Acceptance

The furious men chased after me. I didn’t look back once. I ran. Didn’t know where I was heading either. I just ran. The never-ending green bamboo thicket made it hard to traverse, but it also helped me to avoid my pursuers. The cuts in my right arm still burned from the cane leaves and the sky was completely hidden from how tall those plants were. It must have been at least an hour until I realized nobody was behind me anymore. The samurai could not catch up to a young person with that set of armor on. There was finally a moment to recover my breath.

After some minutes to slow down my heartbeat I managed to observe my surroundings. The moonlight lit the glade There was an old abandoned shack, with a thatched roof and wooden walls. The shoji doors were rotten and were full of holes and the moldy torn curtains danced with the breeze. It was slightly elevated by a wooden stilt on each corner, keeping it above the eutrophic pond. An untrustworthy plank served as the ramp to the residence. Behind the house were winding flights of steps, that disappeared amidst the foliage, heading up the mountain.

I snuck into the house since I couldn’t tell if anyone was staying on it, regardless of the exterior presentation. The entrance led me to a typical small Japanese living room. The place was trashed and seemed ransacked long ago. Every crevice was brimming with cobwebs and the tatami was water damaged by the rain because of the holes in the roof. I looked around the kitchen and the bedrooms but the house was empty. The peace and quiet of this residence allowed me some rest.

I laid down on the tatami despite its filthy state, ripped a curtain to stay warm, and closed my eyes for some sleep. But in that second, I realized the situation I was in. I hadn’t grasped yet the danger I was in. I could be found at any moment. The comfort of sleeping was something I couldn’t afford anymore. Those men could reach this place in twenty minutes. I could be attacked by anyone. I did not know the world outside of our village; I was never allowed to leave. I stared into nothingness while lost in my thoughts.

I didn’t think about what I’d do after leaving. All I could consider was escaping.

I can’t make money; I don’t know how I’m going to feed myself.

My options both end in death.

It is in these moments that the true nature of human life is understood. We are fragile beings. We die. We don’t truly understand our fear of death until we’re near it. Before, I was given the chance to accept death or escape it. I took what seemed to be the obvious choice, without realizing that escaping would not save me either.

Despite my efforts to stay awake, fatigue overtook me, and my conscience faded.

THE PREVIOUS NIGHT

Yuki was combing her hair in front of her mirror. Her room was like anything I’d ever seen. Hints of gold here and there, a painting of the Great Wave of Kanagawa, and she was the only person I knew to have one of those western futons they call beds. I vaulted over the balcony and into her room. Suddenly, she jumped off her seat, and as she tried to step away from me, tripped on her kimono and fell back. Despite the fright, she contained her scream.

- Nobumaru! I told you a million times to not do that!

If anyone thinks something's wrong with me, they’ll barge in and see you!

- I know, I know. But scaring you is amusing.

We had been together for a few months but in secret. I was never told the details, but Yuki’s father was a very strict person and wouldn’t accept our relationship. We ended up talking for a few hours as usual until a man spoke door. I slowly got up to avoid making noise and headed for the balcony.

- My daughter. It is unusual for you to stay up this late. Is everything okay?

- Uh, Y-yes Father!

We had forgotten to turn off the light as if this was the first time we had ever attempted a stunt like this. Lord Ujikata must have sensed something wasn’t right as he started to approach the door to open it.

- Father! Wait!

I stopped caring about not making noise, rushed to the balcony, and jumped down to the patio. The guards didn’t seem to notice me, which confused me at first but I didn’t mind at all. I ran as fast as I could to my home, jumped through the windows, took some time to calm down, and went to sleep.

I was woken up by ruckus outside my house. Still dazed, I could not make out what it was that the people were saying, but I got up anyway and headed to the entrance. My mother and father were standing there, talking to someone. It was Kawamura Ujikata, Yuki’s father. As I arrived, the man outside, pushed past my parents, firmly gripped my kimono’s collar, and addressed me.

- You despicable plebeian! Do you dare interfere in my daughter’s life? Do you attempt to ruin her marriage?

- What? I don’t-

- Excuses won’t save you! I found this on my daughter’s bed-chamber!

Lord Ujikata held a piece of grey fabric, with a silver boar crest on it. Our family’s crest. I glanced at my kimono. A piece of it was torn apart. It must have gotten stuck in the wooden balcony when I jumped and didn’t notice.

- But we love-

- I don’t care! My daughter will marry her betrothed.

- But-

- Silence! You have most certainly shamed your family.

I believe you understand the consequences.

I didn’t comprehend at first but my parents seemed to. My mother kneeled and begged for mercy. My father volunteered to substitute for me but was turned down.

- What do you mean? What’s going to happen to me?

- You will commit seppuku on the village altar. After the sunset.

My guards will escort you there in due time.

He turned around and left our house. My parents chased after him in hopes of some compassion, but they surely knew there was none coming from that man. Our family was of high standing in the hierarchy of our village. The Kawamura family was very but very above ours. To them, we were as insects. But not Yuki. She had compassion; she had a heart. Kindness emanated from her at all times. She took care of the elderly in the village, whenever she snuck out of her house. She played with other young people even when she was only eight years old, regardless of social status. That was the woman I fell in love with.

But now, I stood before an ultimatum. To die at the simple order of someone.

Sometime later, we sat down at the kotatsu and stood silent for a long period of time. Everyone tried to accept that I’d have to die that very day.

- I just-

- It’s no use, Nobu. Their family’s decisions are unquestionable. We can’t do anything! Why did you involve yourself with that damn girl?!

- Because WE LOVE EACHOTHER!

