Content Warning:
This story contains mild language, references to grief, emotional burnout, verbal mistreatment in a workplace setting, and themes of depression and dissociation.
I’d worked a dozen jobs in just a few years. Life got lifey, I suppose. All around me, people moving on...making progress. There I was, stuck in the past and wishing for an exit. I’d given up hoping it would be an easy one.
My mom always told me to get ahead, you had to work hard. I’d done that, but was too damaged, too real. Too gullible really. I’d been used up and torn down...all in a day’s work. Until the losses piled up so high I couldn’t see over them anymore. And I stopped trying.
There I sat with it all. Too long: time got away from me. All those fake friends ambled on to greener pastures. To hell with them, I thought.
Then one day, she walked into my life. She was the sun and the grass after the rain. I could barely breathe.
I remember thinking how sorry it was for her to see me this way. Like this. Getting on in life, more lines than I cared to count. Less hair.
Holes for eyes.
I went back to my nonexistence. No way she would look my way anyhow.
Then she did. And my hands were slick with sweat.
She smiled. Coyly at first, then looked away.
I remember looking around a bit, confused and wondering who she was looking at that way.
But there was no one else there.
I saw her laugh a little, as she looked up at me from under her brows. Then she turned and walked out of the store.
I let go of the breath I’d been holding, forgotten until that moment. I shook myself a little, as another customer walked in and straight to the counter.
“Yeah bruh, your toilet’s tanked. You gotta do something.” Ah damn.
Spell broken, I shuffled off toward the cleaning supplies, grabbing a mop. This would be my favorite part of the night, I thought with a bit more bite than I could usually muster.
Mopping up the last of the mess, I heard a low noise at the door. When I looked up, she was standing there, watching me work.
The look on her face was…wistful, almost.
“Help you, Miss?” My face must’ve looked a sight.
She smiled and said, “I was just thinking I could help you.”
I know I must’ve looked confused, I sure felt confused. “Come again?”
“Well, I’ve been watching you, you know. You seem so sad”, she looked me full in the face with a light behind her eyes I can’t really describe.
My breath caught at her beauty. I think I stammered something, but not sure what. I felt a little drunk, to be honest.
Her gaze was too radiant. I dropped my eyes, letting them land on a small brooch pinned just above her heart. To give my heart a moment to slow down, I looked closer.
It was some kind of bird, I thought. But the colors were so vibrant, it almost looked real. I felt dazzled.
Then just as quickly as she came, she was gone.
My hands were shaking so bad, I had dropped my mop. I bent down to pick it up out of habit and when I straightened, she wasn’t there.
I sat down hard. The breath just rushed out of me. I wasn’t sure if I had imagined her, but it felt so real.
Slowly, I started to wonder how long I’d been sitting there. Cussing under my breath, I got up and went back in the store.
No one was there waiting for me or calling the owner, so I guess no harm done. There was, however, a car parked at pump number 3. No one in sight. O...kay...
I checked the surveillance footage, but didn’t see anyone getting out of the car. By the footage, it had been there since before my shift started.
That couldn’t be. There was no one there when I got to work that night. It had been deader than usual.
I would’ve noticed a red Chrysler parked there. No way I would’ve missed that.
One thing about working a gas ‘n go in the middle of nowhere: it was a perfect place to disappear when you stopped giving a crap about anything or anyone.
Craig had said there hadn’t been a single customer all day.
This wasn’t unusual. Hell, I often wondered how they even stayed open, not that they paid me much.
But this? This was beyond weird.
I stood there for an eternity, waiting for anyone to show up. Like they were just going to walk down that long highway back to their car that had been sitting there all day, according to the footage.
I could’ve sworn someone had gassed up at that very pump earlier. But the cameras couldn’t lie, could they?
I don’t know what I was thinking, but I walked out there to see if anyone was in the car.
No one was there. I felt the hood. It was warm.
I couldn’t quite work that out. I’d been watching it sit for a long while before coming out. If the cameras weren’t lying, it had been there all day.
It was early Spring, with frost still on the ground most mornings.
Shaking my head and pulling my hand back, I took a long look around me.
Nothing was amiss. There were no sounds above the ordinary. I couldn’t see a single set of headlights on the highway.
I blinked hard, trying to reset the moment.
Suddenly, a little gray tabby curled around my ankles, looking for attention and food. I knew she had a litter somewhere near by, so I always kept a small bag of food in my cargo pocket for when I saw her.
She was the bright spot to my days.
After feeding her, I turned to go back inside and heard a rooster crowing in the distance.
