Choices and Consequences

“How could you?”

I cringed, not wanting to turn and face my accuser. Oh, I knew who it was. Had heard that voice drip venom at fellow students at the center.

The difference is, I’ve never heard that venom directed at me before.

Something in my heart clenched. This is what I’d been reduced to. “Look, Shirl,” I said quickly to cover my nerves as I turned to face her. The fist crushing my heart pumped the organ a time or two as I caught a look at the deep pools of her brown eyes, gorgeous even as they shimmered with tears. I’d always been a sucker for brown eyes. I shook my head, trying to continue my sentence, but the words alluded me. I was lost in her eyes, ashamed of the pain I’d put in them. But what was done was done. I couldn’t take back the article I’d written anymore than I could make the internet forget her personal business. This was all according to plan.

Determined to follow the path my teacher had laid out for me, determined to stop looking like a pussy in front of my friends, I firmed my resolve and my stance. “It was nothing personal, Shirley. It was just an opportunity I couldn't pass up.”

“Bullshit.” The word was a sentence, complete with judge and jury. I sighed, doing my best to block out my friends egging me on. Hearing ‘you gonna let this bitch talk to you like that?’ didn’t alleviate my guilt any. I was guilty. I had no right to print all the things I’d overheard from her and her sister’s heated argument a week ago like that. The siblings had hashed it out that night, pulling up incidents that happened years ago. Secrets that the Ranko family didn’t need anyone else to know Family business that each had felt safe shouting at each other, knowing that they were alone.

Except they hadn’t been.

Because I’d come down with a wicked headache that evening, I’d been able to soak up all that hot tea. I’d been surprised - the two had talked about businesses like so many blocks to be dashed, like the families behind those businesses were a distant afterthought. I thought my girlfriend was different. I thought that the younger heir to the Ranko fortune could see beyond the bottom line, that she cared about the lives that she held in her delicate, dark hands. I thought she had my back. As a working man. As a partner.

Since I’d alienated my circle of friends by dating a rich socialite, I’d taken my heartache to my academic advisor. A man I’d come to admire and trust. I’d been too hurt to even go home to our shared apartment that night. But Professor Heathcliffe had let me use his couch, allowing me to nurse my broken heart. The way she’d talked… The cold, calculated way she-

It didn’t matter. This viper had revealed her true colors that night. Fortunately, I knew her schedule inside and out and was able to move out without her interference. In truth, this was the first time I’d spoken to her since that night. I couldn’t take her lies, couldn’t stand the idea of her hands on me after the way she’d callously disregarded people like me. The little guy. All I could think about was making her pay. Striking a blow for me and those like me. I’d moved in with my best friend Ronald and was surprised that he defended her after I spilled the real reason I’d hit the brakes on our relationship

“Are you sure about this, dawg? That don’t sound like the girl you been dating all these months. Why don’t you talk to her?”

But I hadn’t wanted to talk to her. And the professor was right in my corner, insisting that I should use my creative writing talents to make her pay. I’d poured my whole heart and soul into that article, choosing the most cutting words, the most devastating language to destroy my lover turned enemy.

Behold my work.

“You have no idea what you’ve done,” she growled, tears still standing in her pretty brown eyes.

“Sure he does,” Kenneth, my road dawg before I’d fallen for her over his adamant protests, laughed nastily. “He’s exposed one of you rich bastard’s dirty laundry! The only regret he has is that he could only do it to you and not any of the other money-grubbing assholes out there.” The guys cheered behind me, but I barely heard it. Everything in me wanted to take her deliciously curvy body in my arms and somehow make this all better for her. But it was too late to look back now.

“I’m not even going to dignify that with a response,” the woman said to my friend without breaking eye contact with me. “You’ve made it no secret that you resent me for my money, Kenneth.” The laughter choked off and a bunch of ‘ooh’s and ‘aw snap’s filled the space. Kenneth turned to her and swung.  

“Shut up, bitch!” She didn’t even flinch as I stopped his fist an inch from her button nose. It was like she still expected me to have her back even though we were on opposite sides of this issue. We were still lost in each other’s eyes.

“Da fuck?” my buddy boomed at me, snatching his hand away from mine. “You defending this bitch now? I thought you’d learned your lesson.”

Still trying to look good to my boys, I dropped my hand and broke eye contact. “You want to get sued? Her rich-guy lawyers will take you to the cleaners. Besides, she’s only using words right now. You should do the same.” The guys approved of that reasoning. Kenneth sneered at her, rubbing his knuckles but nodding in approval.

