And Now You're Dead and Going to Hell

“W—where am I?”

           It was dark, so dark she couldn’t see an inch in front of her face.

           She tried to move, but…

She couldn’t move…she couldn’t feel…not her feet on the ground, not her ass in a chair, not her hair on her shoulders…or even the temperature of the air on her skin. She tried to speak but had no sensation of lips to move or articulate.

           “But I can think…right? I am thinking. I can think…so I must—”

           “So, you must exist…”

           “Who said that?”

          Something appeared, a creature with layers of jagged yellow teeth was smiling at her.

           “Wh—who are you?”

           "I am Charon."

"What do you want? Where am I?"

           The creature blinked and looked around. His eyes were black specks on a ghostly paled face. His body, naked and elongated, crouched in the nothingness. He cocked his head at Katherine.

           “You are nowhere yet. But you will be somewhere soon. I will take you.”

           “I don’t want to go anywhere where with you! I want to go home. What…what happened? I was walking..."

           He laughed the most unearthly, sickening laugh Katherine had ever heard and then stood. Impossibly long and emaciated, Charon hopped and twirled, like a gleeful child.

           “What are you doing? Where am I?!” Kathrine yelled at the creature causing it to stop mid twirl.

           Cocking his head, still smiling, he explained, “You were hit by a car…taken to the hospital…and now you are dead.” He began to dance again.

           “No…no, I’m not dead…I’m not dead…I’m not—”

           “Dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead…Katherine Brown, you are dead…and now, I will take you to your new home…” He stopped dancing and crouched back down. With his spindly fingers he grabbed the blackness underneath his feet and tore it apart.

           Katherine wished she had hands to cover her ears, or even, ears to be covered, but alas there was no escape from the cacophony of bloodcurdling screams that erupted from the chasm. Pleas from men, women and children surrounded her and she thought she might drown in their sorrow.

           “Please! Shut it! Shut it! I can’t…I can’t take it!”

           “Oh…but this is your new home. It is time…”

           The rip grew larger and larger, and without volition, her perspective floated above the chasm, and she could see within.

           So much terror, the details blurred together, but the longer she was forced to look upon the scene the more she could pick out. A naked woman hung upside down from a cross. Two blue babies hung from her upturned breasts. A man, freed of his skin, sat in a bloody puddle. He looked ahead hopelessly, his arms raised from his sides; he dared not move because any slight movement would send agony throughout his exposed nerves. And there was much, much more. Many other faces distorted with pain and put into obscene devices of torture, but what stood out next was something that effected Katherine far more than any of the other horrors.

           A child. The child stood alone on a rock; a rock surrounded by wolves. The child cried and screamed, but no one would come. There wasn’t much space on the rock, so any time she moved she would nearly slip. A wolf licked his snout below her.

Katherine wanted to close her eyes, but couldn’t, so she just stared at the child, wishing, praying, that she wouldn’t slip.

“What could a child have done to be sent to Hell?”

Charon grinned. “What a special little girl, and I do love telling her story… On this little girl’s fifth birthday her mother said she wanted to go on a special birthday adventure. The little girl was thrilled and eagerly agreed, so they set off into the woods behind their house. Her mother carried a picnic basket, claiming they were to have a nice picnic under her favorite tree. Deeper and deeper into the woods they went until finally they came upon an old, tall pine. Her mother sat down the picnic basket and drew out a bottle of water. She gave it to her daughter and told her to drink, and so she did, but what the little girl didn’t know was that the water had been laced with a sleeping concoction. When the child next woke it was night and it was cold, she was tied to the tree with nylon rope and her mother was nowhere to be seen. She cried out for her mother, but her mother never came. And so, she starved to death.”

Katherine was silent for a moment, staring at the child, who was desperately yelling something incomprehensible. Katherine stared at her lips moving.

“Mother…she is yelling for her mother…”

“Yes,” Charon’s beady eyes shown merrily.

“But…but why is she there? Why is she being punished? I thought children were innocent.”

“Yes…but this girl is special…she chose to go to Hell.”

“W—why?”

Suddenly, Katherine’s view was forced to the right side of the chasm.

“Look between the stockades and the river, yes…there…”

Katherine saw a woman tied to a tree. She was emaciated far past the point of survival. She too was yelling for something.

“What is she saying?”

“Food. She wants food.”

“How did she die?”

“She blew her brains out the day after abandoning her daughter. It turns out she wasn’t any happier with the freedom she so craved.”

“The little girl chose to go to Hell to be with her mother?”

Charon twirled gayly. “Yesssss. It took the girl four days to starve to death and when she finally got here, I allowed her to see her mother…and then I gave her a choice...”

“What was the choice?”

“I told the girl she could go on to Heaven…alone…or she could go to Hell and be with her mother. She of course chose to be with her mother, and I, being a perfectly fair being, was going to send them to the same place to be tortured together for all eternity…however, I also gave her mother a choice…and she chose to be tortured alone…”

“That’s bull shit! You knew the mother wouldn’t want to see her! You damned the little girl for no reason!”

Charon’s smile fell from his face and with a snap the chasm closed.

“Now…it is time to focus on you…”

“I…I am not dead…I—”

Charon, still unsmiling, “Yes...you are…”

“E—even if I were dead…I’m not supposed to go to Hell.”

“No?”

“No! I’ve never killed anyone. I’m a good person!”

