Love Shackle

The view from Pura Hill was unlike any other place in Bangalore. If the weather gods were willing, you could almost touch the clouds from the top. Cool breeze sweet notes, chirping birds returning to their nests, colorful hues of the evening sky, a guy kneeling down on his left knee with a ring in his hand…all wounded up in creating a magazine worthy shot.

Seconds started to feel like an eternity when Samar’s girlfriend, Riya, stood in awkward silence without giving any response. Slowly, the fear of rejection replaced the hopeful smile on Samar’s face. His mind started racing through the apparent mistakes he might have done that led to Riya’s not-so-overjoyed reaction, but he couldn’t find any. He had meticulously planned for this surprise proposal from weeks and had even checked the weather reports for god’s sake!

Samar never expected Riya to cry tears of joy or jump up and down in happiness like the girls in those YouTube proposal videos; it was not her style. But he had expected her to at least say yes with a smile. Considering Riya had sent him a photo of the ring she wanted months before, this proposal was not even a real surprise. But it was all in vain.

“Well, at least Dev, Samar’s best friend, would sleep happily after saying ‘I told you so’ tonight,” Samar thought with a wry smile. After waiting for few more minute for good measure, he closed the ring box, slowly got up and brushed his jeans. He took a moment before he started speaking. “Don’t you want to get married?”

“Chai, chai,” someone yelled nearby snapping Samar out of his trance. For a second, Samar couldn’t understand why there was a chaiwallah with him and Riya; then, he remembered he wasn’t on a hill top anymore but on an overnight train to Goa.

Samar bought a cup of tea and a couple of samosas and watched the lush Western Ghats that were passing by. Even after a year, Samar could remember the bitterness that engulfed him on that terrible day. He didn’t know then, but he knew now that the proposal day changed his life’s trajectory forever.

Samar knew Riya wanted to marry him but he still asked the looming question, “Don’t you want to get married?”

“Of course, I do silly,” Riya answered with a quick laugh. “What made you think I didn’t?”

Samar took a second before replying. “You realize you didn’t say yes when I proposed right? Just few seconds before. You didn’t even smile. What else should I think?”

Riya’s face became small. “It’s so like you to jump to horrible conclusions, Samar. I do want to get married. It’s just…I didn’t know you were going to propose today…”

“Well, it was supposed to be a surprise, Riya,” Samar said a little loudly. “You had said—on multiple occasions—you wanted a surprise proposal.”

“I am sorry, I… I…,” Riya tried to answer between tears.

Samar groaned inwardly; he shouldn’t have raised his voice. He was frustrated that he didn’t match her expectations and forgot to control his tone for just a second. Now he would pay for it. Dearly.

“Come here, sweetie,” he tried to sooth Riya, “I am sorry, ok. I was frustrated that things didn’t go as planned. Sorry…”

“I should be the one who should feel frustrated. Not you.” Riya cried loudly. “You know how much this proposal means to me. I have been dreaming about this for so long, and you went ahead and ruined it…”

“I know, I know,” Samar tried to wipe Riya’s tears.

“No, you don’t know,” Riya pushed Samar’s arms away. “You don’t know anything. Instead of understanding why I didn’t reply, you are shouting at me.”

***

The hike down was pretty uneventful. Samar kept apologizing for messing up Riya’s dream proposal, and she gave him her silent treatment. After reaching parking lot, she climbed on to passenger seat and sat waiting. The drive back to the city was bitter. Samar tried to talk once or twice, but upon getting no response, he too kept his mouth shut.

The weekend traffic on Bangalore outskirts was heavy than usual, and Samar focused all his attention to prevent any further disasters. The lull of the dreary silence was broken when Riya said something.

Samar, who was concentrating on road, didn’t hear it. “Did you say something, sweetie?”

Riya started crying again. “See, I was right. I said you don’t love me anymore and you proved me right. You are not even listening to me.”

Samar felt like screaming. His mind had decided to wander off just the second Riya talked. All he wanted was a perfect day that would make her happy, and he had messed it up as usual. He didn’t want to get into an accident by driving in his state of mind, and he certainly didn’t want to hear Dev say ‘I told you so.’ He wanted to turn the day around at any cost. When he noticed that a café was just 500 meters away, he pulled onto the service road.

After reaching the café, Samar cajoled, pleaded, and begged Riya to give him a chance to rectify his mistake. After making sure Riya was sitting comfortably, he went to the counter to order drinks. Only after picking up the order, he walked back to the table. He smiled when he saw Riya sitting in a huff with her arms crossed. She tended to be dramatic at times, but she looked so cute with her pout and angry face.

“Hot filter coffee for the hot lady.”

Riya glared at him. Nevertheless, the aroma was too strong to ignore. “This doesn’t mean I am not mad at you,” she said while picking up her coffee.

