Diary Of A True Seeker July 2066

“If it’s not sufficient enough to be laughed at, it’s not sufficient enough to be tao(life).

                                                           -Lao Tse-

     Time… A relative concept that adorns a plethora of perspectives. It can both heal and torture, as well as run parallel or congruently. A man made blanket out of abstract fabric. The only true currency by definition of the word. Nonrefundably spent every second of every persons waking moment. Do or do not however find out you will. The space between thought and action coupled with every micro aggression and unconscious gesture. All registering in anyone’s present perception. 

     How did I get here? Where did it all go wrong? I can’t believe that just happened? Where do I go from here? All are instances with which time is spent. Every short or deep breath at any given moment. To shorten or add lag to the fabric. In peeling back or to draw the curtain’s perspective. Ever moving both fast and slow. At its own pace with its own ebb and flow. We are the stardust of every gust of wind. The splash of every drop of rain that hits Grandmother's living room floor.

     Walking barefoot around Leatherstocking Trail. Valiantly attempting to forget why I was there in the first place. Greeting Grandmother meandering through her foyer. One may do this by simply by rubbing the leaves attached to any plant. Which I did under the canopy in front of the parking lot.

     Now I’m not advocating for marijuana use. However, being the elderly gentleman that I am. Who meanders in the true present moment. Which is observing impermanence behind the dualities. Conveying honesty through one voice(heart, mind, soul). It’s dauntingly difficult to maintain this vantage point. On the other hand, one may find aid. Provided if one is open minded. Still not advocating but if one may choose to use it routinely. Much like one uses medication or rather supplements. Yes, like supplement and vitamin usage. As I have for the past 42 years. From my personal path's perspective. It’s essentially repellent for thoughts and feelings. Giving you protection up to 4 or 5 hours. Though one must be mindful of one’s consciousness’ response. You must find the right brand of repellent for yourself.

     After an hour or so of thoughtless meandering. The reason for my appearance at Leatherstocking Trail arrived. Pulling up in a fully loaded dually. The light of my long life. Whose now approaching the back nine of his own course. For being the pater familias. I’m only 21 years his senior. Junior hopped down from the lift. Dusting, straightening himself off and out. I smiled at his style based on my own. Though now a man leaving middle age. Since the inception of the concept. An influence is an influence. 

     As he approached my heart sank. Observing the pain he carried on his face. Though a grown man I still see the eager little boy. The quiet observer of surroundings full of wonderment. Placing my right hand on his right shoulder. I proposed a question.

“Where are you?”

Bewilderment “In Leatherstocking Trail with you, my father.”

“Breathe tatale(young papa)[Yiddish term of endearment] your mind, where’s your mind?”

     His saddened eyes now deadlocked on my own. I knew where he was. Simply wanted to hear him say it.

“I’m falling oldman, can’t find a way out of this hell. Gloria don’t wanna work it out. She’s already split waiting on the paperwork. Dori’s in his own world with Sarah. I’m stuck on the other side of the city. In an empty fuckin’ house. Reliving it being over fighting the urge to stay fucked up. So I can numb it enough to live my daily life.”

     As life flows and crashes like waves. Along all rivers and streams there will always be a muddy bank. My dear son was stuck in his. We hugged and turned to the woods. Since he was a boy we’d walk on and off the trails at Leatherstocking. Instead of searching for self-sustaining ecosystems. I aided him in finding the truth to discern his next move.

“Though you may not want to hear it, mio bambino(my baby boy). This too shall pass. Maybe spend some time, yeah?”

“I think I’m broke, pop.”

“Hm, 57 isn’t a bad age to check out. Don’t believe you’ll go before me though. However, who knows what tomorrow will bring. All I know is we have today and right now. Which is why we’re at the park. Just offering a hand to getcha outta the mud, kiddo.”

“Well swing it over oldman. Ready when you are.”

     Junior chuckled as I led the way into the closest trail from where we both parked.

“Believe Robert Hunter wrote it best. You who choose to lead must follow. But if you fall you fall alone. If you stand then who’s to guide you? If I knew the way I would take you home.”

     As we entered Grandmother’s living room. With our arms around one another. We harmonized Ripple’s refrain.

“There’s my boy, thanks for showing up kiddo.”

     He responded as he wiped the tears from his face.

“I love you pop. I’m getting your wisdom as often as I can. You won’t be around forever.”

     Again I deferred to Robert Hunter.

“Then God way up in heaven, for whatever it was worth. Thought he’d have a big ol’ party, thought he’d call it Planet Earth. Don’t be worried about tomorrow, lord, you’ll know it when it comes. When the rock and roll music meets the rising planet sun, uh-huh.”

     I kissed his forehead as we meandered the beaten path. Junior pointed out a break in the canopy. One of the many he and I would cut out on. Him, a child looking for self-sustaining ecosystems. As I foraged for wild food. Don’t go running much these days. Though when it’s the right season. You can find this oldman at Grandmother’s house. Looking for something to cook with or to snack on.

