Impeached President, Frank Joppers Farewell Speach

Impeached President Frank Joppers Farewell Speech

To begin with, let me say to all you good people, and my fellow Americans, that today my heart is extremely heavy as I speak with all of you totally awesome people here today. The act which I did was not good at all and should have never happened in the first place, but it did and now I must suffer the consequences from it, which are having to step down from being the most powerful man on this entire planet Earth. Please accept my most humble apologies for my wrong actions. I know now that it was wrong to try and smuggle a lot of illegal drugs up from South America. Even though there is nothing I can do to change what has already been done, hopefully you will find it in your hearts to forgive me for sending those tapes of the conversations between me and Mr. Gorbachev. If there was any way I could push back the hands of time to the point before that incident happened, I most certainly would, but since that is simply not at all possible at this point in time, hopefully you can find it in your hearts to forgive me for my awful crime. Something possessed me and made me commit that heinous crime. I know hindsight is always perfect, but if there was any way for me to go back in time to before that incident ever happened, I most certainly would do it. Unfortunately, that is simply not possible. I have made my bed so now I must lie in it, and speaking of, “lie,” I also apologize for not telling the truth about the affair between Miss Jingleheimer and me. That was also a horrible thing I did and I am not at all proud of it. Actually, my wife, Avory and I still have a really solid relationship with each other. The marriage vows we said, “may this ring keep us together for so long as we both shall live,” were not even thought about when I met Frosty. I allowed the lust of my eyes to take control of my brain which caused me to sin against my wife. The truth is, I really do love Sarra and would do anything in my power to make her be as happy as possible. Yet when that other woman seduced me, those promises we made on our wedding night were thrown right out the window. At any rate, I want to apologize publicly to both her, and this entire country for doing those terrible things to the most important woman in my life, whom I love more then anything in the whole world. Most of all I apologize to my children who know about that and I just pray that none of them will ever give in to temptation the way I did so consequently I ended up sinning. That was a really poor role-model I set both for my own children and every young married couple both in this country, and on the entire planet Earth. I don’t know what came upon me and it possessed me to do those immoral acts with Cathy and Susy. If I had a chance to setback the hands of time, I would definitely do it, but that is not currently possible right at this point in time. My wife is the most beautiful, giving, talented, loving female I have ever been affiliated with in my entire life, so hopefully she can find it in her heart to forgive me because I promace having another affair with any other woman on this entire green Earth will definitely never happen again. It only makes me realize how strong my love for Carol truly is. It would truly be sine nahir mega-coolness if she would forgive me and give me one more chance to provethat my love for her

I’m also aware that none of the presidents we have ever had since General George Wash- ington was in office has there ever been an incident in which the kind of trouble I am in today. I also want to say that I’m deeply sorry for investing so much money into the Penthouse Magazine. It’s just that seeing all those beautiful women in the raw did something horrible to me so I apologize to my wife, Connie because the love I have got for her is still extremely strong just like it was on that glorious night when we both said those 2 magical words which has changed our lives forever, “I do.” Most of all, 1 want to apologize to my children. I do not want them to grow up thinking what I did was right, especially when they think the sun rises and sets on their old dad. I make this solemn pledge to Johnathen, Suzy, Pat, Greg and Amy that I will never under any circumstances do something that was totally inappropriate such as what has already been done between those girls and me. I want my children to know that it was extremely wrong to have an affair with that other woman. Their mom is still the most precious creature that the Lord has ever put life into. I only hope they will love and treat their spouses with the same kind of dignity they deserve. As for my nieces Betsey, Jane, Courtney and Roxanne, I pray the guys they go out with will all be super-great friends to start off with, then that their relationships will flourish and grow into something really special between them, which is every parent’s strongest wish for their children. Yet if the person they’re going out with treats them badly in any way, shape or form, they will be sure to feel the wrath of my bad-side, and believe me, that is definitely not something they would enjoy even the slightest little bit whatsoever.

This is to be my final speech as your president. May you remember all of the good things I have done to make this country be the best it can be. Ever since I’ve been in the office acting as the leader of this great country of ours, it makes my pride bubble up and commend to run- ning over. I really have enjoyed being the most powerful man on this whole planet, at least for a few years anyway, so at any rate, for right now I will end this speech the best way that I know how to, and that is by saying these few standard words that I really do mean with all of my heart by saying, “God bless all of you who came here tonight, and God bless America.”

Sincerely, President Greg Joppers.