Sad Romance Coming of Age

This story contains themes or mentions of mental health issues.

Two years ago Cillian broke up with Lily. The impenetrable love they shared was unbelievably scarring. When they fought, they would make it a goal to ensure the other was crying on the bathroom floor afterwards out of love. When they laughed, they would make sure the other was hunched over and gasping for air. When they made love, they made it clear they wanted the other to feel as if they were in the presence of God. Their love was flawed with undesired actions of hate but filled with an overwhelming amount of compassion. 

In the beginning of their relationship, Cillian and Lily didn't cry and fight over the tiny inconveniences. They couldn't stand sitting in abstract silence for more than a second and they never would because they had so much to tell each other. Every night, they would stay up with all the windows open letting in the warm zesty summer wind. They would talk about every aspect in their lives. Lily would talk for hours about her objective for the future of living in a small house surrounded by large trees. It was ironic how much Lily loved nature, since Cillian couldn't keep a cactus alive. 

Cillian didn't talk much but instead listened to Lily babble on about her prophecies. Soon, when each talked all they could hear was the fuzzy noise a broken television makes. The sound of their voices caused an annoyance. All they began to want was absolute silence and isolation from each other.   

Cillian believed Lily didn't love him anymore after they moved in together. Lily would water all the plants in the small apartment every night and every morning because Cillian could never remember. The windows were constantly shut and the zesty warm wind never seeped through to the lovers. Cillian used to wait up for Lily and they would fall asleep together clutching on to each other's waists but now Cillian falls asleep hours before Lily arrives. When she crawls into bed, she faces the wall instead of Cillian. Lily started to believe that Cillian didn't love her anymore.

Lily didn't want Cillian to know she wasn't happy. She didn't like herself. When Lily cried she would place one hand over her mouth because she was disgusted by the sound of her own voice. Cillian would tell her that he did not intend to make her ugly cry but deep down he knew it meant there was still hope for them. He believed the impenetrable spark they had burnt out and they both were left in the dark, trying to navigate a way out. 

Lily soon stopped trying to hide her miserableness. She purposely stopped watering the dozen plants around their apartment. Every morning, she would wake up to the urination smell perpetuating from the old flowers and fallen crispy brown leafs on the kitchen floor. Cillian wasn't sure if he should clean it up or throw the flowers away and once he asked Lily, but she didn't reply. She took a deep breath and climbed into bed again. Lily began to sleep a lot more. It seemed that Cillian didn't need to stay up for her to come home because she was already laying in bed. Lily became the one in the relationship to listen. She stopped talking so much about her array of ambition but Cillian never continued the conversation. The still apartment contained a dry smell and the only sound was the loud wind whistling against the closed windows. 

Lily’s morality became murky. When they would fight it was always one sided, Cillian would pull at every string for a reaction and Lily would just sink into the bed and place a pillow over her head, blocking out the noise. 

Some days were better than others, but the good days always ended bad. Most nights Cillian tried to love Lily but he stopped after one night when he found her ghostly staring at the ceiling. He thought the look on her face was malignant and felt numb afterwards. Lily would try to kiss him or slowly touch her hands down his shirt but he would just repeat to her in a quiet tone, 

“I can't make love to a corpse”. He uttered. 

It became a constant routine of bitter fights in front of the barricaded windows, and soon both their hearts became brittle and yellow. Cillian never could gather up the courage to leave because he loved Lily too much. While Lily could never build up the energy to shower, let alone leave the only man she ever trusted. 

After some time of this abscission, Cillian announced with great sorrow that he wants to leave. He vowed that he loved her and always will but being in her presence makes him want to cry. He told her that he feels his soul is parched and his heart is dying of this consistent drought. 

“I know you are hurting but so am I.” He choked. 

Cillian tried to push through the pain but he broke. Somedays are better than others he always said. Those days were a mirage of an oasis dedicated to love. Soon he would come back to his senses and realize that the mirage of love he imagined faded back into the scorched desert of reality. 

When he left, Lily never tried to stop him. Her unexampled pain was too strong to move let alone stop Cillian once he began to pack. She would just watch him and pick the dead petals off the curled up lilies beside her bed. 

Cillian broke up with Lily two years ago. He still has a hole in his heart but the roots are starting to grow again. Most nights, Cillian sits by his open window and lets the zesty warm summer air hit against his face. He still imagines the mirage of their impenetrable love they once shared. He remembers when they cried, they whaled. And when they laughed their stomachs cramped up and when they made love, their souls locked. 

Cillian never believed in God but after he met Lily, he thought there must be a presence in this world more powerful than him because he felt blessed with Lily. Through their impenetrable journey of love and hate, Cillian soon thought back to his original belief, God is nonexistent. He now feels cursed with Lily. 

When Cillian finally moved away he felt as if he could finally breathe, and the air he was breathing was fresh. Today, Cillian did something he never would have done if it wasn't for Lily. He bought a plant.

He opened the door, walked into his small apartment and glanced out the window and the mirage of Lily appeared in front of him. He looked her in the eyes and spoke gently. 

“Goodbye.” he pleaded with strength. 

Lily’s holographic body slowly faded and Cillian placed a large blue pot down with lushes growing lilies inside. He poured a cup of water on the roots to prevent her from parching. Then he opened the window to let the warm zesty summer breeze push against Lily’s petals. 

“I will always love you.” Cillian promised. 

April 30, 2022 03:42

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20:57 May 05, 2022

This story is really, Really good!


Aqsa Jadalowen
01:58 May 09, 2022



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