JOHN AND MARSHA IN OUTER SPACE

Write a story set in the dark recesses of space where the two main characters are often at odds with each other in humorous and comedic ways

“I swear if there was anyone else on this spaceship, they would help me kill you!”  John said to Marsha.

“Oh, yeah.  If there was anyone else on this ship, they would help me boot your ass right out that escape hatch.  Just think of the endless worlds you could haunt out there.  

John and Marsha had been on board the CHAMELEON collecting data from the various worlds in galaxies in the unexplored section next to their own galaxy.  From day one, John irritated Marsha and Marsha tantalized John.  He couldn’t make any progress flirting with her.  She continued to treat him with cool indifference.

 “So let’s make a pact that we don’t speak unless spoken to.  Therefore, we avoid all semblance of friendship, companionship and camaraderie.”  Marsha suggested.

“Sounds like a plan to me.  I look forward to the peace and quiet that has otherwise escaped me on this mission.” John agreed.

“Ok, No talking, No chit chat, No advising,No criticizing, No snoring, No Nothing.  Complete silence.  Ready?  10-9-8-7-6…” Marsha started the countdown to the new ‘No Talking’ rule.

“Wait, wait.  Can we add No motioning or hand gestures either?” John asked.

“Ok.” she agreed.

“10-9-8…” Marsha started again.

“Wait, wait.  What if there is an emergency situation?  We have to be able to talk freely during an emergency.”  John said.

“OK.  Good point.  Plan suspended during emergencies.  ONLY during emergencies.”  she emphasized.

John said, “I give this plan less than a day before you start your endless chatter.”

“Since you have already broken the silence with your endless “wait, wait”, I think we need to set up some penalty to encourage you to curb your mouth.”  Marsha said.

“Penalty.  What penalty?”  John asked.

“Maybe do the other person’s chores for a part of the day in which the infraction occurred.”  Marsha suggested.

“Ok.  But let’s start over because we are just initiating the plan and I am unclear as to all the rules.”  John said.

“Oh, just shut up and go about your business.  You are so frustrating to deal with.”  Marsha said.  And with that she stomped off down the corridor.

“Well, that went well, John.”  said the Ship’s Computer, Iris.  “I think you are making progress in your romantic quest.  After all, she didn’t throw that wrench at you like she usually does.  You told me, her silences are much worse than her constant “What do you think about .. whatever.  Why would you agree to a complete silence plan””

“I know, but she gets under my skin sometimes. Hell, most of the time, but she’s so damn cute when she’s mad.” John sighed.

Then the Ship’s alarm went off.

“What is it, Iris?”  John asked.

“Incoming ship bearing down on us at 1:00 o’clock.”

John looked out the window and saw a small dot growing bigger as he watched.

“I hope it is some hostile alien and not my boss coming to get this payload that we aren’t ready to upload.”  John said as he raced to the main deck.  

Marsha was already there flipping switches and pounding out something on the computer monitor.

“What is it?”  John asked.

“Unidentified Flying Object.”  Marsh quipped.  “What did you think it is, Command Fleet coming to check up on your lazy ass?”

“Well, I kind of hoped so.  A UFO in outer space rules out the possibility that it’s just swamp gas.”  he said.

“Iris, do you have any idea who or what that is coming towards us at a great speed? He asked.

“I agree with Marsha, it’s a UFO.”  Iris said.

Then the Computer announced, “We have communication channel opening on UFO.”

“Stop calling it a UFO.  This is not the Twilight Zone.  Open up our line.” John said and turned toward the full-wall communication screen.

“Greetings, this is the SS CHAMELEON, Space Registry No. F1F7809.  Please transmit your registry signature.” John demanded.

The interference cleared up on the screen and they found themselves staring at an empty command seat.

The seat said, “This is the ALGREFER.  I am Commander Tsar.  We have no registry signature.  As you can see we have no corporeal bodies either, so appear to be invisible.  We have come to warn you to turn around and cease your exploration of space beyond this point.  From here on out, we control the void and your ship will be compressed to the size of a microdot, if you continue.”

“Our data suggests there are many inhabited worlds beyond this point.  We are only collecting data to use for our scientific research and development of technology.  We are only passing through.” John said.

“There is no passing through.  This is the end of the road for you.  Please turn your ship around and travel back into safer space.”

“We appreciate your concern, but need this data to be collected.  Can you not make an exception for us?”  John asked.

“Are you the Captain of this vessel?”

“Well, I am John McFee, the co-Captain and senior officer.  The other crew member is Marsha Simmons, but I have more experience in actual outer space than she does.  I usually handle unusual situations like this.”  John said.

With this comment, Marsha stepped in front of the screen.  John could tell by her face she wasn’t going to take his little speech without some retaliation.  He only hoped she would wait until after this confrontation was over and they were once again safely on mission.

“Commander, I am Marsha Higgins, co-Captain and senior officer.  My esteem co-Captain doesn’t remember the missions in space I have flown before I came on the CHAMELEON,

“Marsha, let me handle this.  I am sure the Commander would prefer not to deal with a woman.”

“If you don’t turn around right now, you will be reduced to a pinpoint.  At least you won’t have to pump iron to try to impress Marsha anymore.”

“What did you say?” John sputtered and turned red.  He avoided looking at Marsha.

With that Marsha said,  “Thanks, Blodeo, I appreciate the effort you made to give my friend a lesson in looking down on my advice and contribution to our team.

Then a tall, green-skinned man-shape stepped into the viewing area. 

“You owe me, Marsha.  I will collect next time you are on Propasia.  I think it will be more than just a round of drinks this time.”  he said and winked at her.