Death Becomes Him

Death Becomes Him - Flash Fiction

Caution: This story is about the effect on a child after her parents' breakup.

After a leisurely breakfast, Lynley finished reading the Daily Times but returned to the Births and Deaths column—hatches and dispatches, as she often called them. Did she know anyone who had died recently? One name stood out: Eric Peterson.

She could never forget him, but who else would remember? A list of Asian names followed, and then the names of his four children. Four first names only. Of course. Everyone would assume they had 'Peterson' or their spouses' surnames. Lynley and her siblings took on the name of their stepfather. All four of Eric's children were legally adopted by a stepfather who wanted them—in exchange for payment of Eric's debt. Lynley had always felt sold and wrangled with abandonment issues all her life.

As a seven-year-old schoolgirl, she had been away when he left them for good. Her father could be gone for weeks due to work. She remembered the fights, arguments, and sounds of breakables being smashed on his return. One day, she saw him in his car and assumed he would be home when she arrived, but he wasn't. Her mother explained he had abandoned them two weeks before. It sent her to her bed sobbing. She shook her head as she remembered her grief and her mother's stoic attitude that he was already dead to them.

Her father once broke into their home and stole their lounge-room furniture and other items. He had wanted to set up a flat for himself and didn't think of how they could replace those things, especially as they barely had enough money for food.

When the separation case went to court, the judge wanted the children to visit with their father, after which he saw them on Sunday afternoons. He took them to the beach, playparks, roller skating, pony riding, their grandmother's house, and the movies, in his car. (sometimes adult movies he wanted to see) One Sunday, Lynley insisted they go to the (1967 version) Doctor Dolittle movie, which she knew her mother planned to attend. They providentially sat in the row before Mother and her friend Maureen. She felt it was almost like being a family again, but her victory was short-lived. Her mother disciplined her soundly for her deviousness, especially when she found out Lynley bribed one of her younger sisters to say "Doctor Doolittle," not "Disney's Cinderella."

Her father smoked, and their mother hated the smell when they returned home. Lynley felt disloyal if she acted happy or said she had a good time, so she remained aloof. In fact, she was responsible for two younger sisters, which offset any real fun she could have.

During one home drop-off, he spoke to Lynley after her siblings had left. He told her about a movie he had seen about a little girl who reminded him of her. The girl loved her father so much that when he disappeared, she, with the same extraordinary bravery as the heroine of True Grit, travelled far to finally find her father again. He hoped Lynley had this same devotion for him. Many years later, she saw this movie and immediately recognized it despite not remembering its name. The Journey of Natty Gann. Her father never considered how a young child could be loyal to one parent and disloyal to the other. Had he expected her at eight to seek a father she loved while worrying about a mother, left behind with three younger siblings? And Eric had no excuse for not saying goodbye. Natty's father had a reason. Like Natty Gann, she may have been brave, but Eric had proven himself unworthy by actions and inaction.

Her mother remarried, and Lynley was forced to write notes for their father to say they were out. After this, the family regularly went out on Sunday afternoons. Lynley felt horribly disloyal for being forced to write them. They stopped seeing him altogether. Many years later, her father blamed her for stopping the visits in such a thoughtless way. He blamed her for his decision to allow them to have a new father. She felt she couldn't blame her well-meaning mother. The situation created more wounds in her heart.

As an adult, Lynley conversed with her mother, trying to bridge the gap between their feelings. "Mum, you were six years old when your father died. You had wonderful memories of a happy life with a great father who loved you. If you thought we had any happy feelings when our father left, you are wrong. We remembered the fights . . . but I still loved him. He had all those other women, very young Asian women—some only after his money—but happily sold us to our stepfather in exchange for having a massive debt paid - what he owed for child support for 6 years. I always grieved that he chose to live without us, sold us, and didn't bother to keep contact."

"I never thought about that, darling. I'm sorry. You're so right."

Once married, Lynley found solace in her husband's arms, where she cried her final tears over her birth father, finding a sense of closure in the retelling of her story.

"I remember how he left without saying goodbye. Why couldn't he have said 'goodbye'? When he finally looked us up several years ago, he simply wanted to check how we were doing. My younger sister broke her heart over that. She thought her long-lost and never-known father had returned to her. The truth is, a father is the one who wants you and puts his money where his mouth is. I didn't appreciate what our stepfather did for us until I grew up. It takes a true father to marry a mother and take on the responsibility of four children, not his own. Some men can produce children but make lousy fathers. Eric was one of those."

She finally felt she could leave it all in the past and move on.

The End.