Falling

Factory smoke enveloped London in a grim curtain. The higher Ellie climbed, the heavier it got.

“Are you sure we’re allowed to be up here?” Ellie asked as Nate dragged her up the curving stairwell onto the ladder that led to the roof. Nine stories up, she’d heard that this was the best place to see the city. On a clear day, of which there had been few recently, they said you could see the spires of the cathedral and even the university, but there was a reason a parish apprentice would never come up here herself. She clambered up the ladder behind the boy. “Nate! Are you sure?”

He spun, grinning at her, and she was struck by the effortlessness of his smile. Wasn’t it only last night that she had heard him hacking his lungs out? His parents had been worried enough to call for the doctor. They hadn't even called a doctor when Marie had slipped and crushed her hand in the loom.

Still, he was their son. If it had been one of the parish apprentices, she doubted they would have bothered to get help.

“No. I’m not sure.”

“Then what are we doing here? Your parents will kill me if they find out! I could get kicked out on the streets! I wouldn’t have a place to sleep anymore.” Even as she said the words, Ellie felt a shiver run down her back. Working at the mills as a parish apprentice was bad, but living on the streets without even the meager protections afforded by the Church was worse. The streets and disease went hand in hand. She didn't think she could watch as everyone around her succumbed to the illness that had stolen her mother years ago. She could barely watch the ones on the street suffering from it now, when she walked past the clumps of beggars on her rare day off. "I can't get kicked out."

But Nate reflected none of her worry, offering her a hand as they walked to the edge of the roof. “You really think I’m going to let that happen, love?”

Ellie scoffed. “I think you have less of a choice in the matter than Brandon when Marie got kicked out last year.” After all, Brandon was the older brother, healthy and smart. Going places. He got everything he wanted until his parents caught him fooling around with Marie.

Marie, the girl who Ellie had once worked with in the mills. Marie, who was likely starving as they spoke. Ellie had to stop herself from peering over the edge and searching the contorted streets below for Marie's glowing red hair under the fading embers of dusk.

Nate stiffened, bristling like an offended alley cat. “Don’t bring my brother into this.”

“You think I can stop myself?” Ellie asked him seriously. “I can’t help but feel like I’m making all of her mistakes all over again. We all watched it happen last year, you know. It was like she was falling in slow motion, but none of us could convince her to grab our hands. She said she was in love with him. And look at her now.”

Something tight twisted in her stomach at the thought of Marie begging for handouts, unable to get work even in the mills anymore. Nate’s parents may have been poor this season, but they could be very powerful. And no one wanted to hire an apprentice reject.

Nate winced. “I know. I see her on the streets sometimes. I give her money when I can, but money’s tight and between helping keep the orphanage running and us having to call the doctor every third week—”

She cut him off, suddenly furious. Nate should not be the one trying to keep Marie alive, not when he was trying hard enough to keep himself alive right now. “And where is Brandon?”

“Ellie,” he said quietly, trying to take her hand, but she jerked it away.

“He abandoned her, Nate! Left her to die.”

Nate shook his head. “He didn’t have a choice in that either. Our parents have been saving for him to go to university since he was born.” He caught her hand and squeezed it gently, trying to reassure her, she supposed. “But I’m not going anywhere,” he promised. “No one expects me to.”

She closed off. Yet another thing that she didn’t want to be reminded of. “Right.”

He sighed. “Ellie, what are you talking about now?”

“I heard the doctor talking last night,” she snapped. A strange expression passed over his face, somewhere between fear and uncertainty, but she plowed on. “You’re risking your life being near this factory, and no, it doesn't matter how good your intentions are because your parents aren’t going to let you kill yourself slowly so they can get some cheap labour out of some street rats for much longer.”

He pulled her into himself, his chest against her back, and buried his nose in her hair. “It’s not like I have anyplace to go.”

That was a lie she didn’t want to consider. She rested her head on his shoulder, and he leaned into her. The view really was beautiful here, the gentle glow of flickering streetlights tracing the street far below them for what could be miles. Endless light. She looked up. “Do you remember what it was like to see the stars?” She asked in a whisper.

Nate took a rattling breath. “No. I’ve always lived in the city, remember, and I’m not that much older than you.” He hesitated. “Do you? From before you came here?”

“Sometimes I think I do. In the country, with Mum on the farm. Other times I think that it must be a dream I made up so it didn’t hurt so much to lose her. So I had at least some good memories with her, since I didn’t with my father.”

Nate nodded. They sat in what might have been silence if it weren’t for the hum of the city six stories below. Most of the factory workers were on their way home now, calling goodbyes as they walked the streets. The building beneath the two of them shifted and creaked, settling further into its foundation. A few alleys down, a cat yowled a battle cry before being doused with water from someone’s window.

“Shut up, you stinkin’ cat!” A man yelled. A window slammed. 

“Brandon used to talk about what it was like before, though.” Nate said suddenly. “Ten years older than me, he’d know. He said that the moths used to be almost all white.”

Ellie lit up. “I remember that. I remember my mother telling me that the black moths used to be rare, before all the smoke filled the air.” She paused. There was something melancholy in her voice when she spoke again. “Now you rarely see a white one.”

Nate coughed heavily. The sound filled the air more than the smoke and the fog ever could, it was more suffocating than any summer night in the mills. He coughed for what felt like an endless moment, an eternity that left Ellie breathless with fear. The air stank worse than before, a sour smell having joined the stench of the lower alley. But finally, Nate heaved a breath that settled deep into his lungs and ended the choking sound. He pulled out a handkerchief and wiped his mouth, trembling a little.

“So it is getting worse.” Ellie whispered, drawing her knees up to her chin. “You’re dying.”

Nate tried to grin, but it came out more like a grimace. “Everyone’s dying, love. I’m just a little faster than most.”

“Faster than I want you to be.”

His grin slipped. “Faster than I want to be.”

“Why does it have to be like this?” Ellie asked. “Why can’t we be happy?”

Nate slung an arm around her, tugging her tightly to himself. He held her and they rocked on the edge of the roof under the mask of smoke painting the sky. 

“Because,” Nate said. “Because we’re falling.”