Fiction LGBTQ+ Contemporary

      In my chambers I walk to the ATM, Awareness TeleMonitor. The balance of my essence in the Universe is lower than usual. Something is off, but I am unsure of what. I call my siblings in to inform them. I have a plan and I need their advice. I need to understand what has happened.

“Are you sure about this?” My middle sibling asks me.

“I feel like I need to,” I replied. “And of all days, today seems like a great day to manifest.”

I turn to my youngest sibling who sits in a chair across the space. They pick their nails as if they do not see the urgency in the matter. 

“Let me tell you this my dear eldest sibling. If you go, you won’t like what you see. You should not go.”

“You are far too young to understand. But I do need you to. I have to go. It has been far too long.”

I cover my human vessel with long wide leg trouser pants in my favorite color of bliss. I add a blouse in sunshine and a vest that matches my trousers. I feel as good as I am despite what the ATM says. With no particular place in mind, I walk through a garden in a major city. 

The day is stunning, and I love the way the sun feels on this flesh. It reminds me of myself. A puppy comes up to me and snuggles against my leg. I smile and rub behind his ears. This is what I am here for. Moments like this. I’ve missed witnessing it. The owner tries to bring the pups attention back to her but fails. I look at her and smile. She doesn’t look at me. So strange. I can feel the love she has for this pup, yet she does not see me. Hmmm. I smile brighter, cascading my energy to her. There is a barrier. 

I stop rubbing the pup’s ears to allow him to go back to her. Her energy shines brighter but I still can’t get in. That is so weird. I continue my walk through the garden. 

There is a young lady sitting on a bench reading a book. A faint glow resides in her. A gentleman is sitting next to her feeding the ducks. I see him glance at her, but she pays him no mind. I need to understand. I drift inside of him. Become him. The glimpses become more, and he wants to investigate while she has his attention. He turns to her.

“What book are you reading?”

She barely looks at him before replying, “Eleven Minutes.”

“That’s interesting. What’s it about?”

She feels apprehensive. I can tell. That glimmer in her sparks even more though. When she turns to him, it burns a bit brighter. A small smile escapes her lips, but she glances back to her book. The smile fades and her spark is now behind a black box inside of herself. Something is going on and I still can’t figure out why. 

I step away from the gentleman and let their conversation fade away. I’m taken aback at the quick there is a lockdown of who I am. I continue my journey though. There is a reason I chose to manifest during this day. There is something that is causing this world to spin in misguidance.

A sound familiar to this universe catches my awareness. My feet do the work for me and draw me nearer to the melodies floating through the air. They bring me in front of a young man wrapped in the rhythm of his fingers gliding across the piano in front of him. The music reminds me of the beginning. Of the birth of the universe when I was here before all. And this young man. The way he passionately moves from key to key, swaying his body, nodding his head. He is in me. He is in love. He cares deeply for what he is doing, and his heart is full of bliss.

I feel me through the atmosphere. His being pushes out the vibration I recognize and the people around him draw in even closer. They can all feel his bliss through the molecules in the air. I could stand here for eternity to see me so beautifully personified. 

On the other side of the crowd, I see a visually impaired man feeling around on the ground. His head turns toward me, and his cloudy eyes plead. I make my way to him, looking around where he is feeling.

“Can you help me locate my bracelet? It is the last thing I received from my daughter. The last thing I had seen along with her face. Can you please help me find my bracelet?”

I continue to look until I saw an iridescent crystal bracelet in a flower bed. I describe it and he nods his head. Slowly I take the arm that is outstretched and place the bracelet on. 

“You can see me?” I ask. 

His eyes follow my face, “Yes. I thought I lost you once. When my daughter lay in the hospital bed and my vision was diminishing. I thought you had abandoned me. But she, my sweet Violet, she held my hand. She showed me love up until she took her last breath. She said she would always be wherever I could find you. And from then on, I would never let you out of my sight. This, disability, it never stopped me from seeing. It opened my heart more.”

I held his hand. Watching him, watching me. Once again I am inclined to stay in a particular frame in this world.

Yet, I feel a tug. It feels heavy. I turn my awareness south and look at a bright red light coming from a townhouse a block away. The energy feels very heavy. Before heading there, I take a few minutes to ground myself in the elements. They feel me so fully. I will need them to strengthen me.

After ten minutes of charging this vessel, I walk to the light. I see a man in his home sculpting. I walk through the walls to where the light radiates. He is taking his time digging the knife into the clay. His eyes show light and a glimmer of me. But the light is not coming from him. I hear a buzz and he glance at his phone. The light explodes from it. What is this? So strange to see me come from technology. 