Samar smiled behind his cup. He waited for Riya to finish half of her sandwich and coffee before saying anything. “I know I messed up your dream. I am genuinely sorry for that. But trust me when I say I don’t know where I went wrong. Any mistake I might have done was unintentional. I really wanted to make this perfect for you.”

Riya tried to answer but Samar cut her off, “I know, I should have known all your wants by now. Its not your job to teach me how to make you happy. I tried my best but it didn’t work. Help me out this time; I promise I will be more careful in future.”

Riya weighed her options and replied reluctantly, “What do you want to know?”

“Was it the ring?”

Riya simply shook her head.

“Was it me?” Samar asked with teasing smile.

Riya glared with a small smile.

Samar was relieved. At least he got a smile. “Was it the place?”

“Yeah…”

“I thought it was your favorite place…” Samar asked with confusion.

“It was, and it still is. But…”

He simply raised his eyebrow.

“You will judge me if I answer. That’s why I stood silently. I didn’t know how to say it without spoiling the moment.”

“Well, you don’t have to worry about it anymore...”

Riya glared, but she knew he was right. This wasn’t a situation where ‘try and try again until you succeed’ applied. “I was all sweaty from the hike, and I was in gym clothes! The least you could have done was at least drop some hints beforehand. I would have gotten my nails done beforehand.”

Samar’s head reeled. His proposal flopped because the photos they would take wouldn’t be perfect.

“See, I told you, you would judge me.”

“I am not judging, sweetie. I didn’t think it mattered, that’s all.”

“It might not matter to guys, ok. But these things matter to girls,” Riya answered defensively.

“This is what happens when you listen to others,” Samar thought bitterly. His first choice was an elegant restaurant in the city. When asked her opinion, Dev’s fiancée had said proposals shouldn’t be a public spectacle. That’s why he had chosen the mountain spot they hiked regularly; it was both intimate and held a special meaning.

“What are you thinking?”

“Is The Pearl, ok? That was my other choice.”

“That would be perfect,” Riya clapped her hands excitedly. “I will let you know when to make reservations. Also, make sure to prepare an even more passionate speech. The speech you said was too dry.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Samar said with a mock salute.

***

Since Riya picked a Sunday evening, Samar was nervous of the huge crowd that would witness his proposal. He was sure the results will be different from the “mock proposal,” but it didn’t ease the fear of forgetting lines or not conveying right emotions. But by god’s grace, everything went well. He laughed and cried at right moments and was utterly moved when he saw Riya, who wasn’t overtly emotional, teared up.

Neither the Monday blues nor Dev’s snarky comments disturbed Samar’s euphoria next morning. Even the Bangalore traffic en route

his office failed to dent his happy mood. He thought of calling his parents, but on a whim, took the next U-turn. He wanted to share the good news directly. But his euphoria was short-lived. His parents’ response was lukewarm albeit expected. Much like all Indian parents, they believed they would choose their children’s life partners.

They had reacted the same way when Samar’s elder brother, Ajit, had introduced his girlfriend, Payal, five years ago. But now, Payal had become the daughter his parents never had. So, Samar knew they would come around Riya too. What bothered him was his brother’s reaction. All Ajit replied was, “Are you sure?” Ajit’s question didn’t scare Samar, the doubt on his brother’s voice did. Ajit was the most sagacious person he knew; he wouldn’t judge anyone without reason.

First it was Dev, now his own brother. Were they seeing something he didn’t? Or were they judging hastily because they didn’t know Riya like he did. “That’s it. That’s the reason. After they spend time with her, they will see the real Riya.”

***

6 months later

Samar’s colleagues planned a Goa trip after the completion of a huge project. Even the ever-grumpy project leader replied with an enthusiastic yes. Samar had no choice but to join the trip unless he wanted to be an office outcast. In reality, he badly needed this short break, but he dreaded Riya’s reaction. She had a tendency to assume his need for alone time as not wanting her company. Once, in the early stages of their dating, he made the mistake of going on a bike ride to Ladakh with Dev. He didn’t think it was a big deal until Riya switched off her phone after texting, “I know I can’t enjoy anything without you. But I also know everyone’s love is not similar. So, enjoy your trip with your friend without the hindrance of my constant presence.”

Riya would feel left out if he went on a fun trip without her, so, he lied that he was going Goa for an office conference with his colleagues. He felt guilty for telling half-truth, but he had no other choice. Dev still held grudge on Riya because Samar returned back in just one day out of guilt, and he didn’t want to repeat the same mistake twice.

The trip also would provide a much-needed break; he could finally distance himself from the whirlwind that was happening around him and think clearly. Tagging Riya in the house hunting, wedding planning, and shopping had started to consume his life. Once or twice, he tried to suggest something to make his presence useful, but his suggestions were dismissed by Riya. He consoled himself thinking since he didn’t know anything about fashion or décor, it made sense if she finalized everything—even the groom’s clothes.

