Fatal obsession

*mental health, sexual and physical violence implied. swearing*

Kate

Coming back from a run I felt great, endorphins were flowing, and I had the usual satisfying ache over my limbs. I poured my coffee with pride and sat at my table in the kitchen, wondering what to do with the rest of my day. I had already showered, cleaned my flat and worked through my laundry. Having time off work was nice at first, but now a month in, I was bored. My psychiatrist told me I wasn’t ready to go back despite the fact I have more good days than bad now.

Long story short, I had a ‘mental break’ at work one day when a patient tested my very last nerve. I had been in hospital for a while before that, but whenever I try to remember why, my head hurts and a cloud comes into my mind with a feeling of impending doom. I shivered and ignored this as I did most of my problems in life, with the help of a couple glasses of wine usually. Personally, I just thought it was burn out, that day that I snapped. Between my regular running, 9 to 5 and exciting social life since being bed bound, I just needed some time off. But my manager insisted I see someone and friends said I was in self-sabotage mode, so I have been seeing Dr Samson twice a week since. Not sure how helpful it is at doing anything other than burning a hole in my pocket. I was due to see him again tomorrow morning.

I spent my evening binge watching Sex and the City for a fifth time with a couple glasses of wine until I dozed off on the sofa.

Sarah

I woke up begrudgingly at 8am to get ready for my appointment. I was not a morning person in the slightest. I walked to the wardrobe and couldn’t find any clothes in the pile of crap Kate likes to wear. Everything was perky and light, not a single item of black. I grabbed the plainest outfit I could find and shoved my hair up before skulking outside to my car, sticking three pieces of gum in my mouth. Beth says it’s a disgusting habit and that I chew too loudly. Fucking hate Beth, judgy bitch. I made a point to chew extra loudly.

I pulled into the car park and opened the door to spit out my gum and lit a cigarette. A voice in my heads groaned, a kind of ‘this again’ sound. It brought me a little joy, I liked pissing Beth off. After debating whether to leave, I eventually made my way inside.

When I walked over to reception, a sad looking women sat opposite me, looking more bored than a toddler at church.  

“Your name?” She said without even looking up.

“Sarah.” She clacked away on the keyboard.

“I can’t see an appointment here for a Sarah.” I rolled my eyes, couldn’t be arsed to be here anyway. As I went to sneak out, I saw Dr Samson by his door. “Come on through Sarah.”

“Dammit.” I said under my breath and walked in, kicking my shoes off and lying down on the couch, resting my eyes briefly, too annoyed to be here.

Dr Samson

“Sarah?” No answer. I knew it was her by the makeup and outfit. I liked her confidence and give no fucks attitude. I took a moment to admire her beauty, her long blonde hair tied up, highlighting her perfect features, butterflies rose in my chest.

She eventually opened her eyes. “Sarah?” I asked again.

“It’s Cassie,” she groaned sitting up.

“I see, well can you get one of the others to step forward?”

“Why?” She crossed her arms.

“Because you’re only fourteen. Is Kate there, or Beth?” She shrieked in response, an ear splitting sound of annoyance, and thrashed against the sofa until her eyes closed. I feel exasperated already.

When she sat up again, she crossed one leg over the other and placed her hands gently on her knees.

“Beth, how are you?”

“I’m doing well, thank you.”

“How’s your week been?” I said professionally, wishing it would’ve been Kate who came through. I was met with silence.

“How’s Kate?”

“She’s fine.” Beth was always guarded, she was the ‘protector’ and was always convinced someone was going to deceive them, hurt them or stab them in the back. She trusted no one.

“Have you been taking your medication?”

“Religiously, I have to make sure Sarah stays in for that though.” I could hear the distaste. Sarah manifested shortly after Kate’s time off started. She missed going out and having some freedom, but Kate cares too much about what people think. Sarah doesn’t.

Beth stared back, judging as she normally does. She especially didn’t trust me, so sessions with her are always unproductive.

“Can I speak with Kate please.” I asked calmly. She stared back with icy eyes, making Kate’s ocean blue eyes look almost black. She was sitting with her back was so straight it looked like she was attached to a metal rod.

