How To Fix My Mistake

“Did you hear?” A blond girl in my class whispers to one of her friends, “That girl who sits in the back? I think her name is Iris. Well, apparently, she’s awful! Eliza told me that she had a friend who she turned into a dope head.” They may be pretending to whisper, but I can hear their gossiping from across the classroom, so can the whole class, but no one seems to care, not even the teacher.

“Oh yeah,” one of the brunettes beside her responds, just as eager to gossip. “Well I heard that since she was a kid she’s been a drug mule!” When I hear the rumor I am forced to pause.  It’s not that I haven’t heard these kinds of things before, it’s just that this rumor is something else because I started it.

I’ve always gone to school with Iris, but we’ve never been friends, I’ve never even had a real conversation with her. Still, two weeks ago when I found myself sitting with the cool kids group as they gossiped, I opened my mouth and… If I had known how bad the rumors would get I never would have-I don’t want to admit to it, it’s too shameful. I don’t know anything about Iris and her family yet I said what I did. I recited the whispers from middle school. I shouldn’t have done it, I know that, but it’s too late to take it back. After I recited the one rumor a million more spawned, all surrounding her. She’s never done anything to me, we don’t even know each other and yet, I turned the fury of high school teens onto her. 

I feel so bad for her and what she must be going through. I wish I could help her, but getting anywhere near her will cause rumors about me to spread and I don’t think I’d be able to handle that. I’m sure that after a while it’ll cool down and she’ll come out alright; as the saying goes, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and that’ll apply to her! She should be thanking me!

…

I’m full of crap.

One of those mean girls' hoighty toighty laughs cuts through the air, louder than before and pierces my ears. “Really? You’re kidding! She can’t have already been to jail.”

For the first time since they began talking, I glance at the group of gossipers and immediately regret it. Sitting between me and them is Iris, the target of their malevolence, but she’s not reacting to them, instead she’s looking at me with a true death glare. It’s the kind of stare that makes you think Medusa, one that should be able to kill and turn to stone. Once we make eye contact, I’m locked in her gaze, her angry, miserable, somber stare. She’s looking at me like she knows all my crimes and that sends a chill down my spine.

I should apologize. No, I need to apologize. If I don’t own up to what I did then I will always be deserving of that glare and I never want anyone to look at me the way she is, never again. I’ll start by apologizing so the ball of guilt in my stomach can dissipate, then I'll recant the story I told those awful girls. When I do that, I’ll become the new item of ridicule, but is it makes up for my mistake then I can bear it. My thoughts are frozen when Iris takes her gaze away. She raises her hand. The class too goes silent as if remembering that she’s there.

“I’m not feeling well, may I go to the Nurse’s Office?” She asks politely once the teacher calls on her. 

“Sure,” the teacher says haphazardly from his seat at the front, behind his desk, lounging in his chair.

“Thank you,” Iris says politely as she begins packing up all of her things, prepared to leave for the day. I listen to the clinking of her metal pencil pouch as she starts to walk towards the door. The door! I’m right by the door! Before she walks out I can stop her and-

I look up as she passes by me. She’s walking briskly like the class is her least favorite. Looking at her from my seat, she towers over me, strong yet brittle and crumbling, in need of someone to help her. 

Every muscle in my body is tense as I make myself reach for her, but she’s gone too fast. Just as quickly as she appeared in front of me, she’s gone, out the door and down the hallway.

I missed my chance. I’m a coward. I failed to redeem myself. How could I have let the chance just pass me by? I should have been quick to apologize! I should never have said anything about her! I should-

“She left one of her books,” her desk mate says. Really? I look over and sure enough one of her books is still there, it’s a fictional story, one I haven’t read yet still my favorite book because it is my second chance!

I jump to my feet and scream, “I’ll take it to her.” The entire class looks at me like I’ve grown a second head. I’m tempted to curl up into a ball and die, but this is my chance, I must make it up to her!

“Okay,” the teacher says, just as confused by my exuberance by the rest of the class.

Striding quickly, I snatch the book and walk to the door, but half way out a wave of bravery hits and I turn back. The entire class is looking at me like I’m some wild beast!

“I started the rumors about Iris, but none of them are true, so stop being mean to her.” Once the words leave my lips my bravery too is gone so, now terrified of what I have just done, before anyone can react, especially not the teacher, I run after Iris, determined to offer her her own apology before I have to face the consequences of what I just said. I find her before I get to the Nurse’s Office. She’s staring through a window at the field beside the school.

Once I see her I present the book to her in a half bow so I don’t have to see her rage and shout, “I’m sorry!” She spins to me. “I started the rumors about you again and I’m sorry. I take full responsibility and I will do everything I can to get your life back to normal!” A weight has been lifted from my chest now that I’ve apologized.

She neither shouts, nor forgives, but she takes the book from my hand and that’s a start.