A Dash of Disaster

Recipe For Disaster 

Ingredients

-1 Middle School (perhaps it could be called LittleBrooke Middle)

-1 New Kid (who could be called Micheal)

-1 Bully (possibly a kid in your class named Kaden Price who has spent the better part of 3 years trying to make your life a living nightmare)

-300 Afternoons spent in a locker

-3 Years

-1 Negligent teacher (Mrs. Price)

-1 Unhelpful Principle (Mr. Principal)

-2 Best Friends

-1 Dangerous Idea

-1 16 oz Soda

-3 Fireworks

-1 Celebratory Picnic

Instructions:

1. Take the bully (Kaden) and the teacher (Mrs. Price), and mix until soft and fluffy. Make sure to mix well or the two ingredients will not fully combine as mother and son.
2. In a separate bowl add the new kid, named Micheal, and yourself. Do this on an old bleacher in Gym class after you and Micheal were both asked to sit out of the dodgeball game for having too many fouls even though anyone with eyes can see it was obviously Kaden who gave Micheal a bloody nose and not you. Add 1 joke about the gym teacher’s personal hygiene (made by Micheal) and 1 long laugh (from you). Lastly add 2 detention slips (from the Gym teacher).
3. Become best friends. Tip: make sure to add enough detention time together or else the mixture won’t be acquainted enough for any mischief.
4. Now combine the first mixture (Kaden and Mrs. Price) to the second mixture (You, Micheal and a firm friendship). After this you will have to let the batter sit for about 3 years. During this time feel free to watch your best friend Micheal get bullied by Kaden over and over. Also feel free to spend most of your free time after school being bullied by Kaden (usually by being stuck into a locker around 300 times). Be sure to wait 3 years. Any less, and the tension of the mixture won’t be good enough. 
5. Make sure to remember that Kaden is the teacher’s pet and star student. Even though every kid at LittleBrooke Middle knows he’s really just a bully. Sprinkle in the up-coming class president debate for some extra spice.
6. Now mix in Micheal finally standing up to Kaden and getting punched. (I like to add a chipped tooth and a black eye for this part).
7. Now it is time to get help from a responsible adult. Like Mrs. Price for instance. If you do this step correctly, the adult should do absolutely nothing about it.
8. Take matters into your own hands.
9. Take all these ingredients and let them simmer on the stove for about a month. Feel free to add other optional spices. Tip: I personally feel that a touch of blackmail and violence by Kaden, ensuring he is the only candidate for the school election, nicely adds a bit more flavor to our batter. 
10. Add more tension when every teacher continues to act like Kaden is the star of the class and a gift to society. Tip: This step tends to gross out beginning bakers so make sure to have a barf bag nearby.
11. Let it rise by waiting a few more days, occasionally sprinkling anger and tension here and there. Be sure to remember that Kaden will be using this time to create and practice his Class Presidency speech, and he will, as he has done every year so far, create a slideshow to go with it.
12. After you have completed steps 1-11, you should spend endless hours with Micheal venting furiously and swearing to one day take Kaden down. Tip: It helps if you do this part eating ice cream and Hot Cheetos upside down on Micheal bed so you can see who’s face turns reddest.
13.  Add The Idea. This may take several hours of mixing and plotting but be patient.
14.  Wait until Kaden goes to the bathroom during math class. This step MUST be done the day of the speech (no more than an hour or two before) or else Kaden will find out what you did, and the batter will go bad. Tip: to ensure that Kaden will need to use the restroom I like to give him a 16 oz soda and tell him the principal asked me to give it to him. He will not suspect anything. But he will kick you in the shins and call you a sissy for no apparent reason. Then, when the teacher isn’t looking, open his Chromebook and use the password Kaden has used for the last 3 years. Click onto his class president debate slideshow and have Micheal change some things. While Micheal does this, slip something in his backpack. Set aside until last period or the time of the speech. Tip: Excessive sweating and nerves is usual. If you wish you can place batter in the fridge or do your secret handshake with Micheal.
15. Next, uncover the mixture and preheat the oven. This is done by watching Kaden plug in his PowerPoint and seeing that stupid smirk on his face as he confidently strides onto the stage and tells a stupid joke that the students pretend to laugh at only, so they don’t get pantsed later.
16. Set in the oven to bake by sitting at the edge of your seat when Kaden starts his speech.
17. If your oven is making weird sounds, don’t worry. That is perfectly normal. The most common sounds are: “Hellooooo LittleBrooke Middle! How are all y’all today?” and “I’d like to give a shout out to our amazing teacher and staff! Thanks guys!” 
18. The mixture will continue to bake, and Kaden will say: “If I am voted president, I will continue to run our school PA announcements in the morning! You’ll get fun announcements like this all year long!”
19. Kaden will click the soundbite but instead of his planned PA announcement a song will start playing. Tip: Rebecca Black’s Friday does quite nicely.
20.  You’ll know you’ve done it right when the whole school breaks out into laughter and Kaden’s face goes red. But he will fight the heat of the oven and regain control of the room.
21. To counteract this, be sure to have your fireworks ready. These should have been prepared by setting them behind the curtain of the stage. Ask the teacher if you can go to the bathroom and then head over to the stage. No one will notice you. As soon as the oven seems to be under control again, Kaden will say, “...and I’ll be sure to make school a safe and calm environment-” set off the fireworks.
22.  Run. Tip: A good path to take would be out the backdoor, around the rose bushes, back into the school, and down the hallway with the bathrooms back into the auditorium where you must pretend to be confused when you see fireworks going off.
23. Most likely, the mixture will start bubbling. Students will be laughing and booing at Kaden. Trying to settle this down, Kaden will say “it wasn’t me; it wasn’t me!” Add a bit more heat to the oven when the teachers open his backpack and see the fireworks stuffed inside. Mrs. Price will finally look at her son with a hint of disappointment. 
24.  By then, you should take it out of the oven. The cackles and jeers of the crowd should start dying down, and you can set it on a cooling rack.
25. By now Kaden will have been disqualified from the election and Sadie Jones, a sweet flavor with a great personality, will win. The Kaden flavor will no longer be potent. There will be no more hours stuck in lockers and no more of your classmates trying not to cry when Kaden bullies them. Kaden will be angry for a while, and you will have to let it cool for a long, long time. But if you have followed the instructions correctly then one day, years later, there will be a hint of the Kaden flavor again. But this time it will be subtle and sweet, and he will tell you that he knows you and Micheal did it and, to be honest, it had been pretty funny. Tip: I like to add whipped cream and a sunny picnic at the park with Micheal to celebrate.
26.  Enjoy!