The Hottest Day

Trigger Warning: Divorce, Breaking Up, Cancer, Infertility

She was dreading walking into the blistering heat, her wide sunglasses already adorned upon her face. It hid her tears from the world, not that anyone would blame her. It wasn’t an everyday thing to end a marriage. Even with the cheating accusations and arguing about whatever little thing they could bring up, Jill still loved Pete. 

She still viewed him as the guy she met at the bookstore, reading Jane Austen in hopes of striking up a conversation with a particularly pretty cashier named Audrey. She wasn’t there that day, Jill was though. And with it being slow in the store, she was the one who came over to ask him if he was enjoying the book and needed any help. His smile lit up the room even after he noticed that it was Jill, not Audrey. He told her many times throughout their 10 years together that he was more than happy with how things worked out. She was too even throughout the last couple of years. Their meet cute was the light in some pretty dark times. 

The lawyer’s office was swanky, something she figured (and wished to avoid as it usually meant more money spent) for its downtown location. The air conditioning had been cranked up the entire drive, but it did little to help with her naturally frizzy locks and sensitivity to the heat. She still felt nausea as the heat enveloped her, both inside and outside her minivan. The Mom Van, Pete had called it when she brought it home, eyes wide at her choice of vehicles. 

“It’s for the dogs,” she exclaimed. Her two beautiful boys, both Catahoula Leopard mixes, were named Sherlock and Watson. They were beyond spoiled already, according to Pete, but Jill often maintained that they had shorter lives compared to Jill and Pete so why not spoil them? She expected him to argue the point as he had been doing for quite awhile now, but he just smiled and kissed the top of her head. The boys, of course, chose that moment to barrel out of the house and tackle their owners full force. A beautiful moment that she wished she could have captured in a bottle and brought out when she needed it most. But life wasn’t just moments, it was the big deals in life that often defined people. For her, most people would have said that she was a failure as a wife. She wasn’t a good cook, cleaner, dog mom, and she couldn’t give him a child. The one thing that they both wanted more than anything and she couldn’t do it. Surviving uterine cancer was an achievement she celebrated, but also lamented. Saving her own life caused the ability to make another to be unceremoniously torn from her and consequently Pete as well. She shrugged, guessing he could have kids with whomever he wanted now. If he wasn’t already, her bitter thoughts broke through the dam of her mind. She wasn’t the one who accused him of cheating. No, he liked to think her trying to exercise more and watch what she ate was a result of another man and not having survived cancer or just wanting to feel better. It had to be a good looking gym rat or one of the male yoga teachers. Or heck even just some random man off the street, unknown for anything other than his skills in the boudoir. She let out a small chuckle and smiled for the first time all morning as she walked inside. Though she loathed taking off her sunglasses, she capitulated in her inner war and set them inside her big, black knockoff designer purse. She walked to the receptionist inside the lobby who had perfect makeup and a red silk blouse that Jill had to resist asking about its origin. One thing she was more than a little happy to accept was Pete’s settlement in the marriage. He hadn’t admitted he was wrong about her, but he had told his lawyer to settle since they couldn't prove infidelity. The lawyer had resisted as any good lawyer would have, but Pete insisted on her and the boys being set up very well. The thought made the tears return and she batted them away as the receptionist brought her back to the room with the lawyer. 

Pete and the lawyer stood up as she entered the room and Pete pulled out her chair for her. 

“This is a no contest divorce, which means you do not wish to proceed to court over divided assets or custody.”

“We don’t have children, only dogs, and we’ve already agreed on visitation rights for myself,” Pete stated, looking at Jill with a sad smile. 

“I can’t do this,” Jill announced suddenly as she stood up to leave the office. 

“Jill, please. We’re starting to hate each other,” Pete begged. 

“I love you, I always have. Why do you have to accuse me of cheating, of being all these horrendous things?!” She screamed at him and the lawyer gave her a warning look. 

She made herself calm down, looking at Pete with his honest blue eyes and crooked toothy smile and she just didn’t want to give up. 

“You’ve been so different since you survived. I told you I don’t care about having children, I don’t care about anything, but you. But it’s NEVER enough for you.”

“It is, though, enough. Please, Pete.”

“I can’t live in misery, Jill. The cancer wasn’t my fault or yours. It happens, things happen and you’ve always had trouble dealing with everything. I accused you of cheating once because you smelled like cologne and I’m sorry. But you always accuse me of everything. I don’t love you because I’m too apathetic. I don’t need you because I don’t call or text you every second.” 

Jill was shaking her head rapidly, his version of the story was always logical and hers always emotional. It was always the same with him, her emotions ruined everything. 

A sudden blackout turned everything off, including the air, and she could feel the tension and heat rise. 

“Ugh, sorry, folks. Rolling blackouts tend to happen on the hottest day, the backup generator should kick on soon.” The lawyer stepped out of the room to discuss the situation with his receptionist. 

Her chest was still heaving with emotions and Pete stood, looking concerned for her and annoyed with her at the same time. 

“Love isn’t always enough and there will be someone for you.” Sweat beads started to form on his face and she could feel the nausea come back around with the heat prickling her body. 

She located the paperwork and signed her name, turning around and leaving him in the dark. 

The sobbing turned into screaming as she replayed every moment from the car ride home to letting the boys out all the way to bed. She had messages from him, but she chose to ignore him. 

The hottest day of the year was the day her marriage officially ended. 

She thought more about what Pete had said in the office that day in the following years; especially when she met John, another dog parent. She watched her behaviors and she worked in therapy which John occasionally joined, wanting to work on himself as well. The wedding wasn’t like her first, but as they drove from the church, she looked at John with new eyes. 

Pete would later remarry, have a kid, and then divorce all within 5 years, but he had his wish. Still, Jill always occupied his mind. That’s the thing about life. We all have something to work on, someone better to be. With the right partner, it’s always possible for better.