“You are? Tell me about your husband and children.”

“W—what about them? I didn’t do anything wrong! Not wrong enough to send me to Hell!”

“That’s for me to decide…now, tell me your story.” Charon sat on an invisible chair. He appeared to be floating. He crossed his long legs and waited.

Katherine scrambled for the right words. “I…I…I…”

“Yesssss?”

“I… My husband ignored me. He worked, he got home, played his video games, went out with his friends, and only showed a passing interest in me when he wanted sex. Ten years and two kids and he forgot that I’m a person with wants, interests and needs. He forgot that I’m interesting, smart, fun… I became an object to ignore or to fuck.”

Charon rubbed his chin. “Go on.”

“So…when another man saw that I was interesting, smart, fun…I—I…we slept together.”

“You cheated on your husband?”

“My husband pushed me away! I was lonely and depressed!”

“Poor…poor, Katherine…”

“It’s true! You can’t punish me for respecting myself…for—for wanting to do what was best for myself! That’s self-love! And it takes a strong person to love and respect themself instead of bending over backwards to please everyone else.”

“What of your children?”

“My children are happy. They have a lovely stepmom that cooks beautiful dinners and buys them designer dresses. They’re a far cry away from being tied to a tree in the woods to starve!”

“Hmm…”

“They are happy and healthy. I didn’t do anything wrong! I am allowed to care for myself!”

“When did you see them last?”

“I—I saw them a few months ago. I’d see them more often, but their dad is an ass. He makes me feel terrible every time. It’s degrading to my mental health!”

“To be around your children?”

“Of course not! But he makes it a miserable experience…it’s like…he’s punishing the girls because he hates me.”

“I see…so when you cheated on your husband…how did you tell him?”

“I knew he’d freak out and yell…I didn’t want to put the girls through that…so I left him…a note.”

“A note?”

“Yeah…because I didn’t want to upset the girls.”

“Right…and after you left the note, how long before you saw your girls again? Or rather…how long before you called them? Heard their voices?”

“My therapist told me to stay away for a while. She told me it was bes—”

“How long?”

“A little while, but again, my therapist tol—”

“Three months. You left your husband a note. You told him you’re leaving him…and you didn’t see or talk to your girls for three months.”

“You’re making me sound horrible, but I’m not! I had to leave and keep my distance for my own good! It was for my mental health!”

“Right…and now you are dead and going to Hell. You were selfish and now you must be punished. I’ll give you back your body, so you can feel all the lovely sensations Hell has to offer.” Charon snapped his fingers, clearly expecting something to happen…but nothing happened. He frowned.

“What? What?”

Charon shook his head. “I can’t get your body… It must be…”

“Still alive? I’m alive!?”

He scowled. “Apparently the surgeons were able to bring you back.”

“I’m alive! I’m alive! Send me back! You have to send me back!”

Charon stood, reached into the blackness and tore. He ripped until a little blue planet could be seen…Earth. At the sight of it, Katherine could have cried.

“Before I send you back…”

“Send me back, Charon! Send me back!”

“Though I delight in seeing you arrogant, bloodthirsty, selfish humans burning and suffering for eternity, I like to be fair…and in fairness, I must warn you. You will be back. A year, ten years, forty…you will be back, and I will send you to Hell.”

“No! What can I do?”

“You must admit that you are selfish. You must admit you have lied, cheated, and abandoned your family. You left your girls for the wolves, and you must see that.”

“I didn’t! I did what was best!”

“Then you will go to Hell, and I will laugh as I watch your skin melt and the vultures peck your bones.”

“No!”

“Admit it, you stupid woman! You are selfish!”

“I’m not!”

“Then you will burn.”

“I…I did…what I had to…”

“You were selfish…but you can change. You have to admit what you have done.”

“Why can’t you see that I did what I had to do?”

“Katherine…this is a fresh start. You must rid yourself of pride and ego. You must see that you tell yourself these lies so that you can maintain a false perception that you are the victim when in reality…you are the perpetrator. If you fail to see this by the time I see you next…you’re mine and you will burn for eternity. Now, go. I have better things to do than argue with you.”

Her view blurred as she rushed past Charon and towards the little blue planet.

And then everything was black.

“Mom? Mom? Are you awake?”

“Donna?” Her mouth was dry, and her throat burned. “Water.”

A straw touched her lips, and she drank greedily. She cracked open her eyes. She was in a hospital room. Her eldest daughter sat next to her holding a cup, and her youngest stood back, tears streaming from her eyes.

“We thought you were dead.”

The youngest came over and knelt next to her. “Mommy, I’m sorry we’ve been so distant. I love you so much and I…I miss you so much…”

Katherine was silent. For a moment, she thought she could hear Charon’s inhuman laughter echoing somewhere in her bruised brain. She looked at her daughters and smiled.

“Sweetheart…you have nothing to be sorry for…I—I’m sorry…”

“Oh, Mommy!”

The girls hugged their mother as they cried together.

After a while, her eldest pulled away, anger in her eyes. “But why did you abandon us? Why did you leave?”

Katherine’s pride shattered into innumerable pieces, but in return her soul was saved.

“Because I was selfish and stupid. I love you girls more than anything and from now on I’m going to act like it. I’m so…so sorry.”

“It’s okay. I forgive you.”

“Me too. I love you, Mommy.”

“I love you too.”

In a world far away, Charon danced.