As I stood there, the darkness began to lighten, and I could just see a glimmer on the horizon of what was to come.
It couldn’t have been later than 2 in the morning, I was certain. I ran back inside to look at the time.
It was already almost 7 AM.
That caught me so far off guard, I stumbled and almost fell over the display beside the counter. Craig was sure to be in any moment. And I hadn’t done most of my shift duties.
Well, he was going to be pissed.
Where had the damned time gone? How did it get so late?
The room spun a little. I grabbed the counter hard and grounded myself.
I wandered in a daze back to my area behind the counter and started to tick off the chores, running on autopilot by that point.
I saw Craig’s Tundra pull up, Honky-Tonk pouring out the cracked window, along with a cloud of smoke.
I kept working quietly, still trying to think through where the night had gone and all the strangeness.
I looked out to see Craig stomp over to the trash bin and kick it. Ah hell, I hadn’t yet taken the garbage. The set of his shoulders and jaw telegraphed his mood. As he strode purposefully toward the door, my eyes lit on the Chrysler, still sitting there. Craig had walked right by it and didn’t spare it a glance.
Oh, he was pissed alright.
He slammed through the door like he owned the place, which he did.
“What the hell, Art? Did ya sleep through your shift? You ain’t done nothin’!”
Have I mentioned I really don’t like Craig? I mean, he’s the worst.
“Yeah, sorry about that. I’ll finish it up before I leave”, I mumbled. I thought that might cool him down.
I was wrong.
“You’re ‘bout the sorriest excuse of a man I ever seen. Not like the job's hard, but you still can’t do it, can ya?”
I could feel my jaw and my fists tightening. I jammed them in my pockets to kill the temptation to deck the guy. Something hard poked my right hand.
Relaxing my fist, I gingerly felt the object, hard and pokey. One part was curved.
Keys?
“There you are jus’ starin' dumbly at me. Cain’t you hear me talkin' to you, boy—” Craig’s voice faded as I pulled the object out and saw that, yes, it was a key on a key chain. A star on one side, “Chrysler” embossed on the other.
The key chain was the likeness of a bird—a phoenix.
I realized it was the same image I’d seen on the girl’s brooch.
Craig’s voice was muted, but he was clearly yelling. I kept turning the key over in my hand, while everything that had happened turned over in my mind. I was missing something.
I started thinking about everything I’d lost. Then I started thinking about everything I’d given up while working this job.
Friends didn’t fade; I walked out on them.
My dog had been sick, and I’d had to leave him to go to work. Craig had threatened to fire me if I didn’t.
I’d come home to find my dog had passed in the night.
I’d loved that dog.
I’d stopped even trying to climb out of the fog that surrounded me.
My mom had died, and Craig had been a complete shit, threatening me again with being fired if I left to go to her funeral.
Her funeral, for crying out loud.
And I had taken it. I’d been so shut down; I’d just taken it.
Turning the shiny key over in my hand, the phoenix glinted, catching a ray of light.
Everything clicked into place.
My mind set. I uttered the words that had been itching to burst through my lips for months.
“You know what? I quit.” My voice was calm and direct.
The look on Craig’s face could have blistered paint. I hadn’t thought that skin even came in that shade of red.
“What the hell you mean, you quit?” He literally spit the words at me, flecks flying in every direction.
“Just what I said, Craig. Shove it.” I was proud of how clear my voice was, my spine straightening as I said those words.
Then I walked out. Stepping around him as he dropped his mouth open a few times, no doubt trying to find words to call me back.
He couldn’t find anyone else willing to put up with his crap. Oops, guess he had to figure that out by himself.
I chuckled a bit at that thought. Then grew a little nervous again as I approached the car. What if I’d been wrong?
I slid the key in the door lock, holding my breath. It turned like butter. Relief washed over me.
I had no idea where I was going, but I knew it was better than where I’d been.
I sat down and closed the door behind me, putting the key in the ignition and cranking the engine.
It purred as it came to life. A slight flurry in my peripheral, I turned to look full on into the beautiful girl’s eyes who was now sitting in the passenger seat, looking expectantly at me. They were bright green, with little flecks of gold flaming out.
She smiled and laid her hand on mine. “I knew you’d find your way, but I had to nudge you a bit.”
I smiled, a real smile for a change, “Yeah, I guess you did. Thank you.”
“Where do you want to go?” She smiled eagerly, waiting for my answer.
“I don’t care honestly, as long as it’s anywhere but here.”
I threw the car in drive and pulled out onto the highway, passing a sign that said, “You’re now leaving Idle Junction”. I couldn’t help but smile.
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