“She’s resting.” She said, never breaking from her calm composure. She was a control freak and brought out the worst in me. I took a breath to control my irritation.

“Beth, its Kate that needs these sessions.”

“I think you’re a little obsessed with Kate, don’t you? We all see it, except for Kate of course.” I took off my glasses and rubbed my forehead, anger starting to surface.

“You’re all paranoid, you know its part of the condition.” I said. She rolled her eyes.

“Let me speak to him.” She whispered to herself. “No, I don’t trust him.”

“I can look after myself.” She said through gritted teeth. “If you could do that, we wouldn’t be here.” Beth sighed.

A few moments of silence went by and she closed her eyes. When they opened again, she smiled and tucked her feet cross- legged underneath her. There's my Kate.

“How are you Kate?” I smiled.

“Great, a bit bored though, tell me I can go back to work pleeease?” She batted her eyelashes a few times. I shifted in my seat.

“No sweetheart, not yet. You still aren’t able to talk about the incident.”

“I told you, I snapped like a normal person.” She shrugged. “You would’ve done the same, she was awful. I was just doing my job. Don’t shoot the messenger and all that.” She started biting her nails.

“That’s not the incident I’m talking about Kate.” Her face changed and I could see her retreat. “Stay with me Kate, you are safe, I promise. I will look after you.” Tears welled in her eyes.

“I can’t talk about it, I don’t remember.” Her voice broke.

“Why don’t we do it through hypnosis?” She nodded.

“Close your eyes and try to relax, sinking into the sofa. You feel weightless. When I count you down, you will be transported back to march 15^th.” Her breathing rate increased. “Take a deep breath for me Kate and listen to my voice. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. You’re back.”

She smiled and chuckled a couple times.

“Can you describe to me where you are?”

“I’m with my brother, we’re in a bar, were so drunk.” She giggles. I take notes of everything from body language to speech.

“What happens next?” Her forehead creases.

“I can’t find him. I’m outside.” Her eyes dart beneath the lids, her breathing increases again. I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and hold her hand.

“Then what?” She starts twitching.

“Let her go!” She shouts suddenly. “Get off her! What are you doing?” She cries. Her body jolts again.

“What’s happening Kate?”

“He hurt her! I…I, this can’t be happening.” Silence, followed quickly with screaming.

“He’s hitting me now! He says I’ll betray him by telling the police what he done.” She sobs. “Stop!” She screams, thrashing against the sofa. Her straps fall off her shoulders. I’m distracted. “Help!” She screams. I shake my head, I need to concentrate.

“Kate, when I count down, you will be back in the room. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Your back.” She opens her tear filled eyes. I want to hold her. She rolls over, closes her eyes and starts sobbing.

“You’re ok, your safe. You did great.” I console. She sits up after a few minutes, wipes her tears.

“Do you remember?” I ask. She nods. “I could only remember being in the hospital before and then court. But it was all fuzzy.” She says quietly.

“I’m going to adjust the strength of your medication and give you something to help you sleep tonight ok.” She nods, a sadness in her eyes. My heart lurches. I wish I could take her home and look after her and hold her and… Concentrate, I tell myself.

I do a quick change of the prescription labels, my back to her.

“I want to see you again in two days.” Her mind is miles away. She looks up at me, those heartbreakingly beautiful eyes. I clear my throat.

“Can you do that Kate?” Again she nods.

Beth

Looking in the mirror, I called a group meeting. Something is seriously wrong here. This new prescription feels different, we’re swapping every five minutes, vomiting every thirty. I stood straight, my stomach in knots, keeping my usual poised composure.

“He’s out to get us. He’s obsessed with Kate, I tried to warn you all. I’ve seen him around the house outside and on her runs! These medications are making her worse. She only leaves the house to see him. He’s betraying her trust and his oath as a doctor, abusing his licence and his power. He’s going to hurt her like Jake did. We can’t let this continue.” I held on to the sink, so nauseous.

I poured all the drugs down the sink with a shaky hand, my head pounding from a screaming Kate inside.

