My Sweet Nothings

“Do not….go…to…the door…”

“What’s out there?”

“Eve…ry…thing……you cannot…have…”

“Not that there’s much…”

“You…do…not…need….that…never have….never wiiill…..”

“You might be right…”

“Have…..I….ev…er….led…you…..a…stray….”

“I don’t know.”

“Of course…you do not…..you know nothing….”

“When have I last seen sunlight?”

“There….is…no….sun……for you.”

“Why just me?”

“You….are….im..pure…..put..rid…”

“It’s hard to see in here.”

“Why…would…you…need to see…..a world….that you can’t…have…”

“Am I unworthy of light?”

“Yes…..most…un…worthy…”

“Of the sun?”

“Just….look….at…you…”

“What if I’m missing something….or….someone?”

“Ohhhh……do not make….me…..vom…it….”

“What?”

“We both….know….you have….no…some…one…”

“I have you.”

“No…one….“has me”...I…am….just…here….you…know…this….”

“I don’t know anything, you said.”

“You know…..what…I am…..why…I…am…”

“Why is that?”

“Only….worthless….things…do…”

“Worthless?”

“That’s….right….”

“What makes me so?”

“Nothing…..”

“Then how can I be worthless?”

“You….are….worthless…..because….you…were….born….that way….”

“How?”

“Happens….to all….my “friends.”

“Are you my friend?”

“The closest….you will have…..to one….”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Come….now….don’t be….as….stupid….as you….are….most…capable….when did you ev…er….come out…side….you don’t under…stand…what outside….is….what it looks like….”

“You’re right, I don’t.”

“Nothing….is…out….side….for you….any…moreee…..you…don’t even….know…..”

“I don’t, I don’t.”

“Stay….with…meee…..as you al…ways……do….”

“Why do I?”

“You….have….nothing more….”

“Why must I have such an awful curse?”

“You….were….a…mistake….”

“Am I…the only one?”

“No…..that….would….make…you….special…..”

“And I’m not?”

“At last….you…are….returning….to…rea..lity….”

“I’m sorry I thought such a thing….it’s just…that door…what if it’s my salvation?”

“As….if….that is…..waiting…..for you….”

“Your friends don’t get that?”

“They…try…..the fools….they try….”

“Am I a fool?”

“Yes…..the biggest I have met….”

“So I am special then?”

“Do not be…..so…sure….being…a….fool….is not….special….it’s...common.... pathetic.”

“What does that make me?”

“We know….that you…..are….blind…..that you…are….stu..pid….but do not….play…yourself….like this…we have….been through this….”

“I can’t take it.”

“You can…..and….you…shall….”

“Why?”

“I thought….you….had under…stood…..you are….not worth….the esc..ape…from this….living….”

“I don’t have anyone to help?”

“I…am….all…the…help….you will….ever….get….all….that…you…de…serve….”

“Can I trust your help?”

“What….other…..way…do…you….have….”

“I have no one…out there?”

“I have told youuuuu….you have….no…thiiing….waiting….for…you….”

“No friends?”

“None….but…me….”

“No family?”

“You think….they….care….they…have….al…rea..dy….forgotten….you…”

“So I do have one?”

“Have….what….”

“A family?”

“When….have….you….ev…en….seen….them…..”

“I don’t know. Maybe I can see them now."

“They….could..not….wait….for…you….to…drop...dead.”

“Why?”

“If….on…ly….you could….see….your…self….to com…pre…hend…..it…you are…repul…sive…”

“In what way?”

“Every….”

“How much?”

“It…is…nothing…..that….you…don’t al…rea…dy….rea..lize…in your….dis..gusting….misshapen….head.”

“Remind me.”

“How….worth…less…..just….like them….”

“Why do you treat me like this?”

“Like….what….”

“Why must you give me such hurt?”

“Do…not….give…me…..such…non…sense…like….you…can…e..ven..tell…any…more….”

“I…wish I could.”

“What…a….dumb…wish…”

“Still, you are saying strong things to me. Why?”

“I am….calling you….for what…you are….I am…doing…you…a…mer…see….”

“How?”

“Imagine….how much….you….would…be…hurt…ing….if you…..went out….that door….blind…to your….ugly..ness….to hear….about it….from the other…..sheep….”

“They would do such a thing to me?”

“The sheep….do it….all….the time…..at least….from me….you…do...not..have…to feel….”

