Top tier ‘green flag’ energy

I first met her at an intercollege competition. The moon's pure white light turned my world ablaze when I saw her. She had a petite figure, a curved waist, and a fair complexion with a beautiful yellow undertone. The thin gold necklace she wore around her neck enhanced her facial features. The hint of gold made her look warm and elegant. Her lush s-shaped eyebrows raised mildly as she took notice of me. We kept interchanging looking at each other. Her eyelashes fluttered while she was staring down at her notebook pensively – mild mascara was applied to her naturally beautiful and curly eyelashes.

As I planned to approach her and walked closer to her, I felt cold waves down my body watching how well-designed her nose piercing was for her cute button nose. She murmured to me “Excuse me” with a rather gentle and soothing voice. I could not muster up the courage to speak to her and nothing, but air came out of my mouth.

She silently had been observing me and to my surprise, she befriended me. I felt 10 years younger than my age and she made me feel as if I was in high school. She is the sweetest person I have met in my life, but everything felt complicated at that moment. I know I have left her with memories, but I am aware I appeared to be a selfish jackass to her. She was out of my league and I certainly felt a strong attraction towards her, but I was not willing to give up my independence.

To my surprise, she is just as ambitious as I am. Goal-oriented should I say in the least. At that point it was complex we came from two different cultures, I barely knew her and assumed her sweetness was all just a mask. It seemed to me that she was in search of love and she was really committed to whatever she wanted. I had a bunch of douchebag friends, they were of the same culture as her, and envied the fact that she was the prettiest girl and gave all her attention to me. She is naturally an introvert and struggled to tell me how she felt – I did not know what to make of it – and for a guy like me who lives in the moment, I did not really know how to try to make an effort.

My friends have always said I have quite the charm and my charisma can attract anyone – which was the truth, I attracted everyone, so making an effort towards any relationship was new to me. Months later thoughts of her lingered in my mind. I strategically planned to stalk her on social media, no not the obsessive psychotic kind of stalking, but the gentle research kind of stalking. Yes, she is still single! That somehow made my heart happy, and she glowed even more. There is something mysterious about her, she is gentle yet a true leader. Yes, she is the complete package and maybe the one meant for me.

***pensive thinking***

Every time I hugged her, I could sense myself responding to my most biological instincts because I saw her as worth protecting. Yet, I withdrew myself from her and just ran off. We haven’t been in contact for a year, but the warmth she made me feel reminded me that I had to deal with my parental wounds. She is a born nurturer and her divine feminine and masculine traits coexist in perfect harmony.

Whereas, I am always fixated on a goal and try to be ahead of the game. Does that make me tough? Probably does, I set my focus on my work and forget every emotion and person while doing so, but she is not that easy to forget. For the first time, I feel like slowing down in life and inviting someone else into my life. Sharing my life with someone else did not sound like a bad idea at all. A thousand thoughts ran through my mind, I wondered if Ouma would like her. I wonder if she and I would clash – she is conservative and orthodox, but the largest at heart.

Why do I suddenly feel the need to protect her from the people who take her kindness for granted and bully her around? The strange enough thing is she is well aware of this, but you know what is even stranger, she is even able to stay calm under all the chaos. She is refreshingly honest, she is on the go, cheerful, a happy mind, and a subtly arrogant, but classy woman. Our minimal interactions keep playing over and over again in my mind like a tape recorder that is stuck on repeat. It scares me a little more that if I invite her into my life, would I get completely immersed in her way of life?

I once said to her “Jy is `n slim meisie, jy moet weet” during our conversation in the hopes that she would understand I was also attracted to her. She definitely understood what I meant, she is a smart cookie and sagacious, but I can still remember her reaction to my statement that day. She charmingly looked at me appreciative of what I said to her, but in awe that I would recognize how smart she is. That there is humility personified – around her I become someone softer, I felt more alive, yet uncomfortable.

I can feel her presence in my dreams, and I can sense that our journey isn’t over. That intercollege competition was just a social event that I wanted to attend to unwind after exams, it was not meant to be life-changing, but here I am..!

***somber music playing***

I began scrolling through my feeds aimlessly changing between content, while my brain did its thing releasing dopamine kicking up a rumpus.

***mindless scrolling***

My brain started buzzing with thoughts and all those thoughts just craved leads on her. I searched through a hundred of webpages and suddenly landed on pages that redirected me to her work. All her work somehow led me to discovering she is genuine, filled with love and she has been protecting her heart. She suddenly worked her magic like water to the inferno within me.

Have you ever met an old soul who rejoices in their wisdom? I have! That is her – she has lived through the deepest nights and the sprightliest days.

It triggered me that her beauty goes unnoticed. Almost like white light passing through a prism unaware that it is a permutation of all colors in the color spectrum. In the same way, her presence, appearance, purity, and perspective in life altered mine.

In the pursuit of figuring her out, I have become a better person.

Did she personify the sixth beatitude found in Matthew 5:8? Blessed is her pure heart, for she makes me feel closer to God.

***unfolding of life***

Hubba, Hubba!