Samar tried to include at least Ajit and Payal, but Riya had brushed it off saying, “she couldn’t let her wedding to be as simple and tasteless as theirs.” But it wasn’t. Ajit and Payal’s wedding was one of the most beautiful weddings Samar had ever seen; he should know because he was there in the wedding while Riya wasn’t. But he kept his comments to himself; he knew every girl had her dream wedding and he wanted to give Riya hers. So, he went along everywhere for just moral support. But the doubts were slowly creeping into his head.

***

Sitting alone on beautiful Goa beach, Samar felt ashamed to admit he didn’t know whether his fiancée loved him for who he is or the convenience that came with him. He pulled his hair in frustration.

Every book he read, every couple he met all said the same thing: you should be able to be yourself around your partner; there was no place for self-doubts. However, with Riya, he was always battling to overcome his imperfections and inadequacies she frequently pointed out.

She wasn’t inherently evil; her expectations were specific and expected nothing less. There was nothing wrong in having certain expectations from your partner, right?

Samar was lost in his thoughts when a street hawker approached him. He wasn’t interested in buying anything, but the unique glass earrings caught his attention. He had never seen such earrings in Bangalore. He was debating whether to buy few for his nieces when a man plopped down beside him.

“Settling into the married life already?” Rajesh, Samar’s colleague, asked teasingly.

Samar didn’t understand the question at first. When he did, he laughed out loud imagining Riya’s face if he gifted cheap earrings.

“No, I was just thinking to buy them for my nieces.”

“And that made you laugh?”

Samar waved off the pestering hawker before answering. “Any woman, especially your ladylove, will faint in shock if you gift her these cheap earrings. Imagining Riya’s reaction made me laugh, that’s all.”

Rajesh looked as if he was amused. “You have been dating Riya, for what, three years. Are you telling me that you have never gifted something that’s trivial?”

Samar shook his head. “I tried once or twice. But soon I was made aware that girls don’t like trivial things.”

Rajesh looked at his young colleague with concern. Samar seemed to have no clue what normal relationships looked like. Then an idea flashed into his head. He jumped up and forced Samar to get up. After saying, “Come on, my boy, follow your senior,” started to run.

Samar watched his senior run like a madman, “Why are we running?”

“To investigate whether your theory is right or wrong. Come on,” Rajesh shouted back and tried to catch up with the hawker Samar had just waved off.

By the time Samar joined him, Rajesh was busy haggling. After standing there for five minutes Samar muttered “you could just give him 100rs.”

Rajesh glared at his junior. “You stand there silently. If Nitya finds out I paid full price, she will eat me alive.”

Samar kept his mouth shut and watched in amazement as Rajesh finally brought 2 pairs for just 70rs. Even the hawker didn’t seem saddened by the deal.

Looking at Samar’s expression, Rajesh chuckled, “you will learn with experience, my child. Now come. Let’s test your theory.”

Samar and Rajesh went back to where their other colleagues—including Rajesh’s wife, Nitya—were sitting. “Hi guys and hello missus,” Rajesh greeted while picking up a Nitya’s chicken roll.

Nitya slapped his hands. “Order your own food. I am not sharing mine.”

“Ouch, that hurt,” Rajesh said while rubbing his hands. “Here I come, bringing valuable gifts for my lovely wife, but she is not even ready to offer part of her food.”

“You, getting me gifts. That too without reminding. Has the sun risen from west,” Nitya replied with dramatic horror.

“You should be ashamed for doubting your noble husband, lady. I will prove you wrong right here. Here are the precious earrings that I won for you by fighting a giant in a faraway land.”

Nitya looked at the earrings and batted her lashes. “Oh, my beloved. Forgive me for ever doubting you. I will treasure these inestimable gifts till my last breath.

Samar shook his head at the couple’s antics and joined others at the table. No wonder they had met at their college drama class. Something broke inside Samar’s heart and at the same time something clicked. Rajesh and Nitya will never have to walk on eggshells around each other. Unlike him.

***

When Samar saw Nitya wearing the glass earrings for an office meeting after coming back from the trip, he knew he had made the right decision. Next day, he cooked Payasam (Riya’s favorite sweet), made a bouquet from the flowers in his garden and picked up the glass earrings he had brought for Riya. He deliberately packed the sweet in an old Tupperware, arranged the flowers haphazardly and went meet Riya at her office.

Riya came down and hugged Samar. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” Samar said and showed her the gifts. “These are for you.”

Riya’s face glowed with happiness and she was about to take her phone to take a snap when she noticed the old Tupperware and the ugly bouquet.

The scene went down pretty much how Samar expected. First came the lecture of how Samar was not respecting his fiancée by bringing such ugly and cheap gifts. Then she cried how demeaning it would be if someone saw her in those cheap earrings. She cried some more how Samar didn’t respect her enough, and didn’t know how to treat a woman…

Samar was startled awake when a railway porter nudged his shoulder. The train had reached Madgaon junction. Samar got down and breathed the salty breeze with relief. Dev was getting married in Goa as a tribute to the place that released his best friend from a toxic love shackle.