A Glimpse Through Her Eyes

I hated her. The mere thought of her elicited tears of anger out of me. I detested her existence and literally cursed the day that we met each other. And, given the choice, I would have wanted her to disappear, just completely disappear from my sight so that I will no longer be reminded by the hellish days that I have spent near her. How can she bear to ruin another girl’s school days? Have she even considered me as her classmate or even as a human being like her, or was I just a mere easy victim for a bully like her?

But one day…one single day has given me a glimpse about who she is really is…

That fateful day started with a headache, a sharp tingling pain that woke me up from my slumber. And then, it was so sudden. With a distinct jolt as I closed my eyes, a scene flashed through my mind. And when I opened my eyes again, I saw a completely different bedroom! It was not my room! This one is definitely more shabby, messy and crowded than mine. I soon realized that I am seeing the scene through someone else’s eyes. It was evident when that ‘body’ went to the mirror and gaze at herself. And the shock made me froze. The face that stared back at me from the mirror was the last face that I ever wanted to see when I wake up. It was her. That girl. The one that haunts both my nightmares and reality. Why can I see through her eyes?

After a few minutes of silent contemplation, I realized that I can only see what she sees, but not control her body. It seems as if I am an audience, watching a scene unfold before me. It was perplexing. I kept asking myself why such an unusual thing is happening to me. I have never wished nor prayed to see things from her perspective. I am not interested to know who she is nor what she does with her life. She is nothing but a stranger to me.

My reverie was broken when someone opened the door to ‘her’ room. A small little boy peeked through the wooden door, sniveling in his dirty and tattered shirt. I can only assume that he was ‘her’ little brother. I wasn’t aware that she has a sibling, although I don’t really care. The boy tiptoed inside the room and with a tiny and feeble voice asked his sister where the food is and that she is hungry. The girl replied that she still has to buy some cheap noodles at the store. The little boy then asked her where their mother is. It took her a couple of minutes before she replied that their mother have left very early to work in the market. As ‘she’ left her room to prepare food for herself and her brother, it dawned on me that her day starts off really early, compared to mine. It was barely 5AM and she has already done several household tasks, unlike me who will be just lazing around on my bed until it is time to prepare for school.

With a sudden jolt, I was back on my own body. I blinked my eyes furiously, a bit disoriented from the sudden transition and wondering whether what I have witnessed was real or just a hallucination. Was I really able to see through her eyes? Or was I just imagining those things? But it felt so real…

Uneventful hours passed by. Until…while watching TV, I felt the same sharp headache and knew that I would be experiencing it again. It felt oddly familiar as the scene in front of my eyes blurred and transitioned, as if transporting me to another world, a world starkly different from mine. My worst enemy somehow has already left her house and is now in the public market. I can see that her mother was beside her as they tried to convince customers to buy the fishes that they sold. I have never really liked the wet public market. It smells so fishy and dirty, and just through her eyes, I can already feel the stench at the public market. It was an unpleasant feeling and I cannot imagine how she and her mother can bear to stay at such a place for hours. While taking a break due to lack of customers, her mother asked her whether she needs some extra money for school projects or supplies. And she softly responded that she doesn’t need the money. And yet, I knew that our class had several projects that required us to buy some things. Why didn’t she tell her mother about it?

Some familiar voices echoed from nearby. The voices of our other female classmates. I felt embarrassed for ‘her’ as a group of our classmates intentionally walked near the market stall where she and her mother sold their fishes. The malicious and teasing looks in their eyes were evident. And even though those looks weren’t meant for me, I felt sickened nonetheless. These are the same girls whom ‘she’ associated with at school but why are they treating her so cruelly, even in front of her mother? Even though I can’t see ‘her’ facial expression, for some reason, I can feel that she was sad. And at that moment, I felt that in some ways, the two of us were similar.

In a blink, I was back to seeing from my own eyes. The scene on the public market had fizzled almost instantly, and even if it was the second time that it happened to me, it still felt surreal and unreal. It was the last time that I saw her life through her eyes. It never happened again.

Did I change my opinion of ‘her’ after gaining a glimpse of her daily life? Nope. I still dislike her. And even if I became aware that she has her own struggles, I still find it difficult to comprehend why she would bully someone weaker than her. I still see her at school with that group of girls that sneered at her at the public market. She was acting as if nothing had happened. Was the way she bullied others an expression of revenge or defiance for the harsh life that she is experiencing? Was it her own way of escaping the problems at her home? With a glimpse at her life through her eyes, more questions have popped up on my mind. I hated her but somehow I wanted to know more about her.