A Clouded View

Your eyes fly open as your heart flutters.  The room is so dark you can’t see the phone you are scrambling to pick up.  A harsh light shows you that you slept in.  You whip off the cozy blankets and are greeted by frigid air.  As you walk over to the wall you stub your toe.  Swearing loudly you finally flick on a light.  Those new black-out curtains are a bit too much!  Must have missed setting my alarm.  No time for a run, I’ll barely make it to work on time.  Your stomach plummets as you think of trying to work out after work.  It never seems to happen.

You pull on the first reasonable clothes you see and move to the washroom.  Combing your hair you add a bit of product to keep it somewhat tamed.  You glare in the reflection at the bunch of hair that always goes the wrong way.  One day I will shave you all off if you don’t learn to behave.  If I had time to shower you wouldn’t have a choice but to listen.

Moving along to the kitchen, you feel as though you are pulling yourself through water.  You open up the cupboard and pull out a few granola bars.  Filling up the kettle you glance out the window.  Your chest gets heavier as a few droplets of rain splatter on the glass, joining the water-speckled view.  I always have terrible days when it’s raining.

The click of the kettle calls you back to the task at hand.  Your mind buzzes loudly as you pour water into your travel mug to let the tea steep.  Pulling on a rain jacket, you pick up your work bag, and open the door.  You convince your limbs to move and head out.

I really wanted that run.

I bet it’s going to rain for days.

Work will be miserable.

You perform the awkward quick walk that isn’t quite a run to the train station and board your train.  The ride to work is uneventful other than your wet jacket dampening the top of your pants as you shift around.  The walk to the office from the train is a bit longer.  You grumble as your foot feels the expanding cold of the puddle water.  You grit your teeth and clench your bag tighter.  Finally reaching the office, you enter the foyer area.  Sprawled on the elevator doors is a sign reading out of order.  

Go figure!  Bet the rain finds a way to follow me inside .

Your frustration is billowing as you open the door to the stairs.  As you slowly climb the 10 flights to your office the cloud over your head swells to a dark grey mess.  Static charge tingles along your arms and your breathing comes in gasps, only partially due to the physical work.

Reaching the foyer on the tenth level, the storm over your head is moments from exploding to a thunderous disaster.  If only I had my run this morning, and my shower, I might have been able to enjoy the day.  Reaching into your pocket, your hand comes out empty.  Your mind zooms back to your house, where you last saw your floor access card on your bedside table.  Those damn curtains made it too dark when I got up!  I missed my card!  I knew I should have put it in my bag when I found it in my pocket last night.

You pace back and forth with heavy footfalls, waiting for someone else to come let you in.  If you were a cartoon, smoke would be flying out of your ears.  Why is this day out to get me?

A clink of a door opening announced a new arrival.  You spin around with your heart in your throat to see who gets to witness your stupidity.  Oh, please no.  Anyone else.  Your cheeks instantly flush red as she turns to face you, her features making you wobble.  Jay suddenly stops as she meets your eyes and smiles.  “Hi there!  Did you forget your card?”

The butterflies in your stomach feel as though they are trying to eat their way out.  “Yes, it’s been a long day.”

“It’s only morning, silly,” she replied, still grinning.  “Still lots of time for better things.”

You look down at your hands.  “It’s raining out.  I’m sure the rest of the day will match the morning.”

Jay had walked to the card scanner, but instead of scanning her card, she turned and looked at you.  You bring your eyes up to hers, daring her to contradict your assessment.  She studies your face and tilts her head to the side, her black hair swaying.  

“The lens we use all day needs a lot of maintenance to keep clean.  You should consider spending some time cleaning yours,” Jay said.

“What?”

“Your lenses, you should consider taking some time to maintain them.”

“I don’t wear glasses,” you reply.

“The lenses you use to see the world with, silly!  If we let that maintenance slip, slowly but surely we wake up one day, surrounded by rain clouds and can’t see the sun that’s right there.”

Jay smiles brightly at your confused expressions, scans her card, and opens the door for you.  

**************

Your eyes fly open as your heart flutters.  Your eyes look around the room but no shapes can be distinguished.  You feel around for your phone.  The harsh light shows you that you indeed slept in.  Wow!  I haven’t slept like that in years!  Better hurry up though.  You stub your toe as you find the light switch.  Swearing loudly, the lights blare in the room.  I should maybe invest in one of those light alarm clocks… Shoot! I missed my morning run!  

You move over to the closet, pull on something reasonable, and proceed to the washroom.  Combing your hair, one section refuses to cooperate.  You narrow your eyes at it as you try adding some product.  Quietly you tease, “I will conquer you tomorrow with a shower, silly stubborn side.  At least I don’t have any major meetings today - you picked an acceptable day to be difficult.”

Moving to the kitchen you begin making your tea and notice it is raining.  Nice!  The one day I slept in, I couldn’t have run anyways.  Won’t be fun getting to work though.  You grab your tea, some granola bars, your work bag, and head out the door.  Trying to move quickly through the rain, you reach the train.  Your mind goes over your work schedule and plans for the day.  I’ll need to try and find a way to work out later.  Don’t need much but should do something.  It’s so hard getting motivated after work. 

Getting to the office building requires more rain running.  Your foot feels a sudden expansion of cold and wet.  Should maybe have gone a bit slower to avoid that puddle.  Reaching the building you are relieved to be out of the rain.  Seeing the out of order sign on the elevator, your heart sinks.  As you start to climb the stairs, your breath starts coming in shorter bursts as your heart thumps faster with the work.  Hey, this could be my short work out!  Then I can be free to relax this evening!  You pick up the pace and try to bring your knees up high to get a little bit more out of your climb.  

Once you reach your floor, you enter the foyer area, breathing heavily but smiling.  Reaching into your pocket, your spirits fall as you realize you forgot your card at home.  Those curtains really did make it dark!  A light by the bed should help.  You pace back and forth as you wait, helping your heart rate slow down from your climb.  

A clink of a door opening announced a new arrival.  You turn around to see her step onto the floor.  Her flushed face from the climb sends butterflies fluttering in your stomach.  You’ve been wanting to talk to her for weeks but haven’t known quite what to say.  Your breath seems to still as your eyes dance around, trying to decide where to land.

Jay stops when she sees you, “Hi there!  Forgot your card?”

You look down at your hands, “Ya.  Tried out some new dark curtains and apparently they hide more than the light from outside.”

“At least there are lots of us to let you in.  Would suck to need to go all the way back home.”

“Very true!  Will need to figure out lunch though.  I had planned to grab something from the mall but I won’t be able to get back in.”

“I was going to get some lunch too.  Why don’t we go together, then I can let you back in.”

You can’t quite believe your luck.  You smile brightly and say, “That would be wonderful.”

As you walk into your office, a slice of sun sneaks past the rain clouds, illuminating your office.  You sit in your chair and pull out your notebook.  Time for your morning journaling, still focusing on gratefulness this week.  After your writing, you open the personal development article for the day.  With the sun on your face, you read the title.  Your interest tingles and you continue reading hungrily.

Is it more work maintaining your worldly lens or living your life with a clouded view?