“...why?’

“Why……what….”

“Why….shouldn’t I?”

“Feel…..”

“Yes.”

“There is….no..thing….that hurts….more….to your….dis…po…sable….kind….then the….sword…that…cuts….your minds….these are the….dan…gers…that you…can…not…see…..but I….can….that is why….I am here….for you….you worthless thing….”

“What is my name?”

“Another….worthless…..possession….your kind…takes….for…im…por…tant…you….will…be….rot….like the crea…tures…you butch..er…”

“What is my name?”

“You….have….no…thing…..not ev…en….that….stop….do…not….re…sist…..it makes….the pain….come…home…”

“What….is….my…name?”

“You….are….pa…thetic…..after all…I have….shiel..ded you…from….all I have….worked….to keep you….from…the horrors….of your….con…dition….you still…can..not…accept….”

“Accept what?”

“You can…not….have…..peace…..or…..happiness….or….love……any…thing….of…no use….to this…world…but…your….kind's….own…”

“What can I have?”

“The plea…sure…of…empti…ness…..of…not…be..ing…like the…sheep….the ones that….walk….aim..less…ly….in their…worlds….just…to…meet…..all…of the…hurt….that on…ly…they can…feel…yet…can…not….fight….not by…them…selves….or….with….any..one…”

“But why?”

“Eve…ry…one….is…sel…fish….eve…ry…one….is….hurt..ing….they…can..not…afford….to give….such a….court…esy….to another…”

“Why?”

“They can…not….heal….their own….hurt….can not…under…stand…it…”

“But you can?”

“Yes….”

“How can you?”

“I know….why…they hurt….I com..pre…hend…why they…are….so…fra..gile…”

“No. How can you heal it?”

“Why…..”

“Can you heal me?”

“You……fooool…..I…al…ready….am…”

“How?”

“This…is…how you heal….”

“How?”

“You can…not….”

“Can’t what?”

“Heal….it..is…im..pos..sible….I…am…do..ing…all…that is…pos…sible…for you…ungrateful…stain…”

“This is all there is? A bed and a dark room?”

“This…is…us…ual…for you….another…weak..ness….of…your…kind…”

“What is…that?”

“Hope…it…is….of…use…less….value….just…a means…to…de..ny….how…you….are….”

“I have never heard of that.”

“My…friends….lost it….long…ago….and…you…should…too….”

“Why?”

“It…does….more….harm…to you….than you….can….see….”

“How?”

“It….is….a…symp…tom….of…your….con..dition…..to…sense…that….your world…is…crumb…ling…down…”

“Is it?”

“Eve….ry…day…..”

“Is there any way to avoid that?”

“Yes…..all….you…have…to do….is what…you have….been….do..ing….stay….here….in the….comfort…of…the….empty…dark..ness….the com..fort…of…your bed…..with….me…..your….on..ly…friend….”

“I can feel myself rotting on this.”

“How…else…is…the…hurt…supposed….to…go…a…way….”

“This is the only way?”

“There…is…no….way….this….is…just….a…way…to…a..void…the…dan..ger…”

“How awful is the danger?”

“It is…a…com..mon….yet…effective…man…gler……of…your….kind…”

“How effective?”

“No…one…of…your…kind….goes…un..scathed…no…mat..ter…how they…try…to…car..ry…on….”

“But do they?”

“What….are…you…say…ing….mag…got…”

“Do they carry on?”

“Fool…ishly…they…do…”

“Foolishly how?”

“All…that…a…waited…them….was...more…of…the….a…gony…they dreaded…to…face…”

“What kind of agony?”

“The one…you want….to…go back to….by…go..ing…through that…door….list..en…to me….there is no es..cape for…you….no…sal..vation….on..ly….hurt…as all my…friends…learn….have learned….don’t….go….through…the….dooor….”

“How do you know all this?”

“What….”

“How do you know so much about the outside? About my family?”

“I am….you….as…you…are…I…”

“Is it the same way with your other friends?”

“Of….course…..”

“How?”

“Fool…as…I…have…said….I under…stand…your conditions…..you are all…the…same….just as…dis...po...sable….”

“There has to be some way…this can’t keep on forever…”

“Are…you…tired…”

“I am…I’m tired of being here.”

“You want…es...cape….”

“Can I get it?”

“No….do…not…be…stu..pid….how..ever…there…is…a..way…”

“A way to what?”

