Winning at Losing

Journal entry: 10/20/2012: Elijah Banks

Let's open with a riddle shall we? What is a list that everyone has yet is almost never written down? Sorry, riddles aren't really my style.  I'm talking about a list of things to do before you die. Kind of morbid right? Well, I have just one thing on my list. Being a New York times best selling author. That's very ambitious of me, trust me, I know. I have been told this by numerous people that think I can't live without they're doubts. Of course, they're wrong.

Journal Entry: 4/10/2013: Elijah Banks

I met the most perfect women today. Wait- is “most perfect” even proper grammar? Does it matter? That is exactly what she is. Perfect. Alexandra Miller is her name. I was waiting in line at Starbucks and there, standing just in front of me, was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She was reading this huge book and suddenly turned around to face me.  I had been talking to my friend and she told me that I had one of the best British accents she had ever heard. First of all, I had absolutely no idea why a girl this gorgeous would ever be speaking to me. Second, how was I complimented on something I have no control of? Anyways, we started talking and after we got our drinks, sat at a table and talked some more. She’s not only impossibly pretty, but she is also wicked smart. Alexandra graduated from Harvard two years ago and is now going through grad school at Oxford. To think I was about to just go through the drive through!

Journal Entry: 4/10/2013: Alexandra Miller

I moved to London in order to be in Oxford’s graduate program to become a microbiologist. Before two years ago, I had never even stepped foot into England. Now, even after all this time, I’m still adjusting. However, the one thing that never gets old is the accents. I know, I know. That is probably the single most stupid thing I’ve said so far in this journal. But, it is one hundred percent true. Just today, I was waiting in line for a coffee when I heard this guy talking. And oh my God! That voice! I’ve gotten compliments on my accent as well, so I knew it wouldn’t be too weird if I complimented him on his. He actually looked kind of frightened when I started talking and blushed like crazy after I commented on his voice. It was actually kind of cute. He asked me if I wanted to chat and I agreed. Elijah is super light-hearted and funny. Or, at least he thinks he’s funny. He kept telling me these super cheesy jokes and I couldn’t help but smile and laugh a little. His only flaw, referencing Star Trek a little too much.

Journal Entry: 8/10/2013: Elijah Banks

I asked her on a date and (get this) she said yes! Okay, calm down Elijah. Let’s back up a little bit. So, yesterday I  texted Alexandra to say good morning and she said “good morning” back. Anyway, a few minutes later I sent her the most articulate and flattering text message ever and she actually said yes! Moving on, we went to The Ledbury for dinner. Turns out we have quite a few things in common. We both love cats, puns, and Lord of the Rings! I was so smooth and cool, I think she’s into me. If it's possible to be in love after just one date, I definitely am!

Journal Entry: 8/10/2013: Alexandra Miller

Remember that guy I talked about a while back? Well, he asked me out yesterday. He sent me a message that said, “Dear Alexandra, you are the most beautiful woman I have ever met. Want to go out with me tomato?” Then a follow up that said, “Sorry, auto correct. Tomorrow? I was thinking dinner.” It was kinda cute. I said yes and he took me to dinner and it was really nice! He’s a bit of a nerd. But, it’s one of the things I like about him. As soon as we sat down, he accidentally knocked his fork onto the ground. When he tried to retrieve it, he almost knocked the whole table over! I was just trying not to laugh the entire time. Turns out we both like cats and Lord of the Rings! He kept telling me these puns like, “Can I tell you a joke about pizza? Nah, it’s too cheesy!”. 

Journal Entry: 9/3/2013: Alexandra Miller

Elijah just gave me my first piece of jewelry since we started dating! Or at least I’m counting it as jewelry. He got me the One Ring from Lord of The Rings and put it on a gold chain. Elijah gave it to me while we had brunch at his house! In other news, I graduated from grad school! Now, I’m working as a microbiologist! 

Journal Entry: 6/13/2014: Elijah Banks

I asked Alex to marry me last night!!!!!!!! Was that enough exclamation marks? I can’t stop smiling! We were in Disneyland and I popped the question during the fireworks show! My palms were sweating so much I thought I was about to drop the ring! I just knelt down, gave a little speech about how she was the best thing that ever happened to me, and opened the ring box. After three excruciating seconds, she said yes! 

Journal Entry: 12/20/2014: Alexandra Miller

Today is our wedding day! We’re getting married today in this church surrounded in snow. It’s so beautiful! Elijah keeps moving things around, I think he’s worried I’m going to leave him at the altar. I keep hearing from my bridesmaids that Elijah won’t stop pacing and talking about this book he’s writing called “To Clone a Cat”. They don’t think he has cold feet though, which is good news. There’s my cue to go! Wish me luck!

Journal Entry: 1/18/2015: Elijah Banks

I can’t believe I’m married! Alex and I got back from our honeymoon a few days ago. Guess what? We got a cat! His name is Frodo. It’s been a while since I’ve talked about my bucket list, so that’s what I’m going to do today. To Clone a Cat is going pretty well. I’m just over a third of the way done! My characters are still figuring out how to clone Alex. (I named the cat after my Alex) I’m not quite sure how she feels about that though. Anyway, the dream isn’t dead! 

