The "O" in OSLA

I want to be Ophelia.

But apparently, I can’t.

“Oh we’re too famous, we’re a big group, we can’t just split up!”

Ally would say that.

Ally isn’t even her real name.

She’s just pretending

We’re all pretending.

That’s what stars do.

No, not idols.

I don’t like that word.

Idol, an image or representation of a god used as an object of worship.

I don’t like that.

But that’s what I am.

And OSLA is an idol group.

Ophi, Syl, Lia, Ally.

Or if you would prefer our real names,

Ophelia, Sylvia, Livera, Alyssa.

O. S. L. A.

–

I feel like the studio is trying too hard to make OSLA like K-pop idols, even if none of the members are Korean. Next month will be OSLA’s third anniversary. They have been good with releasing one album a year, and then going on tour for a month before returning to headquarters. Which, surprisingly enough, is in Seoul. The company is really into the K-pop thing, I guess. It does bring fame to OSLA, so I won’t complain too much. For our anniversary, they’re planning on releasing some photocards of us, and the most important thing, a solo album for Ophi. I can tell Syl and Lia are a bit jealous, since they were the ones that have trained for the longest time. Ally is the oldest. Ophi is just the sub-vocalist and visual. 

See, they even have positions like K-pop groups.

The most important about Ophi, according to her manager, is the position of the fan favorite.

It’s not a real position.

But it’s just as important.

Which is why Ophi can make particular demands sometimes.

But one demand I can’t make is the most important.

I’m not Ophi.

I don’t want to be called that.

I want to be Ophelia.

But Ophelia is gone. Ophi has taken over.

I don’t really like that.

I don’t really like OSLA in general anymore.

-

“Ophi, you should've said yes to a solo album” Ally was sitting on the couch in my living room, scrolling idly on her phone

“Ophelia is just fine.”

“That’s not what you said three years ago, when you became part of OSLA.”

“Well I’m not sure if I made the right choice then.”

“Ophi! Don’t say that! Cameras are everywhere.” Syl came out of the kitchen, setting down a bowl of salad.

“Plus, our managers already said to never call you Ophelia. It’s bad for marketing or something.” Lia set the four plates and forks next to it.

“Fine.” I use my fork to dig out a quarter of the salad onto my plate.”

“Now let's brainstorm more ways to celebrate our anniversary.”

Maybe for the third anniversary, I’ll give our audience a disbandment notice.

Of course not.

I could never escape Ophi now.

It started when I was ten. I was young and became a trainee just for my looks. My attention-catching green eyes, and my apparently beautiful brown hair. The recruiter said I would be perfect for a visual. I said yes because I wanted to try it out. “Trying it out” became four years of training. Four years of hard work. Four years of waking up at 5 AM and sleeping at 11 PM. On July 5th, my fourth year, they considered me for a four-person group the company wanted to make. In the pre-debut dance video, I was a backup, but the fans still talked about me more than the original four. They were called U-TOP. It was Ally, Lia, and two others. The video didn’t garner much attention for the actual stars, and more for me.

The manager saw the popularity and decided to make a new plan. A new group. Still four members, but a different approach. So, OSLA was made. I was immediately visual and the face of the group, along with sub-vocals. I have no real talent, I’m just good-looking. Ally was the oldest, 16. She was the leader and has trained for four years, like me, but she had natural talent. Syl and Lia came together, they have both trained for five years, starting when they were ten. I was the youngest, joining when I was 14.

The company based us on K-pop. And they used me as a sort of gateway to more possibilities. Eventually, we hit off. Now, after three years, I’m still the fan favorite. But honestly, I’m not sure where I stand now. I was excited to be in a group three years ago, and seven years ago I was happy to try something new and glad I was even good enough to be recruited.

But I’m not the person I was seven or three years ago, am I? 

Maybe if I was in U-TOP, things would change.

It probably wouldn’t.

I hate how fake we have to be.

How people worship us.

I want to be equal.

I want to be more than Ophi.

I want to be Ophelia, the person I was born to be.

Not a pretty girl dancing on stages.

-

July 5th: The Anniversary of OSLA

OSLA, A four-person pop group that dominated the media and its category since its debut. It consists of four members, Ophi, the sub-vocalist, the visual, and the face of the group. Syl, the main dancer and lead vocalist. Lia, OSLA’s main vocalist, and sub-rapper. Lastly, Ally, the main rapper, and leader of the group. Although not entirely Korean, OSLI is heavily based on K-pop, riding its waves of popularity. The media is shocked by the fan-favorite member, Ophi’s, newest tweet.

_Ophi_

@OpheliaOfOSLA • Follow

Hi, fans! Today is OSLA’s anniversary! 🥰 🤭 🤫

But before we get celebrating, I do have some news to share. 

