A fork in the Nest

(content warning: language)

When Miguel got home that night he had but one plan. The sun had already set and the new moon was visible in the night canvas. He was tired and hungry and all he could think about was dinner. He got out of his and for a moment seemed to be lost at perfectly aligned constellation in the dark sky. He looked at the dim lit porch light where a few buzzing moths had gathered. His thoughts wandered to the previous night and what Becca had told him.

He continued to walk through the narrow path by the yard bypassing the orchids and lilies in the pots. He quickly came to a conclusion that he would address her concerns and maybe the tense couple of days they had been having would ease off.

On his way home he could not stop thinking about it. The thought of a sexless marriage ate through him like a bark beetle gnawing through a log. The bites minute but each one building to the next until the wood is full of holes. He was miserable and he knew not what was right or wrong.

“What should I say? Or better yet what can I say? I don’t know. I really don’t know” he pondered.

All over his head the scalp burned with uncertainties of thought. He was so engulfed by his feelings that he almost missed the exit to his street. He had to brake hastily indicating and quickly shifting to the right lane at the split with his wheels running over the white road markings.

**

When Becca got out of the car she was still working out the plan. She felt it was useless to come up with a plan now after her outburst yesterday but was convinced that Miguel would be ready with his own plan and she needed to get ahead of him. 

“A difficult conversation was unavoidable after everything that had happened last night” she thought.

“But…maybe maybe if we can talk about it without shouting and swearing? I will try to hold back and not say anything bad this time.” she continued. 

When she pulled to the driveway the garage was empty. Miguel‘s car was not yet in the driveway parking nor on the street where he sometimes parked. This was slightly surprising but not uncommon. She knew Miguel worked short days on Friday but today he was late. 

Rebecca struck with curiosity returned to her thoughts expecting an even longer night. She knew him well and whenever he is troubled he buried himself in work. The thought as sudden as it came, left her and she shrugged it off but not before it had set off some irritable sensations in her.

The mailbox with 2543 was stacked with packages and letters. She slowly pulled them out, scanning through for something important. She walked briskly and made her way to the front porch where another, small square box leaned on the door frame. 

She entered the house immediately removing her shoes, and making her way straight to the bedroom to shower. She got out, checked her phone and went to the kitchen to prepare dinner or at least to see what was there before ordering something.

It was not until 7:45 that she heard Miguel’s truck pull up on the driveway. The vivid engine roaring sounds were accompanied by bright lights that peered through the kitchen windows. She was so familiar with those sounds but today her heart suddenly began to race. It almost skipped a bit with uneasiness and dread at the same time. 

The door swung open as Miguel walked with a noticeable grin behind his light brown eyes. He put his bag and keys by the door and started to approach her. She kept watching all his movements as he walked towards her still smiling.

“Hey ?” he said with a low voice as he leaned down to kiss her forehead.

She could smell a worn out, faded cologne that still lingered on his collar when his lips touched her head. She noticed the prevalent wood fragrance that was warm and elegant. She was captivated once again just like the day she picked the bottle at the store.

“Hey..” She said. “You smell good.”

“Thank you, Maam” he said. 

“My wife got me this lady killer cologne. You should meet her sometime she has good taste” he added with a full grin this time.

“Ow you are a married one?” she inquired with one eyebrow lifting. 

He walked to the kitchen and grabbed the cookie box on the counter. 

“Traffic is so bad on Fridays” Miguel complained. “And I have to work extra for this new project we just started. ” he stopped raising his hand full of cookie pops to his mouth.

“How was your day? Miguel grumbled with a mouthful.

“It was good nothing new. I saw Bailey today she looks better, the cast is off but she still needs a walking stick” she said noticing his flushed face when she turned at him.

“That’s good. Glad she’s doing better” he said

“I’m gonna take a quick shower and we can eat. Be right back” he added.

**

The food arrived soon and was rushed to the table by Miguel. He could not withhold his ravenous instincts that had been urging him to eat. He had an early lunch at work due to meetings and now he was famished.

The night went on with minuscule conversations at the table. They chatted over each other transitioning from one story to the next. He asked about the weather, her office and the gym. She countered with long answers and work related questions. The both avoided the obvious, trying hard to push each other to start. 

It was a game of who will start, each one avoiding the plan they had come up with a few hours before. The table was evenly matched and no one dared to tip the scale. The stalemate was not a permanent position but a comfortable one.

After they had watched their favorite show, the unavoidable could not be delayed any further. Becca cleared her throat and took another sip of the red wine. And then with her soft and gentle voice she started.

