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Mystery Creative Nonfiction

A Loss of Faith


In 2017 I was employed at two jobs back to back. The first of the two was my dream job - I loved it! It was as an Adult Literacy Practitioner. The reason I was able to fill the position as - I had shown I could do, some of the duties - required of the job - in another venue.  I was asked if I would be interested in filling the spot - temporarily until - someone was found.  I jumped at the chance but eventually and sadly - it came to an end and by that time - I had secured another job.


The second job was a call center job...home-based. Prior to starting this home-based job - I and the rest of the lambs were required to take on - in-depth training at two locations - over a period of two months. It was paid training - in the second part of the training, we were put up - in a hotel in the city. You would think the fact - that it was, of course, paid training - it wasn't going to be a bad job.  Well - you would be wrong the training was horrendous and muddled as well as; the fact that they switched over to a different phone system - that we would be using - near the end of the training! 


I somehow got through - the training by the skin of my teeth. When I finally got set up at home - in the basement - a makeshift office environment - it started off alright - I actually won a few prizes - for working overtime hours - that needed to be covered for possible outages/storm watch.  But as time went on - things took a turn for the worse - my phone and computer system started to develop ongoing issues; I couldn't hear customers, they couldn't hear me, the whole system went down for the majority of my shift, I couldn't find what I needed for customer inquires - in a timely manner because - it took forever to find it or get someone in chat to point you - in the right direction, I had numerous calls drop etc. the list goes on and on. 


I tried in vain to get my system fixed but all I got was - I will be coming down from the city next week or try this - to no avail! I was at my wit's end - and was almost hoping to get let go. I was not being heard - and it was very disheartening and my work morale was quickly becoming none existent. Then it happened - I received a very strange phone call from my supervisor, "What is the problem - you work from home - for god sake!! I could not believe the response - after I had continuously informed them - that my system was not working properly.  I was speechless - my supervisor proceeded to say, " I will talk again with you later!".  Later did not come - through a call anyway.  After that unsettling phone call - my stomach was in knots - I felt nauseous - not knowing what would be unfolding next. I sent an email to my supervisor expressing that I was hoping to talk this out and hopefully - get this worked out.

 

This did not happen. I was sitting in my basement office the next day - and the doorbell rang. I get anxious just thinking about it again. It was my supervisor and another person a woman - another supervisor?? They came down into the basement - and stated that they were there to pack up my work station. I was not surprised but the way that they did it - was cruel. It was one of the most uncomfortable experiences of my life. 


When my mother and sister found out about it - all they could say was “What happened and what did you do, to get let go??” I remember my sister also saying out loud - like I was invisible “I thought this was the one - to work out” As you can surmise my family doesn’t exactly - have a lot of faith in me; especially when it comes to employment. I can understand this to an extent - when my mental illness was left under-diagnosed - it hindered my way of thinking and judgement. But now that I am well and fully diagnosed and taking the proper treatment - my sense of clarity is incredible! I am stable for the first time in my life - which is big for me but unfortunately - my family is still in that watchful state - ever waiting for the other shoe to drop.


At present, I am employed since August of 2018. But don't get excited yet - it is a casual position - in small options working with mentally challenged persons of different levels and capacities. I can do the work - no issue there - but you start at the very bottom - meaning casual. And you are on-call - you are on a shortlist of people - they call if there is definitely - no one else available meaning (full-time permanent, part-time permanent and casual permanent).  The last time I worked a shift - was Labour Day. 


Since this job is not very consistent I have been networking – trying to get my work life back on track. My sister just dropped off some Christmas gifts – my mother asked her how work was – as she usually does. She is the golden daughter – the one she can talk about to others – freely and with the utmost pride.


I on the other hand – seem to always be in a state – of starting over. My sister’s work is always, for the most part, a topic my mother – relishes in hearing about.  Recently my sister had an interview – I asked her about it and she said it went very well – her references had been called and they said she should get a background check done. So, of course, that would mean – she probably has the job in the bag.  Then she proceeded to ask me -  if I had gotten any shifts/hours lately.


Since I started this job I have been looking for other work and have had a few interviews. But no offers of employment. Recently, I have networked with someone in the hopes of getting some training – that would employ me into a career – that I would be very interested in – as opposed to doing – for the sake of others’ expectations.  I have a lot of training and my sister thinks that – I am all trained out and should look for work and not keep going in the direction - of more training.


So, now instead of being excited about my networking and research into this – training field, that I know – if I got, I could do no problem – and would love it – I am feeling deflated and shot down. I have struggled with mental illness and it has dragged me down – more times than I can count. Especially, with respect to staying employed but I am finally stable and ready to begin my life – and want to do so – on my own terms -  and not on the expectations and schedule of others. My illness has not gotten the best of me…if it had…I would no longer be here…I would have punched my card a long time ago.


May 19, 2020 15:02

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2 comments

Megan Baughman
19:31 May 28, 2020

I liked this story, mental illness and job troubles are super relatable. I did feel like this was more telling us what happened versus showing us, and there was some strange formatting with dashes everywhere (I'm not sure if that was just my phone). But I liked it, I hope to see more from you.

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14:39 May 29, 2020

Thanks, Megan. I am still learning about the editing process lol! If you know of any other editing apps besides grammarly I would love to know. Take care, and thank you for the input.

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