“On the Background”

“Hey! What’s up guys?”

I always greet my friends this way with a big big smile on my face.

They know me as someone who is always cheerful; who is courageous enough to face challenges; who is someone whom they can always depend unto.

I like the way they see me as someone strong and who is always there for them.

They say that they admire me for being sometimes inspirational and I’m happy that I am.

I am happy to see them happy whenever I’m with them even though it takes me a lot of effort to do so.

--

My name is Rob. 24 years in existence.

Different from how other people look at me, I see myself in a more trying situation. But it's alright. It's fine. I'm actually cool with that.

Yes, I sometimes do speak a lot. But I keep things unsaid, hoping that other people will understand.

Yes, I am somehow expressive. But I am more expressive in my own company. Just walls surrounding me and playing along. Writing poems and songs, praying, listening to music, reading books and watching series from Netflix.

I love going out with friends. But it's too soothing when it's just me! Walking amidst the crowd, vibing alone, and having that feeling that the universe is blessing my every step!

Yes, I am very friendly. But when it comes to opening up, and spending time with someone,

I always prefer those three old friends from school.

I remain silent at the moments. Because most of the time, I just enjoy listening more.

I just love it when someone’s voice flows in, and the heart echoes.

I sometimes reject invitations not because I hate being with the person, but because I won't be able to be myself if I’ll force myself to accept them. But of course, there are times that I’d say yes because they insist but be assured that my mind would be elsewhere.

I might seem calm outside, but there's lots of chaos going within. Like a whole different world is built up in my tiny, tired head. Crazy, but true! I’m someone who could attend a party and then disappear just out of the blue.

--

Though some people would see me as an extrovert, I know from the very start that I am really an introvert.

As an introvert, I feel like I’m having this socialization battery which always runs out every time I would be indulged into a long long conversation with someone whom I do not know much. It really feels like I would be needing a daylong of me-time after such. I’ve been dealing with that for a long time without anyone noticing it. It’s not that I am ashamed of it. It’s just that I know that it won’t be necessary for other people to know that.

I respect and enjoy most of my introvert aspects, but I know that there are some that needs some fixing. As an introvert, I couldn’t always expect that there would be someone who would push me to have confidence and be still in trying times. I must do it myself sometimes. That’s why I find my relationship with God very significant. It helps me a lot with dealing with my weaknesses and knowing who really I am meant to be.

Way back in college, I tried having a Temperament Test. That’s when I discovered that I’m a Phlegmatic type of person-- introverted but will frequently work together with others to achieve a common goal.

I discovered a lot more about myself after that test. I was able to recognize my strengths (such as being witty, dependable, easygoing, efficient, calm) and my weaknesses (such as being slow, lazy, provocative, selfish, stubborn). With that, I’ve learned how can I become a better person.

It’s so easy to say that we only need to be ourselves, but I believe that it would be difficult to do so if we do not know well ourselves. Aside from that, we cannot excuse our wrongdoings by just saying that I’m just being myself. That might be the reason why many people, especially introverts, would eventually feel lonely.

But we must remember that alone and lonely are two very different things. We may choose to be alone and be quite happy. Most introverts crave such time to relax, do hobbies, be a bit introspective, and reenergize. We need our time alone. No need to be embarrassed by alone time. We are feeding our body what it needs.

Loneliness, on the other hand, is when you feel all by yourself and don't want to be. I felt lonely for most of my life. I felt different and incapable of doing what others around me seemed to do easily - socialize, chat, hang around together. It appeared everyone else had no problem with that.

Later I realized, 40-60% of people in the general population, in the classroom, at the workplace, are introverts. We aren't alone. We are the reserved and often unconnected many. This gives me a feeling of empowerment and community.

The good news is that God has given us the Holy Spirit to help us overcome our flesh and to walk in the Spirit. “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” (Gal 5:22-23)

I have learned that from the bible, Abraham can be considered as a good example of a Phlegmatic person. He is a classic example of how God can transform a person’s natural weakness into strength. Abraham’s fear, worry and indecision became resolution, courage and action to the point that more space is given to Abraham in the New Testament than any other Old Testament character.

I’ve realized then that there’s nothing that could really transform us into a better version of ourselves except the love of God. With God’s love, we can possibly avoid feeling lonely even though we are alone.

On the other hand, feeling lonely because others bully you or leave you out, often because they don't want to put the effort out there to get to know someone who is different from themselves, is frustrating but honestly unnecessary.

We have the power to be our own bouncer. You know, the people at the nightclub door who don't let people in. We need to bounce people out of our lives who are unkind and unsupportive. We don't need that negative energy.

--

Yes, I am. I’m an introvert!

I’m not shy. I’m a noticer. I’m a thinker. I’m an observer.

I’m not stuck up. I’m not anti-social.

I just treasure my solitude. (Probably, that’s one of the reasons why I love going to church and just keep on talking with God.)

I’m not a fan of small talks. I prefer a few close friends. I am reserved, until I’m not.

I appreciate true connections so if we connect, please know that you matter with me.

God made me this way and I’m so much grateful for that.

There’s a good reason why God did not make everyone introvert or an extrovert.

It’s for us to have a well-balanced world and for us to learn how to respect one other’s personality more.

Despite the difference in personality, I do believe that two people can still get along well if they have the same values and vision. And that’s just what makes the world a better place to live in.