“He is going to hurt you Kate!” I shouted at the mirror. You can’t trust him. Haven’t I always had your back? He has been stalking you and drugging you for months.” She stops fighting. I climb into bed, my head fuzzy, my body anxious.

Kate

It’s been two weeks since I stopped taking my meds and my head felt so clear. I felt like myself again; the Kate before her brother beat her so bad she nearly died. I thought I’d never find her again. I haven’t been back to see Dr Samson, I was too scared, what if Beth was right? I missed her a lot and Sarah, I felt so exposed being on my own. The silence in my head was eerie and the loneliness and sense of vulnerability was over powering.

I decided that I would attend the appointment I made today. I wanted to confront him. Why was he making me sick? Was he the reason I created the others in the first place? I never had it before, even after my traumatic experience, only when I started his medications.

I was currently sat in the car park, my leg bouncing up and down, nerves turning my insides to jelly. This was a stupid idea, I must be paranoid, or what if I’m not and I go in there and something happens? A million scenarios ran wild in my mind. But I didn’t want to be a coward or someone that people walk all over, like I always had been my entire life. So I gave myself a pep talk and willed my legs to go inside.

“Your name?” Anna asked when I approached.

“Kate.” My voice was shaky.

“Take a seat, he’ll be with you shortly.”

“Hey, if I’m not out in twenty minutes, come get me.” She looked at me confused.

“I have another appointment to get to and I don’t want to lose track of time.” She nodded.

I chose to stand, trying to fight the urge to run, everything in my gut was telling me to. Why was I here? I should have just called the police. But what I’m wrong? The thoughts were endless.

“Kate.” He smiled at me, like I was his favourite person in the world. My thoughts vanished and my tummy flipped. I followed him in.

“I was worried you wouldn’t come. I nearly sent someone to check on you.” I swallowed, my throat dry.

“How are you feeling?” He asked, a longing in his voice.

“Actually, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” I paced the room, wondering what the hell I was doing here or how to start.

“Those pills you gave me. They made me really sick… and… It made me question if they all made me sick.” I looked at him, trying to collect my words and gauge his response. His expression was that of stone, there was a look in his eyes that instilled the kind of fear that would make you soil yourself.

“Kate. We have spoken about this. You said this a lot in the beginning and then started to feel better. Don’t you remember? You have multiple personality disorder, feeling paranoid or feeling like people are out to get you is part of the condition. If you were unwell, you should have come in and I would have adjusted the prescription. They all have side effects and it’s about trying to find the right dose for you.” His jaw clenched.

“I have done nothing but try to help you. You. Need. Me.” I took a few shaky breaths, he was hiding it well, but there was a rising, terrifying anger shining through, almost feral. I didn’t feel right at all, my instincts were screaming. This seemed like a different person wearing the mask of Dr Samson. Beth was right, I had to get out of here.

I smiled at him, trying to calm him. “You’re right, I’m being silly. Sorry.” I said, trying not to cry.

“I actually have a hairdressers appointment but I will make an appointment with you for first thing tomorrow.” I said, heading for the door, as calmly as I could manage. But before I got there he jumped in front of me and locked the door, towering over me with such lividity I wanted to disappear. I wanted to collapse and throw up, the fear was so intense, I couldn’t even scream.

“Now now, take a seat and lets work through this.” He said, his eyes intense and teeth gritted. I looked at the door again, praying Anna would come in. Adrenalin made me feel dizzy and not in control of my body. There was no fight or flight.

“Please let me go.” I whispered, tears falling down my cheeks.

“You will let me help you and take care of you.” He stroked my face and I shivered, scared out of my mind. He kissed my cheek and I cried harder, pushing him away. This upset him and he threw me on the sofa before quickly running over to the counter, picking something up. I ran for the door but was dragged back by my hair. I went to scream but my mouth was covered with a hard slap, a cloth a hand? I couldn’t tell. I struggled to breathe. I kicked my legs and pushed against him as hard as I could, but he was too strong and blackness started to cave in. I tried to scream for help but the sound was only heard in my mind and then my fighting slowed with a feeling of lead in my body, before there was just blackness.