Batey Pending

Submitted into Contest #123 in response to: Start your story looking down from a stage.... view prompt

4 comments

Fiction Science Fiction Latinx

Nico looked down from the stage. He was too excited listening to the crowd roar for him. He thought to himself, ”They love me, they really love me.” He performed at a level that surprised even himself in this new sport called Batey. A futuristic sport inspired by the Caribbean Taino Indian sport. It was created through the mixture of alien technology and human innovation. The sport is a mixture of Quidditch meeting hacky sack with some technology sprinkled in. Add a crowd of roaring and adoring fans that just saw a sensational play by a deadheaded individual. Brown skinned. Wearing a team uniform shirt with an A that stood for his team. The Absolutes. Clothing crafted with damage absorption. Boots that were created to fly through the air. Jetpack shoes. The blue and stylish Flash Flights. Arguably the fastest in the Batey League. Worn by a flashy player himself. Nico Pengin.

After the game was over. Nico finally stepped away from the stage. He let himself get swept away momentarily by the media. He thought to himself that this is where he needed to be. Performing at his absolute best. In front of others, cementing his path to stardom. But he just couldn’t help but reminisce about himself when he was younger.

~~~

Back when he was on earth. He would be playing with Chilly. His older sister. Who had split up with him when she ran away from home. She was older than him by a few years. Since they haven’t seen each other nor really paid attention to time or their birthdays. They also don’t remember. Nor cared.

It became a shock to him that his sister could almost never lose at anything she did. Whether it was biking. She would always bike faster than him. And Nico always wanted to play, but most importantly, wanted to win. But no matter how hard he tried. It seemed like his sister was unbeatable. Nico had so much respect and admiration for Chilly.

Eventually though, Nico was able to start catching up to her in everything she did. He would be right on her heels when they were racing. Or only two steps behind when racing to the corner. Nico would always put in his best effort and never quit. When their dad decided to put Chilly into karate, Nico felt super jealous. Karate required an age he did not have yet. He could only watch her in competitions. He just could not believe that she was having so much more fun than him. He thought that karate would be the ultimate activity to participate in. Something you can have fun with and play with friends and learn how to defend yourself and others. But Chilly just did not see it that way.

~~~

Chilly saw that karate was to be used only in matters of life and death. As her master taught her. Something to be taken super seriously, not a laughing matter. Chilly did not enjoy the playfulness of Nico. She was thrilled when her father placed her in an activity that allowed her to be separated from her younger brother. Not only just that. But an activity that she absolutely dominated heavily in. She was a natural. Once her master taught her something. Chilly immediately copied it like a mirror. At first, her master was overjoyed with the talented girl. But after a few months, the master became hard on her. He thought, “In only 9 months, she learned and could do what it took me 20 years to master myself.” He had split feelings on the matter.

On one hand, he was happy he could teach a pupil to surpass him so quickly. On the other hand, he was distraught and felt inadequate for not learning as effectively as her. Due to this jealousy. The training Chilly went through was almost brutal for her age. But Chilly was no quitter.

The only time she had all week away from her brother and school. For 90 minutes. Karate was her meditation. It was her tranquility. While memorizing kata movements. She could relax. While repeating kicks and punches thousands of times. She would feel that everything was at peace. And when her master told her to participate in tournaments. In order to have more relaxed workouts if she wins. Not only did Chilly place in the top three places for the four tournaments she was a part of. She won two of them. And she still kept her rigorous workouts.

Yet, this young girl did not realize it. But when she won her two tournaments and placed in the other two. She could not comprehend how great of an impact it had on her younger brother, Nico. How happy he was to see her with trophies. With medals dangling from her neck showing first place. Chilly thought nothing of it. She was happy not to be involved with her brother during those moments.

But Nico was so proud of her, he couldn’t wait to be old enough to enter the stage with her. He wanted to participate in trophy chasing tournaments as well. He also wanted to participate in a sport that allowed him to showcase some of his own skills. He wanted to be able to spar with his sister. He wanted to finally be able to try to catch up with her. He wanted to protect her if she ever needed it. Yet Nico did not know that Chilly was dreading the moment Nico was old enough to enter karate. She knew he wanted to enter. All the more she wanted to improve. She wanted to widen the gap, so the moment he started karate, she could finally lay it on him. In public. As hard as possible, since she can use karate as an excuse.

Unfortunately, Nico did not end up getting the chance to spar with Chilly.

One day, while at home on Earth. Nico was playing with his imaginary friends and creating crazy stories. He was imagining himself. As a world champion soccer player for the Dominican Republic. Nico had very crazy dreams. When Nico realized he had not seen his sister in a while. He decided to go bother her. When Nico went to her room, he saw that it was a mess and a lot of clothes had gone missing. It was so disturbing, like someone had just robbed her room. Nico was feeling terrified as he couldn’t understand what was going on.

“Did someone steal in here?” he thought.

He went to tell his parents and when they saw the room. They called her. She said she was leaving for good as she couldn’t stand being home. Nico was so sad that his older sister Chilly had left home. It devastated him to see her leave without saying goodbye. He thought they were the best of friends, closer than any siblings ever.

~~~

Nico was hanging out with the Absolutes after the first game of the tournament. They were back in the arena after the media and fans left. The stage looked empty without any of the equipment for Batey on it. Nico took a look at Chilly. Her face was as cold as her name. He still looked at her with eyes of affection. He would never forget how much he cared for his older sister. Or how he thought he would never see her again. The two siblings enjoyed being together as a family once more in outer space on the Gibraltar. Especially now. Since they were now part of a larger family, the Absolutes. 

December 09, 2021 06:55

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4 comments

22:28 Dec 16, 2021

This was a good read. I liked how I could feel Nico’s pride in Chilly. I could sense the warmth that came through even in the face of pain and hurt. I think you have a clever beginning to a great adventure. One reader mentioned your use of punctuation already. That’s something I think you could polish up to make the story flow a bit easier. Also, I think you can condense and tighten some of your prose. Sometimes when you break up the descriptions like this it can become a bit repetitive. “For 90 minutes. Karate was her meditation. It was he...

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Nico Pengin
22:38 Jan 06, 2023

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story and leave a comment, Christopher! I really appreciate your kind words and feedback. I'm sorry for the delay in responding - I just saw your message now and feel grateful that you enjoyed the story. Your suggestion to polish up the punctuation and condense the prose is a great one, and I will definitely take it into consideration as I continue to develop the story. I'm glad that you could feel the warmth and pride that Nico had for his sister, and I hope that the next installment will be ...

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Joy A
20:31 Dec 13, 2021

Wow! Just... wow! This is absolutely lovely. A science fiction? This is the first science fiction story I've read in a long time. I'm reminded of how much I loved the genre, and for that I thank you. This story is also relatable for me on a personal level. My story, however, has a different twist. I have a younger brother and HE was the one who almost never lost at anything. I can feel myself in Chilly's position, only that I'm the one who always tried to catch up. The main character is named after you. Do you have an older sister? Just cur...

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Nico Pengin
22:40 Jan 06, 2023

Dear Joy A, Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment on my story, "Batey Pending." I'm sorry for the delay in my response - I just now saw your comment and I'm grateful for your kind words and insights. I'm happy to hear that you enjoyed the story and that it reminded you of how much you love the science fiction genre. I'm also glad that you could relate to Chilly's character on a personal level. Yes, Chilly is based on my older sister, who was always a step ahead of me growing up. It's interesting to hear your perspective...

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