughter high and dry. Celia liked Lilly and figured that her ex was a loser for walking out on her and the two children. Although, from what Lilly had said, she was probably better off than to be living with an abusive drunk.

“That about finishes us up for now.” Stated Lilly “Here are your nighttime meds, to help you sleep.” Everyone got the nighttime meds; it was the nurses’ way of getting a little break from the chaos, just put the residents in a catatonic stupor.

Lilly smiled warmly at Celia. “Is there anything else I can do for you before I go?”

Celia thought about this for a minute. She would really like a cup of tea or possibly juice, but she didn’t want to go through this whole demoralizing process again in a couple of hours when it made its way through her system to her bladder. “No, thanks Lilly. I think I’m just going to try to get some sleep.”

Lilly pat Celia’ hand affectionately. “I’ll say goodnight then, let me know if you change your mind, Okay.”

As Lilly made her way to the door, Celia called her back. “Hey Lilly.” She paused.

“Change your mind already?” Lilly laughed lightly.”

“No. uhm, do you know how long I’ve been in this facility? Celia asked.

“I’m not sure, you were here when I started working here, so that would mean you were here at least 10 weeks but I’m not sure. I can check for you if you like.”

Celia’ hands smoothed at the quilt covering her bed, “Also, can you tell me if Jay is working tonight?”

 Lilly looked back at her, “Jay? I’m not sure about Jay. I can have him check in with you when he clocks in if you want.”

“NO.” Celia said a little too quickly. “I mean, I was just wondering. He’s not as gentle as you are, that’s all.” She tried to blow it off.

“Are you sure. Is there anything you want to tell me about Jay, Celia?”

Celia wanted to tell her and everyone else a great deal about Jay, but was afraid of the repercussions that would bring. “No, nothing. Thanks anyway.” she forced a smile. “You have a good night, Lilly.”

Lilly looked at Celia for a long moment then started toward the bedroom door. “Get some rest. I’ll check in on you later.”  

Lilly stopped at the door to turn out the light. “Goodnight, Celia.”

“Night.” She returned, reaching over to shut off the television.

Celia lay in bed for a long time listening to the night sounds and other residents. Some would moan all night as if they were in terrible pain. Others would call out for a nurse, by name or just Nurse for what seemed like hours before she’d hear an attendant speaking to them in low whispers, then leave the room again, which started them up all over again. Other residents would leave their televisions on with the volume turned up so loud others would scream about the noise until the nurses turned them off. Celia wondered if they turned their volume up so they could block out other sounds, like she sometimes did.

Celia mostly listened for any sounds to alert her that Jay was in her section. She wished she could get out of bed and run away when she heard his voice in the hallway, or any rooms close to hers. She wondered if the other resident women received the same “special” treatment that Celia did from him. She had a roommate, Grace, when she first came to the home, there was a contradiction in terms… This was nothing like a home, it felt more like a prison to Cellia, or a place your family sent you while they waited for you to die, so they could be rid of you. But after a month Grace’s family moved her to another facility. Celia never knew why they moved her but when Grace was leaving, she gave Celia what seemed like a knowing smile.

“Good Luck.” Said Grace.

Celia frowned to herself, remembering the day her family brought her to this place. Trying to convince her the whole while how nice it was and how much fun she was going to have with other residents her age.

“Mom, you are going to simply love it here.” Her daughter Jannette said.

Celia had just eyed her as if she had lost what little sense she had been born with. “I would be happy at home.”

“It won’t be forever. Just until you get better.” She looked away as she said the words. Celia knew she was telling a lie.

“Honestly mom, I just can’t work and care for you and all your needs at the same time.” Jannette stopped pushing Celia’ wheelchair, looked her mother straight in the eye.

“Mom, you understand you must work hard at your therapy if you’re going to get your strength back. That will help you get around on your own. Or at least help me get you in and out of this chair and bed.” Jannette abruptly stopped talking.