Journal Entry: 2/20/2015: Alexandra Banks

Married life is going well! Work is great and so is Elijah. Every day for the past two months, he’s been making me breakfast in bed on the weekends! He even brings some bacon and a saucer of milk for Frodo. Speaking of cats, I heard he named a cat after me in his book. I can’t tell whether to be flattered or not. Anyway, it’s super sweet. Besides, any complaints I have about it are buried by hot weekend pancakes!

Journal Entry: 4/11/2015: Elijah Banks

I looked online and discovered that the best way to complete your dreams is to set a daily goal for yourself. So, I figure that if I write 1,000 words a day, I should be done writing by Christmas! 

Journal Entry: 5/6/2015: Alexandra Banks

Elijah stopped making me breakfast last month. Apparently, he wants to spend his weekend mornings working on his book. I guess that’s a good thing for him. I mean, I really liked waking up to breakfast with him. Elijah and I would always eat and talk for hours while the sun rose. Now, when I wake up, I’m greeted by him typing away on his computer at the desk. It’s not like he’s gone or anything though. We still have the rest of the day!

Journal Entry: 5/22/2015: Elijah Banks

I’m halfway through! I know, I know. It’s only been a few months since I was only a third done. But, I’ve really been devoting a lot more time to it and that definitely helps. I’m writing 3,000 words a day now. Alex has been super supportive. 

Journal Entry: 6/1/2015: Alexandra Banks

Elijah has decided to work on his book for around 6 hours every day on the weekends. Should I be worried? Elijah’s friend from work called while I was at the lab and asked me where Elijah was. Apparently, he skipped work to write. He’s getting kind of obsessed with this. When I asked him about what happened, he told me I wasn’t being supportive enough. 

Journal Entry: 6/28/2015: Elijah Banks

Almost finished! 

Journal Entry: 7/5/2015: Alexandra Banks

Okay, now I’m officially worried. Elijah still eats breakfast with me on week days and that’s fantastic. But after work, he barely even speaks to me. All he does is disappear into our bedroom and write. I miss my best friend. He says he is close. I think that's good. Maybe once that stupid book is published I’ll get my husband back. At least I still have the cat.

Journal Entry: 18/20/2015: Alexandra Banks

I married an idiot. Need more context? Elijah quit his job yesterday! Still need more info? He did it WITHOUT asking me so he could focus on his book about cloning a cat. Look, it isn’t the money I’m worried about. I’m paid enough to support the both of us. But still, quitting your job is something a couple should discuss first. Sometimes it feels like I’m just hanging onto the guy I fell in love with.

Journal Entry: 18/20/2015: Elijah Banks

I think I may have screwed up with Alex. I quit my job so I could focus on the book. She yelled at me for a half hour about how I should have discussed this with her. Honestly, I don’t see the huge fuss. It’s not like we’re going to have any problems financially because of it. Anyways, I finished To Clone a Cat! Now, all there's left to do is finish up the last bit of editing and find a publisher!

Journal Entry: 2/8/2016: Alexandra Banks

At the risk of repeating myself: I married an idiot. Albert Einstein once said, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” In that case I suppose I must be crazy. For the past two months, Elijah has stayed holed up in our room writing. He almost never sleeps and only emerges from his "den" to get food. It feels like I'm losing him. Right, back to the crazy bit. I've talked to him almost every morning about this. But, every night I get lulled to sleep by the sound of keyboard typing and every morning the sun rises paired by the bright screen of his computer. He thinks I've abandoned him. But the truth is, I'm just afraid of losing the man I love to a book.

Journal Entry: 2/15/2016: Elijah Banks

I found a publisher! And guess what? The book’s doing well! I think Alex may be upset with me though.

***

“I thought you believed in me!” Elijah exclaimed.

“That’s not fair,” Alexandra responded loudly.

The couple stood in their living room on opposite sides of the coffee table where Frodo was laying. The tabby cat’s eyes moved back and forth as his owners took turns speaking and yelling.

“Alex, this is my dream!”

“I thought we were supposed to be your dream. What about us Elijah? Because lately, I’m having trouble recognizing the goofy, nerdy guy I fell in love with.”

Elijah only scoffed and turned away. Suddenly the mobile  rang loudly on the table, causing Frodo to jump in the air with surprise. Alexandra scooped up the cat quickly and began stroking it. Whether she was comforting the cat or herself, Alexandra herself wasn’t even sure.

“You need to choose. Me, or the book,” said Alexandra over the sound of the mobile .

“Alex-” Elijah said slowly.

“Wrong answer.”

Alexandra turned around, Frodo in hand, and slammed the door of the house behind her. 

“Damn it,” Elijah whispered under his breath and sighed. 

He sunk into an armchair. He knew this was it. He knew he had lost the one person he loved the most. Elijah was jerked back to reality at the continuing loud ringing of the mobile . He picked up the mobile  and held it to his ear.

“Elijah?” Elijah’s publisher asked.

“I’m calling to tell you that you are the New York Times best seller! Congratulations! You must be so happy!”