Dear Diary

Friday 27 October 2012

Dear Diary,

Fridays are supposed to be fun, right? Then why was today the worst day ever? They announced my ex-best friend's death today (she died in a car accident), THEN her NEW best friend was giving me shit about it.

Like, bro, it's not my fault that little rat died, okay? And yes, she was my best friend, even if she was a little rat. So, you're probably wondering why I think Stacey Clarke is - was - a little rat. Okay, I'm going to stop saying that, because, you know, respect to the dead and whatnot.

So, Stacey and I used to be super tight. Like, you know, when superglue gets stuck on your fingers and you can't even rinse it off? It was sort of like that, but in a nice way, I guess. But she was always sort of sketchy. Sometimes I would ask her to hang out and she would just say, "oh, sorry Kate, I'm going to the beach with some friends today", and when I'd ask her what friends, she'd say, "Jesus Kate, you're not my only friend you know." And crikey that stressed me out.

And then I'd send her a text and wait until she replied, and then as soon as she'd say something I'd reply immediately, which led her to calling me a stalker. So, yay.

But she was nice, okay? When she looked at you she made you feel like the most important person on earth, because Stacey Clarke was looking at you. I should've known it wasn't going to last.

A couple years after we became friends, I went to a therapist because my parents had just divorced and I was really stressed out by it, and for some reason we started talking about Stacey. The more we talked the more I realised how mean and manipulative she really was, but by then, she immediately friend-dumped me and I was left friendless, because Stacey was the person I poured all my time and effort into.

So anyway, as I was saying, I'm not sorry Stacey died. The only thing I'm sorry about is that I let her bully me all that time.

Saturday 28 October 2012

Dear diary,

me again. Well, I guess it's always me. Molly Philipps (Stacey's new bestie) came over yesterday with some flowers. Mum answered the door and apparently Molly said she was my friend because Mum called me and was all like "Katie your friend's here" and I was like "what friend I don't have any?"

When I saw Molly I almost shut the door in her face but I didn't really have the opportunity to even think about it because the minute I arrived she thrust the flowers in my arms and invited herself in.

We very awkwardly sat on the couch and she told me about how she was sorry about Stacey and that she hoped I was okay, and it seemed genuine. I think that because Molly and Stacey became friends I assumed Molly was a total cow just like Stacey was, but she was actually nice. So that was really weird.

Sunday 29 October 2012

Dear diary,

yesterday Molly and I exchanged numbers (her idea, not mine), and I suppose I wasn't really expecting her to actually text me, but she did. Well not quite. She called me (who does that anymore anyway) and asked me if I wanted to come round to her house because it had been so nice to talk to me yesterday. I wanted to say no but Mum overheard us talking and FORCED me. If she hadn't birthed me I would run away from home.

So I went to Molly's today and her house has a pool. Like an actual living, breathing (well, not really) pool.

And her house was massive, too - like the sort of house you'd see in Hollywood, not Tauranga, which is very much not Los Angeles.

We went down to the pool, but didn't actually swim which was weird as, just kind of sat in the sun and talked, well, Molly did, and I didn't want to tell her that I don't tan like her, but sunburn.

She asked me if I had my driver's licence yet and I said yes, and she asked if I had a car and I said yes, and then she asked what kind and I said BMW even though I have a second-hand Toyota.

We talked about Stacey some more even though I didn't really want to, and then we just sat in silence and it was actually quite comfortable silence. I suppose Molly isn't all bad.

Monday 30 October 2012

Dear diary,

Molly actually talked to me at school. Which is weird as, because normally Stacey used to be embarrassed to be seen with me whenever there were other people around, especially school.

She asked me what I was doing for Halloween and I said I was going trick or treating, even though I wasn't going to because I didn't have a costume.

And she LAUGHED at me, but it wasn't mean laughing like Stacey used to do, like when I told her Halloween was my favourite celebration of the year. It was nice laughing, like "I can't believe you still go trick or treating at 16 that's so cool" laughing. I guess Molly hasn't known me long enough to know that nothing I do is cool.

Then she asked if she could come trick or treating with me. Help! Then I actually had to go and get a costume, so I just got a vampire cape and some fangs and drew some slits on my neck with makeup, and I guess it looks convincing. Molly sent me a picture of what she's going to wear tomorrow (a Wonder Woman outfit) and asked me to send her what I'm wearing.

Then she asked me why I had bite scars on my neck if I was the vampire.

Tuesday 31 October 2012

I did it. It was me. I killed her. It was my car. I did it on purpose. If you're reading this, just remember what Stacey did. Why I killed her. I'm not sorry.