“Good looking out, cuz,” he said at length. “Don’t need this greedy bitch taking any more of our hard-earned money away, do we, boys?” A roar of approval went up, and once again I was in with my friends. Friends that Shirley had accepted right off the bat. Friends that I suddenly wasn’t even sure I liked, let alone trusted.

The woman stood tall, refusing to be distracted or deterred by the harsh words being tossed around. “There will be a lawsuit. My lawyers will see to it. I can’t believe you would-” she cut off her words abruptly. The look in her eyes said clearer than words when she gave up on us. Gave up on everything. “Live well Keith Pringle. I hope you can live with the choice you’ve made today.” She turned without another word and marched away from me and my entourage. I was struck silent by her dignity as my friends mocked and taunted her.  

She never looked back.

… …

I stood in shock in the middle of the wreckage my article two months ago was supposed to prevent. The community center was really gone. The place where so many had learned and grown, myself included. My eyes filled, but I refused to let myself be weak. So this was Shirley’s ultimate revenge? Her way of getting back at me for embarrassing her and her precious family name? The article had been hushed up and I’d been sued for defamation of character. Small price to pay.

Movement out of the corner of my eye caught my attention. A limo was pulling up beside me. My blood boiling, I threw a rock at that perfect glossy polish. My aim was off, and I only hit a tire. The driver glared at me before moving to the back door.

Shirley’s sister emerged from the vehicle followed by… Professor Heathcliffe?

“Wha?” My brain couldn’t process the image. I gaped openly as the two approached. The hatred in Albi’s dark eyes sparked my own. “You come here to gloat in that whore’s place? Is she satisfied now that-” The slap came out of nowhere, the glob of spit on my cheek not so much. I swiped at the spittle, disgusted.

“Don’t you dare speak ill of my sister, you worthless peasant!” I looked up and was surprised to see tears running down her face as her chest heaved with sobs.

“What do you expect me to do? Bow down and worship at that vindictive bitch’s feet after she tore down my alma mater?” That wasn’t the right word for the place, but I didn’t care. Nothing mattered at the moment. “She didn’t even have the nerve to show her face to-” This time I was cut off by a gut punch courtesy of the professor.  

“You always were dim. I tore down the community center! How could Shirley do it? She was already dead!” That stopped any attempt at retaliation. I dropped to my knees, staring at the woman in shock. “That’s right, you low-born bastard! I never saw what she saw in you, but it turns out that my sister truly loved you. She marched herself right to that empty apartment you left her with immediately after she confronted you, locked herself in the bathroom, filled a tub with water, and slit her goddamn wrists. She even left suicide notes. She lost everything that day. Including her life.”

“But… she… Shirley would never…” The words wouldn’t force themselves past my lips. I couldn’t think. Dead? It wasn’t possible.

“She lost everything that day thanks to you, to us.” I stared at her mutely. “I wanted this land. Shirley was the only thing standing in my way. So I hatched a plan. A plan to cut her off from her lower class friends and stop her obsession with the dregs of humanity.” She sobbed and dropped to her knees, leaning against the professor for strength. “It wasn’t an accident that you had to stay home from class that day. I had a bartender at that rat-trap pub you and your so-called friends hung out in give you a little cocktail to keep you from classes that night. And I made sure to push every single one of my sweet baby sister’s buttons so that she’d air our dirty laundry. You didn’t hear the other half of the conversation we had when I forced her to go with me to the restaurant. She spouted all the sentimental mush and arguments that I’m sure you would have loved. But the damage had already been done.”

“I had the professor lead you to write that article,” she confessed in a dull voice. “I wanted her to come home! I just wanted her to stop sinking money into this old place and let nature take its course,” she told the professor desperately between heaving sobs. “She loved this place so much. I never realized how much…”

“Everyone turned on her thanks to your article. She lost her friends, the life she was building… But the final blow to her sanity was losing you. Her final letter talked all about you and how you meant the world to her. ‘My life simply isn’t worth living without him in it’,” she quoted the letter she’d apparently read to tatters in the past two months. “You want to know her last request? That I would not sue the cleaners if they weren’t able to get her blood out of the tub. That’s why she did it in a tub full of water, so that she wouldn't stain the carpets.” The woman broke down bawling. I was frozen, and Ronald’s words came back to me from that devastating week where I was deciding what to do with what I’d heard that night. Why hadn’t I talked to her? Why hadn’t I swallowed my pride and held her when I’d had the chance?

