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Submitted to: Contest #217
Written in response to: "Write about a person who's been called to mentor someone in a special skill, but doesn't really want to."
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4 comments
Contemporary Creative Nonfiction Inspirational
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I like the message at the center of this, and the evolution of Anya and Maya's relationship is beautiful. I especially liked Anya's struggle at the beginning of not knowing how to mentor someone in something that she is just learning herself. That imposter syndrome can be very real.
I do have a suggestion regarding the scope of your story: You attempt here to tell the story of a lifelong relationship and all the progression and development within it. Because there is so much information you're trying to convey in here, we don't really get the opportunity to zoom in on a closer level and viscerally experience any of the events in here that you talk about. Because of the bird's eye view in this, it feels more like a field report than a short story. Perhaps diving into one episode at the beginning (or middle) of their mentorship and really fleshing it out would be a more emotionally engaging experience for your reader.
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Thank you so much for your feedback. It is greatly appreciated, and I will utilize your suggestions. Thanks again and have an amazing day.
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Denise, I agree with Audrey, you are trying to cover too much in this very short story. Because of it, you don't get a connection with either character.
A few technical points:
1) Instead of saying "one day", give more of a timeline: Years? Weeks?
2) The two names are very similar in sound and length. Vary the names more.
3) Zoom in more. Detail the gift. Describe the type of art. Show that you know your topic.
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Thank you so much for your feedback. It is greatly appreciated, and I will utilize your suggestions. Thanks again and have an amazing day.
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