Should I Stay or Should I Go

Should I stay of should I go. That is the dilemma I have been pondering for the past several days.

After growing up in a military family, yes I am or was a military brat, I determined that when I left home I would find a place to settle and would stay.

I had hated that we had moved so much while I was growing up. It kept me afraid of making friends as I knew that as soon as I became tight with someone dad would be transferred and we would be moving again. That was not a big problem during grade school but when I reached junior high, or middle school as they call it these days, it got to be most frustrating.

Seventh grade found me meeting the first person I was able to call my best friend. Aiden was in the same situation as me but a officer's brat to my enlisted family. We had so much in common we could have been brothers. We hung out together in school, after school as well as on weekends.

However it did not last the whold year. It was not my family moving this time. Aiden's dad was transferred to another base. I was crushed and in my mind determined never to have a friend that close again.

As high school days rolled around it was hard to be a loner and enjoy school. Most of the school events and activities, other than the sporting events, seemed to be geared towards couples.

As prom time approached I found myself wanting to go but afraid at the same time. Could I go by myself and still have fun?

That question was soon answered when the dance was advertised as a sadie hawkin's dance, The girls would ask the boys. Why I breathed a sigh of relief I do not know. Having kept to myself who would ask me. Was there even a girl who knew I existed? That kept me worried as I did not want to be seen as a total loser.

To my surprise, four days before the dance, I was approached during lunch period by a girl I did not remember ever even seeing before. First she asked if anyone had asked me yet. Didn't really want to tell her that nobody had so I just acted like I was thinking. Not a good actor because she assured me that it was okay that she had never been asked to any dances either.

"So you want to go?"

"Sure."

That dance was the only bright spot in high school until senior year. Even though we were again in a new location I went overboard with activities. There was tennis in the fall, basketball over the winter, baseball in the spring, book club, photo club and I helped with the senior yearbook.

If that was'nt enough to keep me busy I took on a part-time job at our local movie theater. This was a great move as after graduation they moved me to full time. It was a lot of fun plus free movies.

The manager seemed to like me so he taught me everything about running the theater. He really wanted me to learn the antiquated projection system, splicing the movie together and ordering items for the concession area. He needed a vacation and needed someone competant to be in charge.

In the meantime, I had kind of been taken with one of the box office cashiers. Tracy was a year older than me but the first time I saw her my thoughts were 'she could be the one.'

And indeed she was. We dated for a year, got married, found a small rent-to-own house in the country and within a year had a child.

Sammy was the most awesome kid anybody could have. He loved his mama but he also loved rough-housing with me.

Our fellow employees at the theater loved him as well. It was especially fun having him there after he started walking and chatting away like there was no tomorrow.

At this poing our lives seemed ideal. A great job, great family, home in the country, friendly neighbors and great friends. When Sammy, suddenly it weemed, was old enough to start school everything seemed perfect. I felt like I had successfully escaped the military family lifestyle. We had roots in the community. We had friends and Sammy had friends.

I was officially the assistant manager at this point. It was like we had two families. There was Tracy's family and there was our theater family. My family, needless to say, had moved on to another assignment. They did visit from time to time.

There is something to be said for having a set foutine. Until, that is, when something threatens to interrupt that routine.

Over the years we had survived several small interruptions. But facing something major had never crossed our minds.

First was when my mother passed away. We had to take a couple weeks off for the funeral, find an assisted living place for my dad, clean out and sell their house.

Then when Tracy's mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and opted for surgery rather than all the treatments and medicines. Tracy spent a couple of weeks with her following the surgery just to be sure she would be okay. Me and Sammy were bachelors for those two weeks. Fun but after a couple of days we both missed Tracy, especially her cooking.

Then came the day I was faced with the dilemma should I stay of should I go. If I was still single it might have been simple. But I had Tracy and Sammy to consider.

The manager had quit at another theater. It had the same ancient equipment. I had already trained someone to operate and maintain our old projector so I was offered the vacant management position. It would mean breaking our comphy routine. It would mean uprooting Sammy from school and friends. It would mean starting a new chapter in our life book. A healthy raise, moving to a strange place, almost like starting over.

So, dear reader, should I stay of should I go.