He picks it up and scrolls through. I come to hover over his shoulder, and he pauses. He turns and around and looks as if he is looking at me. He squints and shudders before turning back to his phone. 

He does not see me as I hope. There is no light in his eyes when he replies to the message on his phone. He is being nice, but there is no real enthusiasm. But this light. It comes from the other side of the phone. I move through the phone, leaving his home. I walk through the other side and see the fullness of my essence sitting on the floor looking into her phone.

She sends him thoughtful messages, and things that she feels he would enjoy. Her soul craves him and loves him beyond time. A part of her knows he does not feel the same. And yet. She still periodically checks in. Hoping one day he will confess to her, what she feels deeply for him. I close my eyes and take in her admiration. This, this is what the world needs. Unconditional love. I open my eyes and watch her. 

She stares at the phone waiting. He stops responding and her heart sinks. She knows that this is a cycle that she should end, yet she keeps sending him messages. She keeps subjecting herself to false hope. Because of me? I do not hurt. Why is she punishing herself? 

Small feet run into her room and rush her body with a tight hug. I am all over the connection between them. The tiny human says, “You give the best hugs mommy.”

She feels her daughter’s love deep. Yet, she is missing intimacy from a lover. 

“Do you want me to step in?”

My middle sibling, Lust, stands next to me in their kaftan of fire. I shake my head.

“What good would that do for her?”

“He would flirt with her for a bit, and it would at least ease some of the hope.”

“Lust, that would only be a temporary fix. He won’t ever tell her, but he does not desire her as she does him. And he is so focused on making money. He puts me on the back burner. He like so many others, I have seen put me last. They feel that I deserve to be last. They are afraid of me. Why?”

“I don’t know, my sibling. I exist alongside you, but I have felt no diminish in their awareness for me.”

I sigh. A gesture that is so foreign to my nature. When all is me, there should never be lack of my essence in any species. 

“I will give her what she needs until she finds what she desires.” I step inside of her like I did the gentleman on the bench. I turn my essence up and give her more of the self love that is so deep inside of her, but she has seemed to have forgotten. I can feel her glow getting brighter and I now stand beside my middle sibling again. 

We exit the woman’s home that is on the other side of the city close to the major lake. I watch the people going about on the sidewalks. All in such a hurry going to their jobs. I stop and take in their moods.

I must finish this project I have no time for hanging out. I have to pay these bills.

If I can just earn enough to take care of my family, then they will know I love them. 

I can’t have fun if I don’t have money. There is no room for fun with the lack of money.

I will fuck her tonight, but there is no love. I will not fall in love.

Love only hurts. These texts are all lies. I won’t let myself fall. I will focus on work and making money. That will be good enough.

Repeatedly I feel that the humans are focused on achieving financial wealth versus the very thing the Universe is made of. I feel weak. 

“Are you ok sibling?” I hear Lust ask as I shake and fall to my knees in the middle of the street. 

“I told you not to come down here.”

I look up under this vessel’s weak eyes and see Luxury standing in their suit of stars. Any other day Luxury’s beauty would be third to mine and second to Lust. Today they have surpassed my essence in full.

“What have you done to them, Luxury?!” Lust demands.

They laugh, “I have done nothing to Love. Love is old news, and this planet has evolved. They desire more than some mere fleeting feeling that they can’t even define.”

Weakly I reply, “Love is all. There is no definition because it is not needed. They need me!”

“NO!” He storms forward and stands over me. “They need ME. You wonder why I have not existed as long as you or Lust. Because I am the one they need. I would not exist without their creation of me.”

Lust helps me to my feet, allowing me hang on their shoulders of fire.

“What could they possibly need from you more than Love?”

“The desire the Luxury of life. The Luxury of peace. The Luxury of endless wealth. They desire the Luxury to not suffer. They need me in every single part of their lives. All you have ever done was show up and leave. You have barely been down here until you saw the ATM balance was low. And now look at you. And you, Lust.” They eye Lust from head to toe and back up. “You should be grateful for me. I boost your essence. You and I can rule everything.”

“I would never leave our sibling in this manner. You should be ashamed of yourself.”

With a final smug smile, Luxury says, “I have the Luxury of not being shamed.”

As fast as they appeared, they were no longer there. I still clung to Lust. I look around me once more. How did this come to be? To the point where the humans feel they do not need me. Nature knows though. I am only surviving for that fact alone

I whisper, “Do they not know that without me there will only be chaos? That they will cease to exist if I am no longer a part of them?”

Lust watches me intensely, “Without you, there will not be any of us left. Luxury included.”

We take a step back into our realm. I watch the ATM show my essence further depleting. Now that I know who is behind this, I need a new plan to make Luxury see the dangerous game they are planning or, I must get rid of them altogether. 

August 20, 2022 00:34

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