- What does it matter? You just end up de-…

He could not bring himself to say those words. I left the living room and laid down in my bed. I could see the window and the sun was slowly moving towards the horizon. With every second that passed, the knife was closer to my gut.

My sadness slowly turned into anger as the brightness descended. I had to take a stance; I could not just accept death.

If I die, it will be fighting.

I tore my kimono’s sleeve, fetched my brush, and wrote my final message on it. I jumped over my window and ran for Yuki’s house. There was a decently sized rock in the ground and I wrapped my sleeve around it, threw it at Yuki’s room, and sped towards the village’s gate. The guards clearly noticed me and I could tell two or three started to chase me. As I crossed the main gate I didn’t know where to go. I could follow the road or I could head to the bamboo thicket. I never left the village, I was not allowed to, so I didn’t know how the outside world was.

I took the bamboo forest path, hoping I’d have some maneuverability advantage by not wearing armor.

BACK IN THE ABANDONED HOUSE

The cracking of a branch woke me up. I immediately rushed to the window and peeked outside only to see an injured woman. I ran towards her to help.

- Are you okay?

- Not, ugh, not really.

The woman stumbled and fell on her knees. I picked her up and brought her inside the house. As I laid her down, I saw her abdomen bleeding profusely.

- My lord! These injuries!. What happened to you?

- I was picking herbs and got attacked by a bear. It hit my arm with its claws but I managed to run away initially. When it started chasing me, I-I tripped and fell down the hill. I stopped when I hit a fallen log, but…

She untied her kimono and showed me her stomach. There was a branch, three inches thick penetrating her body.

- I-i-I’ll get help, stay here, I’ll be back-

- No. Don’t go. The nearest doctor is at least an hour away. I don’t have that much time. The stake is lodged in my liver. I don’t have more than thirty minutes.

- But then you’re going to die!

- I know. I’m dying, I have no option.

The way that this woman had accepted her demise was strange. I could not comprehend how someone could calmly await death.

- Then what can I do?

- Well. There is something you could perhaps help me with.

I came here because of the ancient shrine on the top of this mountain. When I was younger, I and my husband used to visit that shrine. He was also buried there. If I could fulfill one last desire, it would be to have my final moments there.

I didn’t get to think of my own situation. I couldn’t possibly refuse. I wouldn’t be able to live if I denied the poor soul of her dying wish.

- Ok, I will take you there. Hold on to me and tell me where to go.

- Just head up the steps, it’s impossible to miss.

The woman painfully raised herself, held on to my shoulder, and got up, leaving a crimson puddle where she laid. I ripped a curtain and gave it to her to stagnate the bleeding. We left the house and headed to the stairway.

- I want to know, what is a young man from the royalty doing alone in an old house in the middle of a forest?

- I can’t go back home. The lords of our village want me dead for having a relationship with their daughter.

- I see. So, you chose to run?

- Did I have any other option?

- Of course. You could have stayed.

- But that just means dying for no reason.

- Yes. I’ll be honest with you. Death will come for you no matter what. You would have died if you stayed in your village. But running away from home will kill you as well. You don’t know the outside world. You don’t know how to hunt or cook. You can’t survive out here.

- Then what do I do?

- I can’t tell you that. It is your decision.

But… Life is precious. Preserving it is a priority. If there’s a way, even if the likelihood of success is almost inexistent, you should take it.

But in the case that there is no escape, you should end it on your own terms. If you have to die, make the most out of what you have. If you disagree with their ideologies, show it to them until the end.

If you believe in something, if you refuse to accept your fate, demonstrate your resolve, to the very end.

Well, at least that’s my opinion. You have to forge your own moral code.

After not paying much attention, we realized we could see the last flight of steps. We reached the summit and the view was astonishing. Sakura trees dancing along with the sky’s breath, waving their beautiful pink leaves, illuminated by the moonlight. In front of us, there was a torii gate and a shrine, dedicated to Kagu-tsuchi, the deity of Fire.

The woman was instead paying attention to a pile of rocks with a wooden plank stuck on the ground. The sign was dirty, must not have been visited in a long while. She stopped holding onto me and struggled to reach the grave. She scraped the dirt off the sign. It read 決意 / Ketsui. Then, she hugged the wooden plank and leaned her head on it.

- You don’t know how much I’ve missed you.

Boy. What’s your name?

- I’m Nobumaru.

- My name is Akira. Thank you, Nobumaru. Thanks to… you, I can… rest next to my beloved Ketsui.

The woman lies lifeless on her husband’s tomb, with a smile. I kneeled in front of the shrine and gazed at the sky in wonder.

Believing in one’s ideals to the very end, I thought.

The silent peace is broken by many voices coming from the stairs. I glanced over my shoulder and spot the men that were chasing me previously, but this time, followed by Lord Ujikata.

- So, you thought you could escape your fate?

I didn’t answer. I realized these people thrived off intimidation. They believe their power, puts anyone under their command. There is one thing they fear more than anything; Lack of control.

I notice my parents running up the stairs behind the guards, who blocked their path to prevent any intervenience.

Ujikata grabbed a Tanto knife and threw it in front of me, and ordered a samurai to serve as the kaishakunin.

- Do it.

I glanced at Akira. She gave me courage. She gave me determination.

I looked into Ujikata’s eyes, and his expression of fear spoke for itself. He had never seen anyone stand up to him. I had won.

The shifting moonlight now gleamed on Yuki’s face, who was hiding by a tree, face pouring with tears.

I smiled at her, thrust the knife into the ground, and closed my eyes.

- So be it.