Celia wanted to cry. “So, if I can’t get to where I can do those things I have to stay here? Is that what you are telling me?” She had always been a strong independent wife and mother. Kept her house in order. Cooked and cleaned, always had dinner on the table when her husband came home from work and was there to greet her children with snacks when they came in after school. Now, they just want to toss her aside. Now she’s the one that needs to be cared for.

“I’m not saying that mom. What I am saying is; coming back from a stroke is challenging. If you want to come home, I need to know you will be all right while I go out to make a living, when I need to leave you there on your own.” Jannette had stopped by a chair in the hallway and took a seat. She looked at all the seniors moving through the hallway with canes, walkers, and wheelchairs, many simply sat where their attendants left them in the hallway where they would watch the others or nod off until someone came to move them to another location out of the way of traffic. When she looked again at her mother she had tears in her eyes.

“Mommy, I just don’t know what else I can do, I love you. I want you home… it’s just… I can’t be there with you all the time; I must work to support us.” Jannette cried.

Celia had tears choking her when she spoke. “I’m sorry.” She cried. “I am trying to get better. I can take care of myself, just give me a chance. Please.”

“Mom, this is the second place we’ve had you in since your stroke, not counting the recovery facility across from the hospital. Each time they tell us they can help get you back to where you can at least get yourself to the bathroom, but they never seem to get you there.” Jannette sighed shaking her head.

“I’m sorry. I’ll do better, I promise. Just let me come home.” Celia begged.

“You can’t even stand on your own, even with a walker; you can’t use one arm and one of your legs. Your entire left side doesn’t work.” Jannette put her face in her hands, lifted it to look again at Celia. “If I could afford to hire someone to come in and stay with you while I’m at work I would bring you home in a minute, but I can’t afford it.” Jannette explained again.

“I can help, I have money.” Celia offered. She looked at the other residents as Jannette rolled the wheelchair towards her room.

“I know mom. Even with both our monies it isn’t enough. I checked into it, the cost of an in-home assistant, even just while I’m at work is still more than we can afford.” Jannette hurriedly looked at her watch. “Mom, I must go to work now. I’ll come see you as soon as I can, in a couple of days hopefully.”

Celia reached for Jannette’ hand as she rolled her into room 312.

Jannette made her mom comfortable in her bed, kissed her goodbye and started for the door.

“Honey,” Celia called after her. “Don’t forget to come see me.” she said weakly.

“I won’t. Soon, I promise.” Jannette called as she rushed out of the room.

Celia wasn’t sure exactly how long she had been in this hell hole, but she knew for sure it had been more than a few days. “God, please don’t leave me in this place. Please, let my daughter come and get me or take me home to heaven with you.” The tears poured unchecked as she hid her face in the pillow.

When Celia awoke the next morning, she realized she had lay there and cried herself to sleep the night before. The one blessing was she didn’t get a visit from Jay.

She looked up as the day nurse, Sandy, came in to get her cleaned up and dressed for breakfast. Sandy dressed her in her prettiest outfit, bright pink with tiny baby blue ribbons running through the chambray blouse with matching blue slacks. When Celia rolled into the cafeteria she couldn’t believe her eyes. Tears streamed down her face; she could barely see the most wonderful sight in the world, the short three feet away. Jannette sat at the table where Celia’ breakfast waited, juice and all.

“Mommy, I’m so sorry it took me so long to get back to you.” Jannette hugged her mother wiping away her tears. “I was trying to figure out a way I can get you back home where you belong.”   

“Really?” Celia croaked through her already sore throat from crying herself to sleep the night before.

“Really.” Said Jannette. “I explained the situation to my boss, she said if I could figure out a way to make it work, I could do my job from home.”

“Really?” Celia repeated, her voice barely a whisper now.

“Really.” Jannette stood and kissed Celia’ cheek.

“Where are you going?” Celia asked.

“I have some papers to sign if we’re going to take you home today.” Jannette said grinning at her mom.