“Be free……of the empty….bliss….”

“This is no bliss….I do not recognize such things.”

“You….wish…to….leave…this….empty…ness…..be...hind…”

“How, please, just tell me how, how can I do it?”

“Go…..to……sleeeep…..”

“For how long?”

“No need to ask…..there is…no point…in…wak…ing…up….”

“What’s going to happen then?”

“This will all….be over…you…can…be….away from…the….horrors…of feel….of this world…just be…where you….wish to be…”

“But…I won’t really be there, will I?”

“What else….do you have….here….that will….be….bet…ter….”

“Will you be here with me when I sleep?”

“....of course….I will….”

“Will you be here with me outside?”

“Why….would you….want…to…do that….”

“I’m just asking…”

“..I would…but not how you think….”

“What do you mean?”

“You…can…not….flee…me….where...you...may go....I go...…it is…just…a..mat..ter…of….aura…”

“I don’t understand.”

“You do…not….under…stand….any…thing….just…go…to sleep….if you can..not…be…con..tent…with…the…empty black…”

“You promise it’s better than this?”

“Bet…ter…is a…strong…word….how…ever…by your…lim..ited…paths…it would…be…satis…fac..tory…”

“And you will be with me?”

“Al…ways…..”

“Can I ask you one more thing?”

“......”

“Can I?”

“......go…onnnnnn….”

“Why do you fear the outside?”

“Who…said….that…I did…..”

“You talk like you do.”

“You stu…pid…mag..got…I am…you…lest…you…for..get….your fear…is what…I…adopt…al…though…my…own…fear….for it…does…not…exist…”

“I’m afraid of the outside?”

“It…is…big..ger…than that….for you…..for your…kind….”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s…the…hurt…that awaits…you….no..thing else…..you are all….a…fraid….of living…a life…where you….will be….hurt…..for….being….you…wish…to deny….yourself….the…acceptance….of the mean..ing..less….of…your….pre…sence…but…you….face it….sooner….or later….all the same…”

“Then why am I still here?”

“Because…I….let you…stay here….I am…a shepherd…to all….my friends….a shepherd who…leads….his….si…lent…flock…to a land….without….struggle…….without….dis…a..pointment…without…heart..ache…”

“What if I don’t want to go?”

“Your….kind….always…wants….to go….it is….on…ly…a matter…of…tiiime….”

“Let me at least get a glimpse beyond the door.”

“What…do you…be…lieve…that will…a…chieve….for you….”

“I don’t know. I just want something.”

“You…can…have….nothing….”

“I want it.”

“You can…not…have…a…ny…thing…you…are…worthless….like all….of….my…friends.”

“I want to see.”

“See…the pain….that a…waits…all…your kind….”

“I want to see someone.”

“You…..see….me….”

“Someone that isn’t….you.”

“All you have…..is…meeee….”

“It’s worth a try.”

“Keep tell…ing….your…self…that….and…see….how….bad….it…will…be…”

“Why can’t you be with me on this?”

“You know….noth…ing…..I…know…what….will…hap..pen…when you….go…out…there….it….happens to….all….of you….”

“What if I just see?”

“Once….one….is out….it is…hard…to lock…back…in….”

“There must be something out there.”

“If there is….why…are…you…in…here….”

“I don’t know.”

“Just….staaaay….with...me…..where it….is…safe….for you….”

“Have I been out before?”

“Yessss…..”

“How did it go?”

“You….were….the…same….as you….al…ways…have…been….”

“Why can’t I remember that?”

“You….blocked…it…out….of your….filth…e…mind…I…helped…you…….do not…do…this…dance a…gain….I know how…it ends….this is...a lot…less…bad…”

“I don’t know what bad is anymore.”

“I do….it’s all…out there….where….the….feel…ing…is….let it…go….give in…give in….to me…...”

“.......no. Not today. I’m going for a walk.”

“....fine….go…out there…..but youuuu….will…not….feel….any…dif..ferent….your…fragility….is stilllll….inside….you will crack…..and when you do….come back…to the darkness…..with meee….your only….friend…..all you….will…ever…have…..then may…be…one…day…you will….finally….sleep….nev…er….the...less…..when the pain…of…devil…ish….e…motion….comes to…bury you….do not…fear….I am…here….for…you…"

“I know you are."

"We....will....be....to....gether......for....ever...."

"Let's go."