Sun Bum

“It was pretty hot in London. Maybe you just didn't use enough of your overpriced sunscreen. What's it called again? Sun Bum?”

I caressed my lumpy uneven skin. Some parts felt wet and oily. Some parts had a hole like texture that would definitely trigger someone's trypophobia. This isn't normal. Jessie and I had just come back from a scorching hot vacation in London, one of the cities with the most pollution in the world. 3 days before our flight back, a foul stench flowed throughout the city and ebony clouds stretched for miles. But that was normal for London. It’s residents feel no way about the nasty humid weather and the harsh smell of chemicals within every breath they take, for they are already used to this climate as a result from the pollution. 

“I swear to you Jessie it's not just a sunburn. My skin isn't just peeling and I doubt it's any type of acne. Maybe it has something to do with the weird smell and dark atmosphere back on our vacation.” 

“You're kidding right?” he hollered “ You women and your skincare. You're totally overreacting, how is a minor chemical leak going to affect you when we weren't even that close to where the leak happened?”

“It wasn't just a minor leak! You saw how ugly things got, you saw everything!” I scolded. 

“ Well everyone else seemed pretty unbothered right? You always have something to complain about,” he responded. 

“Jessie. Everyone in that city is used to the factory smog and general atmosphere of pollution, they can't tell what's normal and what isn't. I'll be damned if they've ever smelled anything that didn't burn their nostril hairs off.”

“So now you're being ungrateful for our trip? Why can't we ever just have a day without something to nag about huh?”

I laid there dumbly. Maybe it's just all in my head and my skin is just acting up like any normal person that's been in the sun for far too long. It actually doesn't even look that bad. Maybe it's just my hormones. Afterall, I am pregnant. Jesus, it is all my fault. The only thing Jessie wanted was a nice getaway before I go into labor and I couldn’t even appreciate that. We can try again tomorrow. 

“Goodmorning love,” I whispered softly, “ let's go out to breakfast, on me ok.”

I slipped on a floral sundress. Looking through the window I was already able to see what kind of weather I’d be facing today. The waves of heat rose off the pavement like flames above a roof. 

“Forget about going to breakfast,” I chuckled to myself, “ the sidewalk sizzled enough to cook the perfect omelette. Can’t forget my Sun Bum.”

“ You ready Jessie? It’s almost 11. I’ll wait in the car honey,” I uttered.

I walked down the stairs cautiously and swung the front door open. My body throbbed and ached as soon as I looked at the blistering sun. Red barnacle-like spots arose from my skin, rough to the touch. I felt moist pores on my face growing and growing  with every second I spent in the driveway. 

“What's happening to me? ” I pondered as I rushed back inside.

“I thought you were in the car honey. Is something wro-” Jessie gasped. “What did you, what is all of this?” he exclaimed.

Red flakes pirated my skin along with painless warts and pores on my face.

“Is it that bad? I told you something was wrong with me but you said it was just a sunburn, what if something happens to the baby! But no, I’m the dramatic one, I’m the problem in your eyes” I cried.

“ Calm down honey ok. Did it happen when you went outside? You've never had a problem with the heat or any type of sun allergy.”

A sun allergy. Is that a side effect of pregnancy? Why doesn't school or anyone teach women about these things?

“A sun allergy huh? Well my skin did start acting up after the heatwave in London.”

“See my love, just a little sun allergy that's all,” Jessie comforted me, “ I didn’t mean to invalidate you yesterday love, I just didn’t want you to stress out because I know how it affects the baby. And you were rambling about chemicals and pollution, do you know how crazy that sounds?” Silence filled the room for a few seconds. 

“We should go to the doctor. Maybe uhh, the emergency room? You really look like you need some allergy pills. I’ll get the umbrella.”

Sun allergy. Just a sun allergy I thought to myself as we sped past trees and children playing with water guns in their front yards. Why all of a sudden? 

“ Ok make sure you stay under the umbrella my love, we don't want anymore nasty barnacles on your skin.” I hopped out of the under the red polka dot umbrella. “ But hey, on the bright side maybe they'll offer you plastic surgery huh. How does that sound. A new face even better than before, that's only if your skin doesn't go back to normal though.”

I felt my tear ducts start to water. Jessie really never has the right words to say when I'm in despair. Maybe I'm just too needy.

 As we walked through the automatic doors I felt a million pairs of eyes gaze upon me. Oh come on it cant be that bad. 

“ Yeah doc. We were thinking it's just a sun allergy because this is only the second time it's happened... and it was because of the sun.” 

I wish Jessie didn't always have to speak for me.

“I see.” The doctor glanced at me. “ Ma'am I am sorry to break it to you, but this is very abnormal to just be a simple sunburn or some type of sun allergy,” he paused. “Lets run some tests to make sure that you are in good health along with the little fella you've been carrying for the past few months.

           ...

“ I told you I wasn't over reacting Jessie! Look what you've done, now he's gone! All because I listened to you and your stupid sun allergy bull crap! I told you the pollution and chemicals were life threatening! I told you not to invalidate me!” I cried. 

My baby is gone. Its nervous system was too weak to take in all of the toxins and harsh chemicals in London. I hadn't felt a kick in ages. I should've known. 

We pulled up to the driveway in silence. I couldn't wait to separate myself from this man. Even if it was just for a few minutes or hours. I didn't care. I just wanted God to take him away from my life. I just wanted control. I examined myself in the bathroom mirror. I looked up to find myself upon a hideous, repelling, red wart filled face. That face was no other than my own. Disgusting.

“ SKKKKKR” I heard the car drive off,  but I didn't care. How was Jessie going to comfort me? He never has. This has always been a one sided relationship where he's always in the right and look where that got me. My baby was stripped away from me due to what Jessie thought was a “ Sun allergy”. “Don't forget your Sun Bum.”

I was always alone I thought as I walked downstairs into the kitchen. My head was empty as I lit every candle, turned on the stove and oven to the highest setting. I never understood why we had diesel in the kitchen cabinet. That was Jessie's idea too. Sparks glimmered from the match I just lit and swayed into the pools of gasoline on the floor. I'm not too sure if a sunburn or sun allergy or a sun whatever can kill you, but a house fire sure can.