Fiction Funny



"Silas this is quickly getting out of control. Something has to be done now!"

"Kodoq I am aware of how crucial the situation is. I've summoned all of the Counsel Lords from the High Jodium to the outer banks of Kanurd for an emergency conference today in the Kalispera."

'What is the updated report Ryfaria?"

'2 1/2' inches of mixed men since 4 a.m. this morning sir. Gingers, receding hairlines to complete balds, talls, shorts, surfers and a handful of bodybuilders are falling steadily in Qualeel Camp.

Cyclist and stockbrokers continue to pour down in Jodium.

Bullies, narcissists, whiners, players are all falling vertically at 9 meters per second right here in Ekka Court.

Slobs, scrubs, and couch potatoes have eased up in Haykak....but continue at a light sprinkle."

"Macchi!! How can this be stopped?"

"I don't know yet Kodoq; but we will find a solution."

"You better do something and do it quick.

Multiple cities are in chaos and confusion. There is a very real threat to the Galaverse Silas."

" The falling men are disoriented, grouchy, and hungry. The woman are tired and complaining. They refuse to cook or do anymore laundry."

"The housing units are overflowing, there is constant fighting and disorder. Properties are being destroyed. The falling men are getting various injuries."

"They along with the simple citizens of State Hircismus are lined up outside of the magistrate filing paperwork to sue. The injured are filling up the local clinics and hospitals. People are afraid to step outside for fear of being landed on by a random man."

"I think we have to start at the beginning; at the core of this mess."

"Indeed. I told you not to get involved with that virago. But you refused to listen. You just had to..."

"Enough Kodoq. Guards escort Makatza to the great room."

"My, my, my; to what do I owe the honor of being in the company of the Great Seigneur Silas?"

"Makatza playtime is over. Stop this divergent weather pattern you've created at once!"

"Oh Silas why would I do such a thing?

If my memory serves me well; wasn't it you who said, 'This is a man's world; women are just the paid help, stress relievers and child bearers.' Men are far more advanced than women, more intelligent, more capable at handling life. So start handling."

"You're still bitter about being denied first regent seat. Let it go Makatza." 

"I was and still am the best qualified in the role of regent to the people of Galversia. My gender has nothing to do with my more than capable abilities."

"Makatza you are creating a problem of epic proportions."

Who? Little ole me? Lol you make me laugh; again wasn't it you that said, 'I'd have a thousand men over one woman.'

I only made good on your very words Silas, and now bring you the men you prefer."

"Now if you will excuse me; I feel bored and tired. All this talking has made me sleepy. I think I will take a nap after I get back to my cell."

"Sir, sir, there is a report of flooding in Baynum Cross. Skaters, mama's boys, professors, gamers, athletes and baby daddy's are spilling over into the center court."

"Macchi! Makatza I demand you stop this nonsense this instance!"

Yawning loudly, Makatza replies, "I may be convinced to dry up Galversias's 'man problem'; if I am able to serve as co-regent. If not then," her voice fades as she shrugs her shoulders.


"In you go Chi. You have to go back for your well check. Stop giving me those eyes boy. This trip is a quick zip, zip, and you're finished; then we can go to kittyville ok?"

Sitting in Dr Grewer's waiting room flipping through a Sports Illustrated magazine; I look up because I feel someone staring in my direction. A guy with sandy blonde curls wearing a Hawaiian shirt, cargo shorts, and a pair of Addidas flip flops leans over and says; while holding his knee.

"Hey sorry to bother you, but do you happen to have a band-aid cause, I scraped my knee falling for you."

I roll my eyes and give him a small, polite, smile. I adjust my bangs with my left hand that has my beautiful wedding ring on it, and cross my legs turning away from him.

"Ding ding ding. Miranda and Chi. Dr Grewer will see you now." 'Yes saved by the bell.'

After letting Chi enjoy Kittyville, I drove over to Harris Teeter. I needed some avocados and lemon for guacamole that I want to make to go with dinner.

Of course I'm only supposed to be getting two things, lemons and avocados right?; but end up with fifteen items by the time I reach the check out.

Ryan B. bags my things and offers to carry them to my car.

"Sure thanks."

As we are approaching my SUV, Ryan clears his throat and says, "Can I ask you something?"

" Ok," I reply.

"Are you a parking ticket cause you have 'fine' written all over you?"

I raise my eyebrows and close my lips over my teeth.

"Uhhh thank you Ryan. My husband thinks so too."

I make a couple more stops and then head home. Only to have to backtrack to the gas station. I need to fill-up. I have a regional meeting for my job and it's all the way in Newting an hour and twenty minutes away.

I pull up to pump #2. A gas attendant asks me regular or premium unleaded.

" Premium please."

"How much?"

"I need to fill up please."

"Sure thing. OK you're good to go."

I hand him my card.

"Here you go ma'am," he says returning my card. "I just wanted to thank you for the gift."

"Errr, uhhmm, gift, what gift?"

This smile. I’ve been wearing it every since you gave it to me. And then he winks."

Yeaaah...no.... I let my window up and pull off.

Ahh finally home. Sitting out back on my patio; sipping Peach tea. Chi chilling in his favorite spot in the sun. Light breeze blowing on an absolutely gorgeous day.

My doorbell chimes.

"Yes who is it?"




"I have a package for Miranda Corvin."

"That's me."

"If you could just sign here please."

"Alright thanks." "Thank you too."



"Could you help me out? There is something wrong with my cell phone."

"Oh sorry I'm not techy at all. What seems to be the problem?"

"It doesn't have your number in it."

Goodbye Mr. UPS man.

What is going on today?! Everywhere I go somebody's son is flirting or trying to pick me up.

Maybe it's the new job, new hair cut, new wardrobe, new husband, new attitude! I don't know. I just know they seem to be coming out of the woodworks today using lame, corny pick up lines, that they must of all read from the same book.

Where were these guys when I was a broke college student, when I dreaded going to parties and add one events, when my family was badgering me about settling down to get married?

Anywho, I'm golden now. Those chumps can kick rocks with flip flops. Happy with my hubby and my Chi kitty. 

September 24, 2021 08:00

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