     Junior turned back to me eagerly, smiling from ear to ear. The grown man sounded like a mio bambino. My heart stood up at his words.

“Pop we used to cut through here. When I was little, I remember, I found one a little ways back. Come on, it might still be there! Let’s go check it out!”

     Now I began to smile ear to ear. Watching my son now a senior citizen himself. Darting into the woods. Found it funny observing the parallel. He was looking for something he stumbled upon some fifty years ago.

“Junior, that self-sustaining ecosystem you’re looking for. You discovered it 51 years ago.”

“So! It could still be around, come on!”

     Felt elated as I trailed behind my son. Just like when he was a little boy. He ran right into wonderment without a second thought. The silent observer Isidor Dan Flurie, jr. The day hit its high peak when I caught up to him. The sun slowly moved into its final act. We stood looking down at a booming city. Tucked in the bosom of Grandmother’s house. An undisturbed fifty one year old self-sustaining ecosystem. God and Grandmother know how old it really is. Chuckling as I again placed an arm around him.

“Hilarious you finding this spot again some fifty years later. Us standing pretty much in the same spot. Standing the same way back then, huh.”

     He leered perplexingly at me. 

“That’s a parable isn’t it?”

“Is it?”

Eye brows pinched “We forget something as we get older, don’t we?”

Wink and nodding “Most do asolamente(absolutely).”

     We then stood quietly. Junior hung his head. Sensing he was ruminating on what he like many others loose. I alleviated his burden. 

“Tatale, just an observation of your current circumstances. Somewhere along your path. You like most got swept up in the day to day. To which it beat ya down like it always does. Gloria went looking for where you went. Ending up finding you in some other schmo.”

Stunned “That’s right but how come it’s never seemed to happen to you?”

     I kissed his forehead again.

“Tatale, I’ve been practicing for a long time. Also hearing that question from you. Leads me  know a particular perspective you’ve yet to wander into.”

“Yeah, what’s that pop?”

“We’re all one consciousness perceiving this from different perspectives, right?”

“Yeah?”

“Well every perspective is conscious and has its own path. They can merge together but mostly everyone is a partial reality on everyone’s path.”

     Standing in the heart of the woods. Hovering over the ecosystem. Pulling the rug out from under my son’s ego. His jaw fell on Grandmother’s carpet.

“It’s safe to say you stopped using thought and feeling repellent. Along with meditation, yeah? Usually that happens in the transition of getting swept up.”

     Shame and embarrassment washed over his face. As he asked for my pen. I handed it to him with a hard time.

“Oh, he asks for now! What happened to those slick hands, tatale? You used to slip it out and in. Leaving me none the wiser.”

Exhaling first hit “Got old pop.”

“What does that make me?”

Exhaling second hit “Uh relic.”

     Laughing hysterically as we walked back to the path. Though I spoke through one voice. I went a little more from the heart. Once we got back on the path. 

“Your mom and I want you to come over for dinner tonight. We also think you should stay in your old room for sometime. Given that Dori’s out and about with Sarah. We don’t want you to think that you can’t come home. Also attempt to be mindful though Gloria’s behavior e cazzo asolamente(is absolutely shit). She’s still the mother of your child. Even though her behavior e cazzo asolamente it's because she is also hurting in someway.”

     As his tears fell like rain. He collapsed on me. Just as he always does when he’s exhausted. 

“Breathe tatale breath come home for a little while. Dori will be around, he’s finding his way. Oh, your Zio José’s(Uncle) coming up this weekend from Guadalajara. So you got support, he’ll be up till next Sabato(Saturday). Leave a note for Gloria. Just to let her know where you’ll be. She may or may not come back around. Remember there’s familiarity in history but if she doesn't that’s fine too. Then a new chapter will be written in the book of Junior. And it's an awesome story you got so far kid.”

     He finally calmed down enough to get back to our vehicles. During another round of thought and feeling repellent. I finished cleaning my son off. From his stint in the mud.

Exhale “Before you ride off to your place to get some stuff. Let’s get ya right mio bambino.”

Exhale “Dope Zio José’s coming up. Shoot pop this is the wisdom I was talking about earlier.”

“You’re gonna think this is very cliché. Most likely roll your eyes and say really oldman? Just bare with me. Sing or say Row Row Row Your Boat real quick.”

Exhale “La minchia(the fuck), oh you’re serious. Uh row row row your boat gently down the stream Exhale merrily merrily merrily merrily life twas but a dream. And?”

Exhale “Its meaning is that consciousness is relative. It’s a damn children's song, think about it out loud. Per favore tatale(please) indulge me.”

“Well the entire song is a quant suggestion.”

“That it is.”

“The body is often referred to as a vessel, so it’s the boat?”

“Very warm.”

“Hm, if the body is the boat. That would make merrily the navigation for life’s journey. And for life to be a dream. Death would have to be the beginning.”

Kissing fingertips and throwing it to the sky and winked “Exactly it! Bingo kid you’ve arrived. Now let’s cut out and get somethin’ to eat.”