Scent Memory

The car still had his smell in it. It reminded her of the times she would jump in the back seat, and he’d head out of town to a meadow or hiking trail where she would be free to chase sticks and her Lulu ball under the sun. Sometimes Honey Dear would come with them. She and Man would bring a picnic; tossing small bites of summer sausage or baby carrots at Lulu while she sat, panting, on the blanket with them.

His scent was faint. It was difficult to separate from the flood of other smells: the hot air blowing through the vents, bringing in the smells of the road, the sweet scent of Honey Dear as she navigated the car carefully amongst weekend traffic, the new, still unfamiliar, smells of Baby’s skin and breath. (Honey Dear had just dropped Baby off with Mother.) Also, like a distant bird’s cry, Lulu could smell a thunderstorm making its way across the hills. Storms always frightened her.

Finally, she was able to pinpoint the whisper of Man’s scent. His old scent, not the smell of sickness that had overwhelmed the house before he went away and didn’t come back. It was Man the way he smelled long ago, when she was a meek little puppy who had watched her siblings be taken away, leaving her alone in a tiny cage. He had heard her whimper and was immediately drawn to her. Patting her gently he fed her treats and spoke to her softly while they drove back to his apartment. Lulu was happy she found this memory; her tail began to wag.

Honey Dear slumped a little lower in her seat. Lulu could smell her tears although she wept quietly. Ever since Man had gone away, she cried a lot. She’d cried before then, but it was different. Shortly after Man and Lulu had left the apartment and moved into a house with Honey Dear, the human had come out of the bathroom and shown Man a stick she held in her hands. Man’s face immediately opened into a smile and Lulu could smell his surprise and joy. Honey Dear, tears flowing, allowed herself to be pulled onto the bed with them. Lulu, excitedly let out a series of happy barks.

“I told you Lulu would be happy for us!” Man said.

At this point, Lulu was furiously sniffing the stick, which had fallen out of Honey Dear’s hand onto the bed sheets. The two looked at her and laughed. Lulu wagged her tail.

In the time that followed many new smells introduced themselves: fresh paint that Man and Honey Dear spent a weekend applying to the walls in the small bedroom next to the one they slept in, miniature bedsheets and tiny clothes that were washed with a different soap than what Man and Honey Dear usually used on their own laundry, and boxes containing furniture that filled her nostrils with a cut wood smell which she would savor as Man crouched on the floor, swearing at a piece of paper.

Honey Dear smelled of hormones and hand cream and contentment. She had always been a kind, soft-spoken person. Now there was a tranquil layer that somehow wrapped around her and gently hung in the room after she left. Of course, once her abdomen had grown large, Lulu  found some of those smells were replaced with discomfort and sweat and irritability. However, Honey Dear was always kind to Lulu and was happy to push herself out of a chair and shuffle over to open the sliding door, allowing the dog to venture into the yard.

Man’s scent changed too. There was happiness and apprehension, worry and joy, and something else she couldn’t quite identify. It was sour and smelled nothing like Man’s other smells. As the days moved along the smell became more distinct. Even after Baby arrived with all of her new and wonderful scents, the smell was there, hanging like a miasma around him. This smell would later be named “Tumor” by Man and Honey Dear. Lulu was pretty sure it was the reason that Man went away.

Honey Dear drove past one of the parks Man used to take them to. The first time Lulu had met Honey dear was in a park, but that one was in the city. She was still a puppy then. Man would take her there and lead her around by the leash. People would smile down at her as she weaved around Man’s legs. One sunny day, Lulu was distracted by the smell of hot dogs being sold out of a cart. She ran through Man’s legs causing him to stumble backward, knocking into a woman.

“I’m so sorry,” Man said immediately.

“It’s okay,” replied Honey Dear.

“This little girl is full of energy.”

“She is. How long have you had her?” Honey dear bent down and patted Lulu’s head gently. Lulu threw herself on the ground and rolled on her back. Honey Dear gently rubbed her belly.

“About two months.”

“She certainly is friendly.”