I am taking a hiatus from OSLA.

Now, before we get too disappointed, or too excited 😉, nothing is set in stone yet. I just wanted to make sure you are informed at all times. I wish you all the best.

I hope I can find a way to your hearts even in the background.

With lots of love and tears, I close my tweet,

Ophi of OSLA

512 Comments, 7245 Retweets, 23.4K likes, 923.2K views.

Fans are pondering what led to this as the tweet circles around the media platforms. Ophi herself has not said anything after the post. We are now left in question as we wait for this to unravel.

- 

There, I announced it. The probably last time I will call myself Ophi. I discussed everything with the company already. They wouldn’t let me quit, but a hiatus would be good enough. 

All the members yelled though. They asked why and questions like that. But I’m just burnt out, I guess. Like a candle. Much fame even before OSLA debuted, and fans the whole way through, but then it all burns out early. I just dislike, or even hate, being worshiped like an idol. I’m not an idol, yes I’m a celebrity, a pop star, but not an idol. And the name Ophi, it just feels…wrong. Like it wasn’t what I was meant to be. At first, it was great! I loved the name Ophi! It was like a cute nickname, or my stage name, but as time flew on, it became more and more distant.

Ophi and Ophelia became, sort of, different people. 

Ophi is happy and cheerful all the time, throwing her feelings around, and spamming emojis in almost everything she writes. She makes you want to interact with her, she owns the spotlight every time, even when she was dressed in all black. Ophi can perform onstage and loves it with her whole heart.

Ophelia, though. Ophelia is more introverted, more calculated, and likes to fade in more. She doesn’t mind attention, but she doesn’t seek it either. She values her emotions and holds them close. She likes formality and even though she can hold up a few social events, she burns out easily. 

Ophi and Ophelia were the same person. They were content with everything, except sometimes Ophi wanted more, and Ophelia is forced to follow. Ophi can travel around the world and never need a break, while Ophelia needs many. With time, Ophi and Ophelia started to separate. Ophi was taking control onstage and with OSLA, Ophelia would do everything else. It was a perfect combination. Clear lines to when Ophi can stop, and Ophelia can come out, or vice versa.

Now, after three years, Ophi and Ophelia aren’t even friends anymore. They had some fights. Ophi was trying to control everything about OSLA, but sometimes it got too out of hand and into Ophelia’s territory. Then Ophelia tries to fix it but everything just gets overwhelmed and they don’t know who can best fix the situation. Ophelia has burnt out anyway, but Ophi can’t rationally think. So I decided to just stop. I can’t play two lives at once, and Ophi wasn’t real in the first place. She's just an exaggerated segment of Ophelia anyway.

But I keep wondering if I talk about Ophi and Ophelia in the third person, then who am I? I am Ophi and Ophelia, but they’re so different. Like characters in a book, and I’m the author. I had thought that I wanted to be Ophi, and I wanted to leave Ophelia behind, so I started my journey as a star. But I got here, and now I miss Ophelia. How can I be both?

Is it worth it to be both? 

Should I let go of Ophelia, even if that’s where I truly lie? Am I only considering Ophi because of the amount of time I had put into making her alive?

Am I making logical statements, or do I just not want to move on?

Am I just scared of change?

I have lived as Ophi for so long, that I have forgotten what it’s like to be Ophelia. But can I come back to Ophelia? Ophi will always be there, but if I were Ophelia, what will happen to me? They will still recognize me as Ophi.

But I for sure know one thing.

I really need a break from life. 

I need to put myself first.

And I’m not Ophi.

Not anymore.

Goodbye, Livera, Sylvia, and Alyssa.

Goodbye, OSLA.

Goodbye, the company that tried so hard to make us K-pop idols.

Goodbye, Ophi.

-

_Ophi_

@OpheliaOfOSLA • Follow

Hey guys,

I have been thinking about this for some time now, and I feel like you deserve to know. It’s very important, and I hope you can find your way to understand. 

I have been faced with a hard journey in self-understanding and discovery for the half a year I was on hiatus. Now, I am truly ready to make my decision. Remember that it is my decision alone.

I am leaving OSLA. 

This most likely means that the group will disband, but that is up in the air for now. I would like to be excused from the questions that are sure to come, and I prefer no one make assumptions. I have cherished the time I spent in the group, and I would not change a thing if I got the chance to redo life. It is partially my fault, yes. I did not organize my life as well as it should have been, and I thank you all for being with me on this journey. Perhaps at another time, I will return. 

For now, this is goodbye,

Ophelia

1.3K Comments, 2.4K Retweets, 26.9K likes, 1000.K views.

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The account, @OpheliaOfOSLA, has been deactivated. You can still see their posts but will be unable to like, comment, or message them.

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Account Created! Welcome to Twitter, @JustTheOphelia !