“Have you thought about what we talked last night?” she asked. “Do you feel like talking about it?”

Her question became a curtain drop to the show they had been putting on that night. The smile he had worn all night vanished from his face. His eyes lit up and she noticed the change in him. She did not know if it was a good or bad change but something was definitely brewing inside him. She assumed her defense bracing herself for the fated outcome.

“Yes” he said pausing to drink from the same wine glass she had.

“While I think you have a point I don’t agree that we are a sexless marriage. A dry spell here and there doesn’t mean we are sexless. I think every couple goes through this sometimes and we just need to figure out why now and what changes to make.” he continued

“You haven’t touched me in two months, Miguel.” she said her voice slightly raised. 

“What woman, no what wife would be okay when her husband is not touching her. You don’t initiate any intimacy, I want to be touched, Miguel.” She insisted.

“What do you mean? He cut in. “I touch you everyday, I kiss you in the morning and at night I touch your boobs almost everyday” 

“You know what I mean” she said.

“No! I don’t. So please tell me” he said. 

“You know exactly what I’m saying.” She shrieked. “We haven’t had sex and you haven’t been interested. You keep falling asleep or saying it’s a weekday or some other excuse how am I supposed to live with that?” 

The tension was growing slowly before she erupted. She could feel that things were getting out of hand, she was losing control. She did not appreciate his pretense especially when he did not answer straight and truthfully. She raised her hand to her mouth and felt the tears starting to drop on her face.

“Is there another woman, Miguel? Just tell me and let’s not waste each other’s time” Becca said unable to contain her sobbing face as she looked straight at him.

He rose from the sofa and threw his hands up. He paced rapidly from one end of the living room to the kitchen cabinet. He pulled out a short half bottle of bourbon and added two blocks of ice before pouring it. The silent cut through them like knife on butter.

“You always get like this. Yo don’t listen at all to what I say you just make assumptions and then give me shit to deal with.” Miguel said.

“I don’t have another woman. I don’t even have the time for us with how busy I am.” He insisted. “How many times do I have to keep explaining to you?`”

She watched at his enlarged eyes and split forehead. When the words came out of him, his face was contorted with never ending expressions. She sensed he was not being deceitful but her pride did not allow her to accept his words. She could not find a muscle that trusted him at this moment.

“Then why? She asked.

“Why aren’t you touching me? Am I disgusting to you?” she paused. 

“When I see you come home late, smiling and giggling with me but you won’t touch me. Every woman knows. They know deep down something ain’t right. Trust me! I know you’re getting it from some other whore out there.” She emphasized.

“What whore, what fucking whore are you talking about?” he retorted.

“I said I agree with you, and yes we haven’t been intimate but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you, It doesn’t mean I’m cheating either” he said.

He took another sip from his glass and moved back to the couch. He reached out with both hands and touched hers.

“Please! Please stop” he begged. 

“I love you” he said. “Only you and no one else. I know we haven’t been having sex but I still find you attractive. I cherish you”

“Last night..” He began. “Last night we started and I noticed you were spotting so I stopped, I didn’t mean to just cut you off but you know, you know that’s not my style” he continued.

“Of all the nights it had to be last night.” She inquired.

“I’m really frustrated right now, Miguel and I feel like you are just not into me anymore. All we do is work, home eat and go to bed” she said.

“That’s not us that’s not what we are. We used to go dancing on a Tuesday. Now we can’t even go for dinner on the weekends. When you are home you are tired. When you are not you are busy I can’t take it anymore.” Becca continued.

“I want to fuck. I want to Fuck you and I want you to want to fuck me too.” she said.

“Of all the days my period had to start yesterday. Fucking yesterday” she remarked. 

“You know the last time we had sex was sixty days ago I counted. I sat at work today and checked my tracker. That’s a very long time especially if we are sleeping in the same bed. How can I not think you have someone else out there, tell me! How?”

**

Miguel sat there quietly listening to her. The fire he was feeling was starting to burn out. The anger that had lodged on his throat had faded. He couldn’t forgive himself, he had neglected his duties as a man and as a husband. He was helpless

He wandered on and off through the conversation. He remembered the words from one of his favorite podcast. It was a message from an old couple who managed to stay together for a long time ago.

“Love is helpless, love is pain and love is action. It needs to be intentional not just feelings but intentional actions everyday” the couple had said.

He was always busy but never did it cross his mind it will get here. She was right and he was at fault but what could he do now. He collected his thought and waited until she was done talking. He had failed her once and he could not afford to do it again. 

He vowed with his heart to be intentional, to be different. It was obvious to him now that he needed a new plan.