“She’s a sweetheart.”

The two people stood there and spoke some more, and then even more as Honey Dear joined them for their walk around the park. (Lulu had to pull on her leash and let out a little yip to get Man’s attention.) After their stroll, the three of them stood on the sidewalk. Lulu was anxious to get home to her dinner.

“I guess we should go,” said man.

“Yeah,” said Honey Dear, “It was nice talking to you.”

The two stood there, gazing at each other until Honey Dear turned to go and Lulu let out a big whimper.

“Did I forget to say goodbye to you, Lulu!”

“I think she’s asking for your phone number.”

Through the windows Lulu could see the evening sky transformed by storm clouds. They passed mostly trees and fields. Honey Dear was still quietly weeping when the phone rang.

“Hi.”

A woman’s voice came through the speakers.

“Hey Jess!”

“Hi Bex.”

“Listen. Josh is off with his brothers tonight and I thought maybe you and the little one could stop by and keep me company. I’ve popped a lot of popcorn and I’m ready to stream the most vacuous reality show of your choice!”

“Sorry. I… I dropped Ava off at my mom’s…” Honey Dear looked toward the back seat and Lulu for the first time since leaving Baby with Mother. “I have a… errand.”

“Errand?”

“Yeah, I’ve got to sign some papers.”

“You’re signing papers on a Friday night?”

“Uh yeah. I don’t want to think about them all weekend.”

Lulu heard the woman exhale. “Are you okay Jess?”

“We both know that I’m not and probably won’t be for a long time.”

“I meant to be by yourself. Are you in the car?”

“I gotta do something tonight Bex. I’m fine. I’ll call you tomorrow morning.”

“What papers can’t wait until Monday?”

“These. I’ll call you later!”

The other woman started to speak again but was silenced with the push of a button.

They drove in silence. Big drops of rain had started to splash against the windshield when Lulu heard the car’s voice say, “In five hundred feet, turn right onto Route 14, Billings Road, towards Bensville.”

They drove for another few minutes when, with a startling suddenness, the rain fell hard, crashing on the roof and hood of the car as if being hurtled from the sky like tennis balls. The windshield became a gray sheet. Honey Dear slowed down but did not stop. Lulu lowered herself to the seat; fear shot through her body. Slowly and dutifully, Honey Dear obeyed the car’s directions. Stopping the car when finally it proclaimed, “You have arrived, Hillside Animal Shelter.”

Honey Dear opened her door and stepped into the cascading storm. A flash of lightning briefly illuminated her silhouette as she came around the front of the car. The rain continued to drum on the roof in ways that caused naked panic to bloom in a dog’s heart. The back door opened, and Honey Dear’s bedraggled figure leaned into the back seat. She spoke in that sad/happy voice she had recently started using with Baby.

“Come on out Lulu.”

Lulu just looked at her.

She slipped her finger under the dog’s collar and gently tugged her towards the open door. Lulu wouldn’t move. After a few more tries, Honey Dear gave up and grabbed the leash off of the passenger seat, hooking it to her collar. She tugged and tugged but Lulu only whimpered.

“Come on Girl! Please!” she said. “Time to get out of the car!”

Lulu could not make herself move toward the door.

Honey Dear began to tug harder. “Please!” she cried.

Lulu was frozen to the seat. She looked at Honey Dear, a dark shape standing in an unknown parking lot. The lot began to flood as Honey Dear pulled at her more frantically.

One night, before Man went away and did not come back, Lulu found him sitting alone on the cool floor of the bathroom. She nudged him with her nose, and he gently patted her on the head. She licked away his tears and he replied with a weak laugh.

The rain kept on falling. Honey Dear was shivering from the cold. Another flash of lightning and a loud thunderclap drove Lulu whimpering to the floor of the car. The hood of Honey Dear’s raincoat fell from her head. Rain pelted her but she persisted. More lightning burned through the sky.

She lay next to him on the bathroom floor. He placed his hand on her back. They stayed like that the rest of the night. Lulu would have stayed forever if he’d wanted her to.