“I’ve hated you so much since then.”

“How… H-how did I not know?” I finally managed to croak around the lump in my throat.

“We were covering up everything else, why not her suicide? And I’m not ashamed to say that it was with vindictive glee that I kept it from you. I didn’t want you to have any parts in her funeral, her memorial. She was the most beautiful soul to ever walk the earth and you destroyed her. You! You who were supposed to love her above everyone else! I saw the purchase from the jeweler and the return the day after the article was printed. Were your friends happy for you? Did they say you dodged a bullet?”

“I hate you. And I took great pleasure in destroying your life. In suing you for everything you had before destroying your precious community center!” Her yelling reverberated off the empty air. Every word battering my already weakened defenses. Shirley couldn’t be dead. She couldn't be. But here was evidence in the broken woman kneeling beside me in the dirt. This powerful titan and now sole heir of the Ranko estate. She ruled the world but couldn't save her sister. I could feel a terrible pressure on my lungs. The majority of my entourage had abandoned me once the law had come down on me. Ronald was the only one that had stuck it out with me. And he’d been urging me to beg Shirley to take me back for weeks. I’d been that miserable. Now what?

“I could never hate you as much as I hate myself though,” she finally admitted quietly. “My sister was something special, something precious. I never appreciated her. And no amount of punishment against you can bring her back or assuage my guilt for her death. I know that now.” She looked up at me, eyes bloodshed but still so like the women I loved. And I did love her. I’d never stopped loving her, probably never would.

“Can I… Can I read the note?” I asked in a small voice.

“Would it give you closure?”

“Yes.”

“Then no.” I blinked at her, still trying to piece together how I felt about everything. “I don’t want you to make peace with her death. I want you to suffer. I want you to wonder for the rest of your miserable life what her final words to you were as her life was ending. That’s my final revenge against you.” She climbed to her feet and walked unsteadily to her limo, Professor Heathcliffe a silent, tired shadow at her side. I watched them get in, completely numb.

“Live well Keith Pringle. I hope you can live with the choice you’ve made today.”

I lowered my head to the ground and wept.

… …

Five years later

I walked into my apartment, or at least what would serve as my apartment for the duration of this investigation. I’d managed to get my private investigator’s license and spent my life hunting down corporate bad guys at the U.S government’s behest. I was never in one place for more than a month at a time, which suited me fine. The better to outpace my demons.

The letter waiting for me on the table therefore surprised me. No one but my handler was supposed to know where I was. I quickly whipped out my phone to call before stepping into the place.

“What’s up with the letter? You’ve always been a texting type of guy,” I said in what passed for a joking tone now that the light was gone from my life.

“Sorry, man. Some rich bitch tracked me down last week. Insisted that I give it to you without opening it. Said that you would understand and that you wouldn’t want me to open it. Something about closure and her therapist, I stopped paying attention. But she looked so broken I decided to hand them over while I was setting your place the other day.” My hands shook as I approached the table. I’d dropped the phone; I could hear Michael calling for me but I could only walk stiffly toward the desk as if pulled by an invisible cord. Everything in me hurt, as fresh and raw as it was the day I learned of her death. I accidentally tore the envelope in my haste to open it. A note and another letter fell out. I recognized my love’s delicate script on the latter, but forced myself to read her sister’s note first.

My therapist said I should forgive you and myself. Forgive us and move on with my life. That means either burning that letter so you never see it, or finally giving it to its rightful owner. I never read it.

-Albi

My eyes filled with tears as they always did when I thought of my lovely Shirley. My hands were still shaking as I opened it. Her neat, practical script, smudged by tears, assaulted me. The words blurred with my own tears, but I wiped my eyes, careful not to smudge her words to me:

I love you, Keith Pringle.

Even if we’ve never said it to each other. Even if we’ve never defined what we have

Since I won’t be there when you finally realize that you love me, your task is to find someone who loves you as much as I do.

Tough task, I know.

I’m going where you can’t hurt me anymore. Live well, my love.

A sob escaped my lips. She knew she was going to die, and she thought of my future happiness. God, what a beautiful soul!

“Keith! Keith? Where are you, buddy?” I went and grabbed the phone from the floor.

“I’m here,” I rasped, working hard to suppress the sobs locked in my chest.

“You okay, buddy? I’ve never heard you cry.” I thought about all that had happened. Thought about her final words to me. I should have gone to her! I should have-

“I’ll be fine,” I whispered, the words grating against my throat.