Parallels

 In my office where I work there is a lot of gossip between staff. I happened to overhear a coworker telling another worker to grow up. “I thought to my self how rude”, but it made me remember my upbringing when I was verbally abused by my mother’s boyfriend.

Grow up Allen, there is a time and place to be childish and when to be a grown up, as my mother’s boyfriend yelled those words to me. It stopped me in my tracks and made me think he could be right maybe I do need to grow up. I took it more of as a scolding because what else would a 14-year-old boy think when their parent is yelling at them. I use the term parent loosely. I grew up in a house where I was verbally abused so words like grow up hurt me because all I was doing was being a kid, especially when it’s yelled at you. But that didn’t matter to the people who raised me. Growing up in a verbally abusive household I developed a vivid imagination. That was my escape, my coping mechanism. I dealt with the abuse the best way I knew how and making up worlds and people in my head was the only the tip of the iceberg. I would imagine having a family that was loving, caring, and rooting for me. In my imagination I would have sisters and brothers and we would be laughing at jokes each other made up and feasting on family dinners. Other images that plagued my mind were more escaped themed. I daydreamed of running away from home and living on my own. When I would have these daydreams, I didn’t how I would earn a living, but I think that’s the part of daydreaming because it’s not real. When you’re simply living in a fantasy world anything is possible and escaping my family’s abuse was necessary. I was loved and adored there nothing could hurt me there were no abusive neglectful parents in my fantasy world.

In real time I had a best friend name Paul, and he was someone I could look up to. I was young naïve and meek, but Paul was the opposite. He drove a fast car had a girlfriend and he had a bunch of friends. I used to think it was odd that he chose me for a best friend. We were polar opposites, but it was like it didn't matter to Paul. Paul was like the older brother so I pretty much hanged on every word he would tell me. Since he was older than me, I felt like I had something to learn from him. Even though I had that naïve streak I knew I could pick up something of value from him.  I mean the guy was positive and he never said a mean thing to me.

Growing up wasn’t always easy, my living conditions are pretty decent unlike my best friend Allen. I had to grow up fast because my mom and dad were always working. I cooked my own meals did my laundry and took care of errands for the household. My mom is always at work and dad is always busy running his businesses. I don’t have the same struggles as Allen, but I do struggle. I mean driving a fancy car does help the situation but not having my parents at home takes a toll. Afterschool id be cruising in my mustang with my girlfriend. Everything was good though I was captain of the football team, popular and had my best friend, Allen right by myside. The only thing that was missing was my parents. I had a need for them to be around, but they couldn’t because they had to care for me and my little sister. Lisa was spoiled by my parents unlike me. I had to take care of everything, and she got to be the baby. Being the baby meant she didn’t have to worry about anything. The little time that my parents did have, it was spent on my baby sister. This made me angry I mean I understand girls are important and should be valued, cherished, and protected but so did their son.

Even with everything I had I felt neglected.

Paul had it all I mean he has the perfect life his parents love him and provide for him. He has all the tools necessary to go on and do great things, but I feel as though I don’t have the opportunity. My mom and her boyfriend are there in the sense they are always home but there is no love and no support. Mom just sits there day after day and her boyfriend comes and goes as he pleases. That’s a good thing though I’m glad he doesn’t live with us because the situation would be worse. He already loves telling me how I need to grow up and that I’m immature imagine what he’d say if he lived with us 24 hours of the day. There are times when my mom was not paying attention and her boyfriend would say things like I’m stupid or that I’m too old to be acting a certain way.

Those statements just make me feel less than. It was like he enjoyed putting me down not even once suggesting a way to help in my immature ways. Not that I believed I was all that immature, but I let him believe I thought it. The abusive words did take a toll on me. This is when my daydream escapades would start.

In my mind I was the one that was popular and loved. I’d imagine myself as some sort of main character in a movie where everything revolves around me. I was the leader of the pack in school, and everyone knew me. I was in love, and I was loved back. I was snapped back into reality when my mom yelled for me to come answer the front door. “I thought to myself” why can’t she do it she’s just sitting there. I opened the door and of course its her boyfriend “hey stupid he says “as I grinned with anger. Later in my room I cried because I realized that I can’t live in a fantasy and stay in this screwed up house that I live in. its just more and more apparent that I need to leave for real and never come back.

I wish Paul knew what he had; he was cared for. I heard him complain a few times about things at home and while I heard him, I couldn’t understand what he was so sour about. Every time I go over for dinner his parents were so nice, I felt loved.

But from what I learned about Paul was he was the one to cook dinners and take care of the household. Paul never told me details of his life, so I just assumed things were perfect, but I guess no situation is perfect.